And I’m Like… (Reviewing Raw December 7th 2015)

9:30 pm December 8, 2015

Hello everyone, I hope your week went well. You know the drill, italics is personal life stuff, then back to normal font to get RAW.

So I feel like a fool. If you follow And I’m Like you know about our busboy whose sister I said was a victim of Chicago violence. Turns out that was a lie. He came in last week crying about how his sister was shot. The restaurant and regulars of the restaurant pitched in and helped him out a bit. We talked to his brother in hopes of throwing a benefit this week. His brother said that the sister never existed and that he was lying. It’s a crazy thing to lie about, we had to let him go. Let’s hope that’s the end of all the drama for a while. It’s been a little hectic.

Monday Night Raw

The show opens with a recap of last week’s show. There are complaints about how many recaps we get and recaps of recaps. I don’t mind it as a refresher, and I feel like it’s necessary to attract new viewers. It’s like a sitcom, try and make your pilot episode every time.

League Of Nations Promo

League of Nations come out to grandiose music.
Sheamus tells us how he spent hours and hours thinking about what he was gonna say. Nice to know that he knew he was opening the show with a 20 minute promo.
Sheamus doing the 5:15 thing is really annoying. It brings up past feelings of 18 Seconds.
Sheamus goes through all the countries in his League of Nations. Where is Kevin Owens? Canada? Champion?
Sheamus said he couldn’t find any American good enough to lace their boots. Sheamus says the best thing he can to get some good heat. “It’s 2015, America just doesn’t cut it anymore”
Sheamus says it’s the start of the International Era.
Sheamus says no four person group can touch them because they are the “best of the best of the best of the best” AHAHAHAHAHGAGHAHG

Wyatt Family Shows Up

The crowd Yes’s at this idea of these two teams.
Bray says they haven’t been properly introduced. “I am Bray Wyatt and these are my brothers, matter of fact this is my world! And I’m just letting you breathe in it. (crowd cheers)
Bray said they didn’t come out here to talk, they came out here for the chaos.

Dudley Boyz and Tommy Dreamer

This feels like a great build to Survivor Series.
Bubba says “we’ll see your chaos and we’ll raise you to the EXTREME”
Bray says that is the words of a fool. “Let me give it to ya one last time. You are out manned. You are out gunned. Do yourselves a little favor and Do Not get in my way.”
Devon says “when your extreme, you don’t die, you multiply” as Rhyno comes out I’m all “hey, it’s Rhyno”
As the Extreme Team comes to the ring..

Roman Empire Comes Out

This is pretty exciting. It cuts to commercial and I’m stoked.

And I’m Like… This feels like a mix of the Diva’s Revolution storyline of the summer and the Gang Rulz (lol Rulz). For real though, I have no idea where this is headed, but it seems so massive and fun that I don’t care at the moment. So many guys involved that kinda have a purpose. League of Nations are trying to impose their supremacy. The Wyatts want to mess with any group of four people and Bray craves power and chaos. The Extreme Team aren’t done with The Wyatts and The Roman Empire are not done with The League of Nations. Fun stuff!!

The Wyatts vs. League of Nations vs. Roman Empire vs. Team ECW

One member of each team compete at one time. So Fatal-4-Way RULZ. Except anyone can tag their team at anytime. Fun for us, challenge for the commentary team, poor Charles Robinson the referee.
It’s elimination rulz I guess. This will probably be on a DVD or countdown list in 5 years.
Anyone who gets Baron Corbin on their team will nullify Rhyno.
Roman Reigns facial expressions on the apron are prime. Rhyno and Braun Strowman face off, Braun dominates Rhyno and Roman on the apron sells a state of shock at what he is seeing.
Tommy Dreamer is wearing polka dot pants because Dusty Rhodes.
Tower of Doom spot to show Strowman’s strength.
Erick Rowan gets DDT’d by Tommy Dreamer and Cole calls it a Dreamer Driver. The pin is made though and The Wyatts are eliminated.
The Wyatts were getting cheered right before the Dudleys came out.. Maybe that’s a good direction to go, fans love chaos, have them come out to shut up the bad guys and cause the chaos.
Just got a commercial for The Slammys in Minneapolis. Is that a fun show to go to live?
We come back and Tommy Dreamer is getting beat up by Alberto. One Uso is just getting wrecked and is a non issue for ADR.
I would like some explanation on why ADR, King Barrett and Rusev joined Sheamus?
Well all the guys get in the ring and brawl and Saxton says “here is the chaos” even though The Wyatts are gone.
Rhyno and Roman Reigns have a staredown and the crowd gets hype. The League of Nations break it up but the Dudleys come in and hit their Sig’s. The 3D and set up the Whassup but Bubba got caught up in ADR’s antics and then got Brogue Kicked by Sheamus. Team ECW is Eliminated.
Love the replay screen advertising by Kay Jewelers. Seeing “every kiss begins with Kay” and watching people get kicked in the mouth is funny.
Cole says Ambrose faces Owens on Sunday for the Intercontinental Title. I’m sure the match will be great, but why are they fighting? Ambrose is feuding with the League, Owens as of right now is not in the League. So that goes out the window.
We are back to Raw with a 10 Beats of the Bowery by Sheamus that Roman breaks up. JBL says that’s cheating and Cole says No DQ in this style match…. WHY WASN’T THERE WEAPONS? C’mon Team ECW!?!? You were supposed to make this chaos extreme.
The cool thing about this LoN and Roman Empire feud is there are four guys who can take the pin at anytime. We are so used to Barrett losing and Del Rio and Rusev are protected but it wouldn’t hurt them to lose. We know Sheamus and Roman aren’t getting pinned. The Uso’s always lose right? They don’t have memorable wins just memorable moments. Dean Ambrose can always eat a pin too. That makes matches more unpredictable and have a better chance of being clean.
The match breaks down with barricade throws, top rope dives, hard hits and kicks. The problem is, right when the action slowed down the crowd did too, I don’t know what happened but WWE doesn’t get sustained noise like they used to.
Sheamus got speared and took the pin to Roman. Well I’ll just eat my words now.

