Adam Thinks #2: Who Goes Where After TNA?

Two columns in less than a week? I know. Don't get used to it. This is not going to be a common occurrence. The boss' heart couldn't take it if it were. However, when a topic gets my attention and makes me want to add in my opinion I'm not going to let any kind of calendar issues stand in my way. I owe it to myself and to you, my loyal four readers. Also, I get a free snow cone for every ten columns I write, so I need to crank these bad boys out. What topic caught my eye? Why it was good old TNA, for the first time in years.

You see, the big scuttlebutt is that TNA is going to be cancelled at Destination America, and will thus cease to exist. Now, there are several issues with this chain reaction up to and including whether or not the cancellation is real in the first place or just another Meltzer claim that we'll never hear about again. Like the time he predicted that CM Punk either would or would not be on Raw. Let's ignore that for a moment and pretend everything is going as planned and the wrestling fandom of the world can finally rejoice that TNA has died the death that they have predicted seventeen times a year for over a decade.

The big question left in that fantasy make believe world is what happens to the various roster members. I mean, I'm sure someone is going to buy the ring, but do we really care about that? No. So let's focus here. It is a question that every two bit hack in the community has taken a swing at, and I am nothing if not proud of both of my bits. So I will dedicate this, my second column to being every bit as facetious and reactionary as everyone else. It's in the contract, after all.

First, I have to admit something. I haven't kept up with TNA regularly since the Main Event Mafia days. I know I'm far from alone in this but still, I felt you should know because we've grown closer over these past one and up to this point columns. I know who the majority of the people on the roster are. I know vaguely what's going on. That's about it, though. TNA has not been appointment television since…a while. Sorry, I have no witty comparison point there. Perhaps some witty comment about the other kind of t'n'a, since I did get married in '08 and that seems like more or less the right time frame for this joke.

So, now I'm going to try to look deep into my crystal ball, which is actually most likely some sort of toy that belongs to my toddler. No matter. I will help you through these confusing waters and see if I can figure out who might go to the WWE, and who might go elsewhere. I'm also going to ignore most of the people I don't really know because it's my column and…I don't actually need another reason. You're not my real dad. Here goes.

WWE BOUND

Kurt Angle- Well, HE'S sure not going to GFW. I think we can all pretty much agree on that one right here and now. Recently, he talked about WWE and it seemed like he hit a brick wall there, too. Basically, he values Kurt Angle more than they value Kurt Angle. He's one of the more intriguing situations because despite being the biggest name, he seems to have the toughest road to go to one of the big choices. Sure, there is some possibility the WWE will bring him in as a part time guy. Unless he agrees to be there in a non-wrestling capacity though, I can't see them committing to him full time. I also can't see him going overseas. The guy has three kids and an expensive head waxing lifestyle. So that pretty much leaves one likely destination in my mind, and yes it is in America (for those who were expecting the awful pun). ROH. Possibly some other indy work if they can afford him. A couple of the bigger NWA promotions spring to mind on that front. That strikes me as the most clear cut of a set of murky choices for Angle on day one. Is a WWE contract in his future? Maybe, sorta, probably, definitely. Like Herpes in LA, eventually he and WWE will come together. Immediately, though? I doubt it.

Awesome Kong- Here's a home run. Kong is going to WWE via NXT. She makes so much sense there, with the renewed focus on the divas, as well as her incredibly unique stature for a woman's wrestler. What I mean by that is that she's basically the Big Van Vader of women. She legitimately looks like she could destroy the rest of the competition at pretty much any moment. In her personal life, she digs rainbows and butterflies and such too, which I absolutely think is…wait for it….awesome. It totally throws people off. She is a very solid worker and for a promoter, is basically money on the table if used right. Now, the other side of the argument is that she and WWE parted ways not that long ago. Well, everything I've ever seen says it was amicable, so there is virtually no obstacle I know of to stop her from returning to WWE, possibly with her name intact this time. Just imagine if you will, Awesome Kong managed by say…Paul Heyman.

I know Triple H knows it, too. So if the opportunity comes up, expect Kong to be in WWE torturing other divas and being heavily featured in every single ant-bullying campaign ppossible.

Kenny King- This is another guy that should roll right into NXT. He's gifted in the ring and he has a solid look as well. He's not a stranger in Stamford either, having competed on Tough Enough. He's gotten a lot better since then and I bet you they're fully aware of it. He is definitely one of the first people they'll bring on. It won't be long before he's making that sweet, sweet midcard money and disappointing a small subset of people who keep insisting he could be higher on the card than beating Curtis Axel and jobbing to Dolph Ziggler.

