Adam Thinks #3: Elimination Chamber Review

Sometimes unexpected things happen. Whether it be a job changing or getting twenty days warning that you're going to be a dad or even something a lot less terrifying than what happened to me last year, but much more mundane and unexpected. Such as finding out that you're the guy who hates Bobby Roode. I have to tell you, it was quite the unexpected moment for me. Truth be told though it's just not accurate. I have no problem with Discount Triple H. I think he's a great worker, has tons of charisma, and is a good chunk of the reason why something as stupid as Beer Money succeeded. Seriously. That idea should've bombed HARD, but Roode and Storm turned it into appointment TV instead. I just don't think his path is very interesting. He's going to WWE. That's pretty much it. He's gonna go work out the last few years of his career as a midcard guy and make a ton of money to retire on. Nothing huge will come of him signing with WWE. Maybe….MAYBE a midcard title. That's about it. He'll be a late career Val Venis for them, except upgraded (which is no insult to Sean Morley, who was probably one of the best all around guys of the Attitude Era). It's just too late for Roode to really benefit other than securing a nice life after wrestling. Also possibly a job on the training staff and if they're smart, a shot at commentating. If TNA actually closes, which I'm still not really buying into. I've checked with other Adams and they don't believe it either.

All that said, it's time for me to once again bow to the masses and do what everyone else does. A show review. That's right. A top to bottom recap of Elimination Chamber, the event that just sort of came right the hell out of nowhere. Obviously, there will be spoilers. If you want to avoid them, don't read this or go to Yahoo. I know that sounds like the setup to a horrific punchline, but it's not. It actually just happened to me. How so? Well kiddies, I have a real job. So I didn't get home until after the show was over. As I type this it's currently 9:39 on the west coast, and if you must know, my wife just bluffed a guy with nothing but two high cards whilst two tabling. There's a gentleman named Wilbur who will be proud in the comments. In the meantime though, it's time for me to fire up the old moving picture machine, boot up my computer disguised as a gaming device, click on the Network button that a buddy lets me use, and get this show on the road. A quick note before I go though. I will not be recapping matches move for move. Hell, the announcers don't even do that anymore.

Instead, I'll be giving you a general sense of what I saw and thought during each match and segment. Really what I'll be doing is pausing the show to run to my computer and write stuff down, because my toddler actually controls most of the territory in the living room, so I can't do both at once. So I guess I could try to really stretch it and claim I'm getting a cardio workout as well. About ten steps at a time. I doubt my wife will buy that, but it's worth a shot.

So, we go through a nice intro package of how dangerous the chamber is and why everyone is generally fighting everyone else, and we go straight to the first match.

ELIMINATION CHAMBER: TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Nice bit of work on each team getting a little flavor in their entrance. A particular highlight is JBL commenting on Los Matadores having Torito in the chamber "You can't have your wildlife in there". Brilliant. Lots of good early work by Ascension and the Lucha Dragons both. The bit where New Day kept holding onto Callisto while in their pod was well done, and of course New Day mockingly doing the Lucha Dragon gestures was a highlight. I also thoroughly enjoyed the continued story of Callisto climbing things and JBL flipping out over it. My wife even stopped to watch some, and realized she recognized all of two people. Cesaro of course, as he's pretty distinctive. The other was Kofi. My wife's exact statement was "he's the one that does the boom thing" and she did the old Kofi air clap gesture.

We had a lot of good work, and a great highlight when four dudes suplexed the three members of New Day. I enjoyed it. My wife enjoyed it. That was just fun, period. If you didn't enjoy that a little bit, you might be watching the wrong thing on tv. The shock of the match of course was Darren Young sneaking a completely clean pin on Cesaro. I liked it. It was completely unexpected and really was a great little highlight that pushed the Pirme Time Playas, did nothing negative to Kidd and Cesaro, and allowed for a good ending where the tag champs reigned supreme. This was a very entertaining match that managed to keep coherent even with a lot of bodies in motion. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Dolph and Lana
I'm still not digging Dolph's ode to the 80's jacket. I dunno, maybe that's just me. With my luck the only people who agree with me flipped out and stopped reading at the Discount Triple H joke. Which was totally just a joke, by the way. See? This is why you keep reading. Anyway, we bring up Rusev, we transition nicely into the IC Title match setup, we pretty much cover our bases with this segment. We even had a little bit of that accent softening we heard might be happening with Lana. Whne Dolph says he's gonna go do what he does best, my wife asks what that is. "Selling his everloving ass off" is what I told her. Plus, Dolph and Lana got to build a little and have the kind of interaction they should've had before all the gratuitous smooching. Alas, only Hermoine Granger and The Doctor can change the past, and I don't think the British give a crap about Dolph Ziggler.

DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT MATCH

My wife and I got lost for a bit talking about Naomi's shoes. I'm not going to lie, they were a bit distracting. We generally agreed though that this is a much harder hitting divas group than we used to see. Neither of us has really watched a divas match on the main roster in a while, and my wife really doesn't know much about NXT. It was a great perspective though, because she probably hasn't seen one in several years, so the difference between then and now was really that much more prevalent for her. It just goes to show the kind of improvements they've been trying to make. Especially when you consider that two of the three participants used to belong squarely in that camp of women who really couldn't wrestle. Yet Naomi and Nikki both more than held up their end of the match, despite one weird botch in the corner.

The crowd was more dead than they should've been though. That's bad. Even my wife decided to go to sleep, although she said it wasn't the match's fault. It was probably more that she'd been up with a toddler all day. You know. Mom style.

Quick interlude. Tell your mom thank you. She's a champion.

Anway, I put the dead crowd on the booking team. You shouldn't have put this match right after that hot tag match unless you wanted this kind of reaction, and why would you make a "piss break" match second on the card? It just doesn't make a lot of sense. Whatever the case may be, this match is another in a series of benchmarks that show that women's wrestling is on the rise, and that the main roster divas are clearly determined to not be embarrassed by their NXT counterparts. Kudos. And hey, the other Bella got paid for showing up too.

KEVIN OWENS VS JOHN CENA

After some commercials we get this match. A freaking masterpiece. Both guys worked each other and the crowd beautifully, literally from the time their music played until the bell. And if you claim you saw it coming, you're a damn liar. Unless you were on Yahoo of course (thanks a lot guys). Both men were absolutely on point, and both showed why they are considered among the best at what they do. I'll even go so far as to say that Kevin Owens is the first heel in a long while to actually make Cena feel like a face. This is so hugely important. Owens proved to the lingering doubters exactly how good he is supposed to be. He proved he belongs in the big ring, and wasn't a product of having to face midlevel talent in a small environment. And while many people don't want to admit it, there were a LOT of detractors who thought exactly that. Like this guy for example.

Then Owens continued his pattern of stealing Cena's shtick at the end and just went that much further in cementing himself at or near the top in his very first match. Probably even made the anti-Cena fanboys feel happiness for the first time in their entire adult lives. Sadly for those people this feud isn't over, and even worse for their shattered pretend fantasies a couple of million wrestling fans and I can't wait to see what happens next in this feud. This was brilliant booking by the WWE brass and I think it's safe to say that Vince Russo and his crap about the WWE making no new stars is pretty much buried. Kudos to both men on pretty much every conceivable level. If you can't agree that Owens is a star or Cena is better than the one star match, no seller, five move idiot you claim he is, you should stop watching wrestling because you've lost your damn mind. I'm not sure you should be allowed to walk around without a diaper or operate heavy machinery.

NEVILLE VS BO DALLAS

Angry Bo Dallas is angry. I also enjoy that IRS apparently taught his boys how to be really great at being creepy. And smiling while creepy. This was a very good filler match that showcased both guys fairly well. I also enjoyed that when Bo asked the audience to BO-lieve, a little girl could clearly be heard saying "We believe in Neville." That's beautiful, and somebody on the production team better get ahold of that audio and replay it next week. I also thoroughly enjoy that Bo sells everything with this wide eyes shocked look. It definitely makes the other guy look like he's got good stuff. Both guys should be doing something bigger than they are. If this feud continues and helps with that, I'm all for it. Let's see what happens.

Triple H, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reigns

Trips is casually evil. I dig it. I think it works as well or better than the over the top stuff. We also set the stage for a possible turn by Reigns with the stipulation in play. Well handled. Aquaman, I mean Reigns is just fine here, and Dean Ambrose has the best slightly crazy grin on his face when he says "me too" after Trips mockingly says "I've got a good feeling about this."

ELIMINATION CHAMBER INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH

Well, Mark Henry showing up (under 400 pounds!) is just the kind of little surprise that will help erase Rusev's injury being an issue. Kudos to that idea. I honestly figure it'd be some random midcard fill-in like Swagger or Wyatt or Axel or Swagger (c'mon, he merits two mentions as a random fill-in). I like the setup to being with, too. Ziggler/Barrett is a great way to start what should be an insane match. It also gives the two most likely winners good excuses to lose, leaving us in a position where anyone not named R-Truth could actually win this. And by the way, anyone who thinks I'm way off base on what WWE will do to Roode needs to look at Truth (both THE and R in this case). Talented in the ring, talented on the mic, capable of playing pretty much every character they put in front of him and getting over while doing it. What is he? Midcard joke. A one time US Champion. He should be the guy who has held both midcard belts half a dozen times. He's not. And they're going to transition Roode directly into that role.

Anyway…back to the match. Barrett runs the early stuff like a boss with all the taunting of everyone. We get the neat pod breaking thing with Henry, and Ziggler does that selling I predicted earlier. And they go about the eliminations in two distinct and well written ways. Dolph gets his ass kicked by everyone and the structure as well. Barrett mouths off to everyone until people gang up on him. Well executed. We do the bit with Sheamus' pod not opening, which seems to have been intended as being on purpose by Sheamus, but the commentary team totally misses it and keeps acting like its an accident. Either way, we end up with Sheamus beating the crap out of Ryback until it's time for the comeback. Ryback gets the win and we get Bryan out for the big put over. The crowd buys it, Ryback holds his own, and all seems well. Crowd was a tad dead in my view, but there was a TON going on in the match to be fair. Either way, good on Ryback. Plus BOTH members of the Danielson household got money tonight for doing pretty much nothing.

