What is with Tuesdays? I was at the restaurant today, like everyday, and today beat the daily total of Saturday which is our normal busiest day. I happened to have a former WWF Tag Team champion come in today, but I was so busy I didn’t get a chance to talk wrestling!!! Maybe next time right?
This weekend sure felt like a marathon. The more I thought about it though, the more I think the production crew of WWE is happy. They had the same arena for 3 nights in a row! That has got to be a lighter workload than normal. Season 1 of the Waltons is on while I queue up the DVR, this famous actress needed the Walton’s to help her put on a show so she can afford a train ticket to New York.. Enough chatting onto Monday Night Raw!!
Show Opening- В We start off in WWE Headquarters with HHH getting ready to present Seth Rollins with a statue in his honor. “Seth your not the future of WWE, you are the man”- HHH. We see statues of Bruno Sammartino, Ultimate Warrior, and Andre The Giant.
And I’m Like… wondering what the statue criteria is?
Show opens with its typical crappy song intro, I can’t wait until tonight is the night we change this song. We go over highlights of Summerslam, but not NXT!?!? and then
Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman-
- As Brock walks out, I notice the Suplex City sign on his shirt says south. I’m not trying to throw snow here, but shouldn’t it be north? Maybe the suplex brings you down so thats why its south?
- “Suplex City” chants from the crowd as we look at a battered Brock Lesnar.
- Brock is very subdued, its way scarier to me than when he is all bouncy.
- This finish really grinds my gears, cause like, when has the time keeper ever rang the bell without command? Even during Montreal ’97 Vince had to say ring the damn bell like 4 times. I’ll take a wait and see approach, but how can we interview the referee and not the time keeper?
- Brock does not blame the referee or the time keeper, because they understood that when Undertaker was tapping, ‘Taker knew his arm was gonna break off.
- Paul Heyman brings up Undertaker collapsed again, he said he has enough material to last all 3 hours of Raw and the crowd Yes!’s?
- Undertaker got that dick kick on lock though, that is Brock’s kryptonite. By the way, I personally still don’t know who gave me that head of cabbage from a few Raw’s back..
- Paul Heyman said Undertaker looks likeВ The Gunslinger , he also says Brock challenges him to a fight tonight
- BO DALLAS’ music hits!!! Quick side bar here again.. I have a regular named Danny that is a wrestling fan, he will come in everyday and do wrestling catchphrases. He will do them call and response style like this, “It’s Simply Positively..” and I’ll go “A New Day” he says “all you gotta do is..” I say “Bo-Lieve”. Sometimes he does Paul Heyman promos, he always tries to do the Million Dollar Dance with my server too. Bo just reminded me of Danny so I thought I would throw that in there.
- Bo told Brock he had good and bad news. Bad news is he passed out, Good news is he woke up and had a dream he actually beat Undertaker. Bo said Brocks dreams can come true if he Bo-Lieves!!
- Brock laughs and then DECIMATES Bo Dalls with suplexes from Germany. The crowd chants one more time, Brock adheres to them. They chant it again as he is leaving, he does it again. He tries to leave again and Paul says “an F5 just for me!!?” Brock goes back in and yup F-5.
And I’m Like… That was the main story going into tonight, having Brock just kick someones ass really cleanses the palate of what happened last night. I don’t know where the story is headed, it might be over who knows. That segment was fun though.
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Lucha Dragons vs. New Day
- Holy Shit!!! New Day is gaining so much crowd support, they are so creative too. This is fun
- Xavier Woods playing background music to New Day inspired lyrics to “New York, New York” is something I never knew I needed!!!
- Can you cover all the songs New Day?!?! I Love this JBL says “Xavier was trained by Chief Jay Strongbow” Y’all KILLED IT NEW DAY!!! KILLED IT!!
- NEW DAYROCKS NEW DAYROCKS!!!
- The fun thing about New Day is they are entertaining wrestlers, and their gimmick is still MAD ENTERTAINING you know? Everything you see seems to be amazing, they are even putting Titus in his place while Prime Time Players are on commentary.
- How long is Kalisto going to be in a tag? He should be lighting the world on fire with lucha moves soon right?
- As the New Day hits their finishing move Xavier Woods does amazing work playingВ Military Taps
And I’m Like… Surprised that the Prime Time Players were not as entertaining as the New Day. That’s how the tag division should be, put the straps on whoever is making the most entertainment with theВ allottedВ time. As I say that THE DUDLEY BOYZ come back!! That is pretty crazy, I don’t think they are needed as full-time tag regulars though, just saw all their signature moves, what more do we need? Tables? Just saw that too! These guys should go do that NXT Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic or whatever. It doesn’t matter, this shit was fun, the whole segment.
That Make-a-Wish video had me in tears.. Bayley/Sasha at Takeover tears… fucking Connor The Crusher tears. For real this shit is so cool. People suffer so much you know, they just go through shit all day. They eat a bowl of shit for breakfast and once it’s done it’s breakfast time.It’s amazing that WWE has the power to make children forget about breakfast and escape the hell that is the hospital, John Cena legit can not turn heel, those kids need him, they really do. They need a super-hero, cause some times, real life is not enough to get you by. Wrestling is great.