Gail Kim- Here's an interesting one. See, everyone saw the tweet the other day where she called Vince sexist. They also missed the part where she praised Hunter, though. As in, the guy who does the hiring. That said, there's also one other fact. She is one of the best female wrestlers in the world. One of the more marketable ones as well, complete with genuine semi-celebrity husband Robert Irvine. She'd be a shoo-in for any number of roles, including an almost obvious spot on Total Divas. Whatever mild embarrassment Vince might have suffered will be quickly swept under the rug. It's a big rug and there is a lot of room under there.

GFW BOUND

Mr. Anderson- He's got some bad blood in the WWE locker room, namely with Randy Orton. So I'd expect him to be among the first that Jarrett gets in contact with. He still has some gas in the tank as well as a recognizable name that will be very helpful to an organization that is lacking in relatively big time recognizable names. In a vacuum, he qualifies and Jarrett will use him to help launch his new company in the same way he used the likes of Scott Hall and Ken Shamrock back when TNA first started. Then Anderson can fade back into the hallowed halls of what might have been.

Drew Galloway and Taryn Terrell- This one seems fairly obvious. A young, talented guy that WWE missed the boat on. Actually, they missed the boat, then sank the boat after the boat got over without their help. This metaphor needs work. It's also totally accurate. Galloway is a guy who can greatly benefit from answering Jarrett's call and almost certainly will. Expect his wife as a package deal alongside and/or as the driving force behind the decision, sicne she has an even worse feeling about WWE. For those who don’t know, after she was let go she claimed that she took a story to creative, was let go, and then saw her story given to someone else.

The Beautiful People- I'm going to go ahead and include both Angelina Love and Velvet Sky together because it's the team that gives them their value. That value won't really be as high in WWE, especially with the plethora of already over women there (and the ones I added). No, these two ladies are going to make the smart choice for them, and sign on with the guy who was responsible for their success in the first place (or at least in charge when it happened). One could make a snarky comment about how WWE would also be a problem since ACTUAL beautiful women work there, but they are both a lot prettier than me, so who am I to throw stones?

PEOPLE I'M NOT SURE ABOUT

Ethan Carter III- One of the better parts of TNA for a while now, and one of the few I'm really aware of. Even my trusty squeaky ball ….err…crystal ball fails me on this one. It could really go either way. On one hand, he was in WWE for a while and they did virtually nothing with him despite having lots of chances. On the other hand, he's clearly way better than he was then at pretty much everything one is capable of being better at. That's where it gets interesting. If he holds a grudge about his time in WWE and Jarrett gets in his ear, he could find a place in GFW and probably be a centerpiece guy going forward. He is an NXT vet already so the allure wouldn't necessarily be there for him. On the other hand though, money talks and power gives interpretive dances and he could be swayed into thinking he'd get a better shot this time. It's entirely possible that WWE could go for the hard sell for a guy who has really blossomed. It's too tough for me to guess.

Magnus- Another wildcard. He's got size. He's got talent. He's got a foreign market in his back pocket. He's not even 30. Just look at the star quality.

He is a big time potential steal for whoever ends up with him. This is a guy who should be pursued heavily and I honestly don't know which way he'll go. That is IF the WWE actually pursues him at a high level. If they don't, he'll just sign elsewhere, whether that be GFW or someplace at home in England or even ROH. Truthfully, he's on this part of the list because I'm not sure that they WILL pursue him. Let's face history kids. He's not a guy they made, and unlike the Joes and Bryans of the world, his name isn't quite big enough to overcome that bias. New thinking COULD overcome that, but there are no guarentees. So I'm genuinely not sure what WWE will do.

Well, there we go. A completely arbitrary list written by a virtually unknown guy based on a questionable scenario brought on by unconfirmed rumors given by a man whose reliability is shaky at best. So, you know, clearly gold standard stuff. None of it may ever come to pass. A million other things could and probably will happen. On the other hand, I DID get to use the word scuttlebutt, so that's a win all on its own. So, your turn, dear few, proud readers. If this all comes to pass as we've been told, who do YOU think ends up where? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try to ask my wife if this squeaky ball toy actually belongs to my daughter or one of our cats because at this point I've given up trying to figure that out on my own.