It’s Filler Time

Money in the Bank is in two weeks. Paul Heyman and Stone Cold are in the same room. And something my wife said earlier before she went to bed strikes me. They really are making an effort to make every shows seem big somehow. That's certainly a welcome change, and methinks the Network and its early struggles might have a bit to do with that. As we replay Owens beating Cena, I'm obliged to think good thoughts for the future. And now we get the first hard sell for Money in the Bank. I'm not a huge fan to be honest. I don't think you give away the rematch of Cena/Owens during the show where the first match happened. I don't think you announce the ladder match participants like this. I think you're supposed to use the next several Raws to build that. Make guys fight their way in. Create a sense of something. Instead we get a lineup that means everyone will automatically assume Reigns is winning the briefcase. I think this is the first major set of missteps tonight.

On the other hand, we seem to finally be building Ambrose with some sense of understanding the character. It's not just the lunatic actions. It's the little things like apologizing to the camera man who was innocent or wearing the cop hat slightly askew when he returns to the arena after the arrest. It's him focused on the fight. Personally, I told somebody that this was the perfect time to do some kind of shenanigan where Ambrose won the belt and then got it taken away. Maybe make the ref go down and have Kane count the pin, only to have it invalidated tomorrow night. Test the waters in a way that hasn't been done for a little while and see what happens. I doubt they'd do it, but after the show we've had I guess most things are possible.

WWE TITLE MATCH

I hate champions entering first. It is dumb. Stop it. Just….stop it. I also hate Ambrose's flippy rope thing. I despise it with the fire a thousand suns. The match itself was not as good as I would've hoped. I was confused by the number of repeated spots, too. Yes a few helped tell a story, but some were just repeated for seemingly no reason. I am thoroughly confused by this as both guys are a lot better than that. Either way, they DID do a lot of little things right, like trying to fight each other's holds and countering things each guy would know about the other. That was all well and good. Maybe expectation got the better of me. I just felt like this should be better than the third best match of the night.

Then the worst thing possible happened. My earlier prediction came true (if not 100% how I envisioned it). Everyone knows you're not allowed to predict things correctly on the internet. It's against the rules. I almost went back and edited out what I said, but ultimately decided against it. Instead I'll simply be happy that they're going to give Ambrose a little fake 24 hour title run that gives the brass a chance to see how the crowd reacts. So far so good by the way. That's a really good sign and honestly I didn't actually think they would, I just thought they should. It'll be interesting to see how it plays out tomorrow for sure. I'd also love a story where Ambrose keeps the title despite multiple attempts to retake it by Rollins and company. Hell, ultimate payoff for me would be tomorrow night as they're doing everything in their power to get the belt away from him, Vince shows up and overturns the decision and makes him champ. The crowd would go nuts for that in my opinion.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Just a rapid fire list style here of some extraneous thoughts I had while watching the show. Possibly a joke or two. Who knows.

-I hated people breaking up pins in the chamber matches. Stop that. It's bad psychology.
-I look forward to everyone preemptively crapping on the Cena/Owens rematch due to Cena's obvious win. The same one that was obvious tonight. Not that logic has ever stopped those people.
-Lawler needs to go. He really didn't add anything for me and I felt it would've been better with just JBL and Cole, who have both been on form lately. I did enjoy them not letting him live down the JR thing though.
-As always, New Day rocks. The power of positivity will move you.
-I hope Ziggler gets his due because he put on a clinic of how to get your ass kicked tonight.
-By the same token, Barrett made me believe he could be the WWE Champion with the way he so completely owned his time in the chamber match.
-Davenport, Iowa isn't just the hometown of Seth Rollins. It's also part of the Quad Cities (actually five cities) that straddle the Mississippi River between Illinoi and Iowa. John Deere is headquartered there. One of the biggest MMA camps is there so you get a lot of those guys listed from there, too. Also, it's a depressing shithole. Yeah…didn't see THAT coming did you? Totally true though. Just thought you should know.
-Way more positive than negative tonight. That's a good thing. WWE needs to keep doing that and keep making good decisions and pulling off surprises like tonight. Maybe if the internet negativity squad can dial it back and show some support for the things they actually liked, we might get more of it. Just saying.

Well, it's near 3am (and I must be lonely). I'm going to add some funny pictures and then finish this bad boy up so that you, my dear 4 readers can soak it in and then call me a liar who only wrote the Ambrose title thing after I watched it. Those are also the rules of the internet and we must respect rules or else we'll have a bunch of lunatics running the place. Well…maybe that's not so bad actually.