HHH and Stephanie- They are in the back looking at Seth’s statue, I wouldn’t comment on this but Seth said something important. “This place is just better with you running it” SEEDS PLANTED, where is ourВ 70 year old farmer ?
Summerslam Rematch: Wyatts vs. Shield
- LOL! Last night this was my smoke break match… now we are having it again… WWE will make me watch this no matter what huh? What is really funny is, there is one of those anti-smoking commercials right when they cut to break mid Shield entrance.
- There are so many “suicide dives” to the outside in WWE recently, its like become a necessity to dive at someone when they go outside at least once in a match.
- Good thing they had that match last night to settle the score right? If they didn’t then this match would no consequences or story, we would watch this match for the sake of wrestling.
- Let’s remember this whole feud started cause Bray pushed a ladder that Roman was on over, in a match Wyatt wasn’t in, 3 months ago…. You know how many damn matches have happened since then? I don’t but we both know its alot, yet Roman is still super peeved about that ONE NIGHT!!!
- Roman doing fake drinking beer taunts is the Frattiest thing…
- JBL says “superkick party” he must watchВ The Young Bucks
- A NEW WYATT SHOWS UP!?!? He has a black mask on too!! Please don’t mean Minnesota’s own Erick Rowan is out the family now.. Let’s hope Harper is the mid-card act, Bray is the main act, and the sheep tag.
- Since this is the first non-NXT debut in a while, it’s weird to hear the crowd just murmur or be quiet.
- New Wyatt is no selling all the offense, he is choking out the Shield while Luke and Bray smile.
And I’m Like… If this doesn’t bring Sting into this feud or at least add a little flavor to this, it will get old fast. This was new fresh and exciting, I hope it doesn’t just happen for four weeks until another turn of events.
There will be a special with Brock in Madison Square Garden on the night of my baby shower!! Guess what I’ll try and make the family watch??!?
Miz TV- PCB
- I kept wondering why PCB was such a familiar acronym, turns out I noticed it on my Fish Oil container.В PCB В is a probable human carcinogen… I LOVE IT
- I am not into PCB they are the fakes of the division. Bellas are bitches and veterans and they know it and brag. Team B.A.D. seem real when they speak.
- Bella’s come out and all we hear is WE WANT SASHA!!! It’s Daniel Bryan chants all over again.
- Alicia Fox says she has been here for 9 years and seen em all come and go. It’s true, Becky quit trying to be crazy, just break arms. Charlotte quit leaning on Flair for everything WE KNOW HE WAS IN THE HORSEMEN! and Paige, not everybody wants everything sexualized.
- For a Divas revolution, Miz getting cheers when he says “When my hand goes up your mouth goes shut” It does show how we as viewers receive these Diva’s compared to NXT’s women. It sucks that when they made the jump to the main show, they lost all their qualities that made them respectable women.
- There is a six diva brawl that is leading to a six diva tag match… Sasha Banks is not in the mix, yet all the crowd says is WE WANT SASHA!!
And I’m Like… If WWE wanted me to not like six women and like three more, they did a great job. What’s bad is that the six I don’t like were on the screen making me not like them more. I am a Charlotte fan when she is real, when she is nerdy and awkward, not when she tries to be cool. Charlotte is tall and lanky, Becky is weird and annoyingly bubbly, Paige is immature. Paige was trying to get Team Freakshow over before PCB stuck, and I’m starting to lean on her side with that name. That would have added a dynamic this 3 team feud needs. The hot bunch (Bella’s) The bad bunch (team B.A.D.) and instead of the “wrestlers? other hot bunch? what is PCB anyways?” they could have been the misfit bunch.В
As I was And I’m Liking the Miz TV segment a Six Diva Tag match started… The crowd was the fun part… They wanted SASHA they did want this match.. I didn’t want this match. What I had to say was said up above. Give us stories that we can relate to please. Team Bella won if you care! Alicia fox looked like she was in pain or mad f’d up…
It was supposed to be Stardust and Cosmic King Barrett teaming but Stardust beat up The Cosmic King. Neville came out and the ref bailed as the brawl started… Neville went for Red Arrow, Stardust ran away.
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And I’m Like… WHAAAAT???
Jon Stewart Promo-
- His Theme song is the Daily Show theme song haha. That is so not his character for wrestling, just a happy bouncy guitar riff.
- Stewart is showered in “Thank You Stewart” chants
- Stewart said he apparently upset some people, to those parents who comforted their children, I’ll tell you why I did that.
- Jon Stewart said in his heart, he could not let John Cena tie Ric Flair. The crowd was What’ing him until he said he did it for Flair, instacheers. “NOT ON MY WATCH”-Jon Stewart
- Flair then styles and profiles his way to the ring, my buddy sent a text last night “I Fuckin Love Jon Stewart” I think I know why now!
- Flair tells Stewart he was pulling for John Cena, Stewart sells shock…..
- Ric Flair says the record will be broken sooner than later, he wants it to be from someone he respects. “Don’t forget Gods in the house tonight” – Ric Flair He tells people you don’t gotta like it, you gotta love it cause it is coming out of my mouth,
- Flair told Stewart he messed up everything… like it was some giant plan that Flair had Cena beat his record…. Stewart is as confused as we are…
- John Cena tells Stewart they need to talk, he said “What do you wanna talk about? and *you can’t see me’s him”
- The crowd chants Ce NaSUCKS and Cena did something I found interesting, he was talking to either Stewart or Flair and he said “no let them get it out”. Cena has been in front of loud unrespectful crowds for over a decade. It’s amazing what he has learned in crowd control, every crowd will fatigue of any chant, if he let’s them ride it out he will be more impactful in his words when they are spoken.
- Cena says that Stewart ended the ability to let new stars shine… That is crazy!!! Why would he think that having a late twenties superstar winning the title ends the ability for new stars? Man is a narcissistic sociopath.
- He hits Jon Stewart with an AA too, John said I understand that that’s what you have to do and then just beat him up, that’s some Bully type shit.
And I’m Like… I’m with Stewart, he helped the future. Rollins was right Cena IS a disease. You could tell from Flairs face he felt that the segment fell flat… Oh well, Jon Stewart is totally gonna be in the WWE Hall of Fame Celebrity wing.
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Ziggler, Orton, Ryback, Cesaro vs. Owens, Sheamus, Big Show, Rusev
- This could be a match, like 5 years from now, we look back on like “WOW they had some stars in that match this should be fun!”, or we could look at it like we do now, “WOW they have some stars in this match, I’ve seen everyone wrestle everyone a bunch this summer, glad its all packed in this eight man instead of an hour of Raw”
- Byron says Cesaro is “like the Chuck Norris of Raw” that is beauty.
- Ziggler is wearing tights!! He has his Sherri Martel now in Lana, his transformation to Shawn Michael’s complete. I compared Ziggler to Ricky Steamboat and Lana to George “The Animal” Steel last week, maybe this comparing thing is a trend?
- Big Show on his Mark Henry Trash Talk game real hard tonight. I’ve grown to re-appreciate Big Show, he will be gone soon, might as well enjoy him while he is on TV.
- As Ziggler gets his ass kicked by every guy on the other team, I am really digging his new tights.
- A commercial for Subway??? Too Soon you guys.. Too Soon.
- My mind is made up on Lana.. She ain’t good. She stands there emotionless, she smiles when she does offense, her character is crap. She is forced as hell like Byrons excitement for Cesaro’s “Uppercut TRAAIINN!!”
- The Ryback/Owens match-up seems real fun.. yeah GIVE OWENS THE INTERCONTINENTAL BELT!!! He is Canadian, they know how to represent that belt best!
- All the good guys notice Show is all alone so they decide to pick on him.
And I’m Like… The bad guys beat up Big Show, they left Sheamus. The good guys beat up Big Show, they left Sheamus. That’s funny. This meant nothing I’m sure, unless Owens and Rusev team up, they both beat on Show and looked damn good doing it!
Bray Wyatt is in his dark room cutting promos. When Bray rolls his eyes and says heart, his voice dragged and it sounded so eerie, I love his cadence. Bray introduces Braun Strowman the “Black Sheep of Sister Abigail”
The Authority is talking to John Cena about how he is a sore loser and that it is trending, then Security throws him out of the building.
Seth Rollins Statue Presentation-
- I just feel like something is in that box besides the statue!!
- Steph calls out that Vince turned 70 during Raw and she gets all cry baby like. They sing Happy Birthday shittly too but it was great, which makes me think… Is Happy Birthday allowed to be sung without paying copyright?
- I seriously zone out when HHH talks, plus there are two cops talking to my caretaker right now and I’m super nosy… My wife went to investigate, but I’m all wondering what is going on.
- I hear something about the Mount Rushmore of wrestling and I am like… what is going on outside my patio? Both squad cars drove away.
- ok so I paused it, found out what the deal was, some guy down on the other end of the complex broke into an apartment and the caretaker caught him running out. When I was on my smoke break earlier, I picked some weeds by the apartment and instead of throwing them away, I threw them into the parking lot. She went into the parking lot a bit later to throw the weeds away and saw the guy. So good thing I’m lazy huh??
- Rollins is spouting stuff about being the cure, he puts over the fact the for a decade Cena was the man, he then said that ended last night,
- Rollins dropped the “to be the man, you gotta beat the man.” Then told ‘Trips’ to unveil the statue
- He just keeps talking, THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMEONE IN THERE!!!
- They are taking too long, I almost lost interest….. drum roll…. and STING!!
- That is pretty dope.. HAHA I just jumped cause I was startled because my caretaker just opened the door and said some woman broke the window in the bar a quarter mile away, haha this heightened my mood, Sting held the belt up too the WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
- Stings music hit and everyone went crazy, that was really cool, plus WHERE DID STING PUT THE STATUE?!??
And I’m Like… What the hell, that was very fun for me, with the craziness outside my house and on my television, Raw next week will be fun I hope!! Thank you for reading
Y’all have a good one.
-Jake