And I’m Like… Roman got a pin over Sheamus, they make a big deal about it for maybe 2 minutes. Then Cole reminds us that on Sunday pinfalls won’t mean a thing. That kinda makes Sheamus the most weak right?

We come back with a recap of the match. We should take a moment and realize 40 minutes have passed and all of it has held interest. Sweet.

Renee Young asked Sheamus if the same result will happen Sunday. Sheamus says “Did you really just ask me that? A great man once said ‘There is No CHANCE IN HELL’ that was the closest he will get to beating me for this championship. Don’t believe in miracles Renee, we might have witnessed one tonight. I’m gonna smash his face in, I’m gonna rip his hair out, I’m gonna rip his teeth and grind them down.” Renee asks if Sheamus learned a lesson today. “The only lesson I am gonna teach him, I’m gonna do it tonight in front of the entire world.”

Stardust is rocking 3D glasses. Holy Shit!?! Why do The Dudleys wear nerd glasses and not 3D ones? Stardust is talking about how we love heroes and we want to see the ‘Galactic Empire and Deathstar’ we want to see ‘Doomsday take out the Bat and American Alien’ references to Star Wars and Batman v. Superman respectively. Stardust says he wants to eviscerate the All American Hero Jack Swagger. Stardust smells something and turns around to Titus O’Neal “what are you doing here Titus?” Titus asks what is Stardust doing in this “raggedy, broke down, low budget star room” He tells Stardust to “get him some” he means that Stardust needs to get a good book and a strong bottle of wine. Stardust says he is a highly intellectual reader. HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO GREAT! These two should do Slowly I Turned .

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kevin Owens

Tyler Breeze comes out with Summer Rae and chill in the VIP Lounge to watch the up coming match.
Seeing KO makes me miss Kassius Ohno
Ziggler and Owens take a bit to feel each other out. Owens doing the slow set ups and leaning out of the ring to keep the match slow. The crowd is DEAD! because WWE crowds sometimes don’t know how to react to basic wrestling.
Owens is beating up Ziggler like this was the early 80’s. Headlocks, chinlocks, brawling. Dolph finally gets a kick or two in, hits some offense and the crowd is hushed. Dolph is like Lancelot Link . You are into it for about a few minutes, then the novelty wears off and… yeah.
JBL notices that Kevin Owens hits a solid forearm on Ziggler, JBL then goes off on how great Vader is and how we should go on the Network and look up Vader vs. Cactus Jack .
Owens aggressively throws Dolph into the turnbuckle and Dolph takes to the count of 9 to get into the ring. Owens hits a senton for two and Dolph goes back out the ring for a commercial.
We come back and see Dean Ambrose eating popcorn and watching this match.
Ziggler’s shoulder is hurting, he holds it all the time and when he hits his elbow drops he grimaces and holds his shoulder. Since Dolph has a bum shoulder now, theoretically the only moves of his that will have all his strength behind it is the superkick.
Owens reverses the Fameasser into a release german suplex, Owens goes for a cannonball but Dolph moves and hits the Fameasser.
Then they trade superkicks and Dolph is able to fall onto Owens for two. Bothe guys are on the ground and the ref checks on them instead of counting to 10. Maybe they are told to not do that… I don’t know but it always bothers me. I WANT TO COUNT TO 10!!
Owens ended up catching Dolph in the Pop Up Powerbomb, Dean Ambrose music hits instead and he comes out with his pop and popcorn. Owens is pissed his music isn’t playing.
Ambrose slowly walks to the ring eating and drinking, Owens is yelling for his music and holding onto that IC title like it was his son Owen.
Ambrose offers popcorn to Owens and Kevin says “I don’t want popcorn I WANT MY MUSIC!” Ambrose throws popcorn in Owens face and then soda all over him. Then Ambrose walks to the back nonchalant like…..

And I’m Like… Dean Ambrose is kinda a dick, and looks evil as hell. That match was good. It’s hard for me to truly get excited for a match if the crowd doesn’t add to it. It’s like watching Star Wars without the music. The story and characters are there, it’s just, there is no UMPH! After that segment, I want Dean Ambrose to be beat to smithereens though.

Bray Wyatt is in the back and says “Only four blind mice, wandering into the snakes nest. They are lost. It’s up to us to decide their fate.” Braun said “I have a dream, I become Tommy Dreamers nightmare. I will squeeze the life out of him until he breathes his last breath.”

Neville is backstage and Miz walks up to him. Neville is wearing Undertaker levels of mascara. Miz introduces Donnie Deutsch to Neville. I know for a fact that Donnie is a douche, he is like Summer 2015 Dolph Ziggler. I know Donnie from Morning Joe, when Willy Geist went to the MSG Hulkamania show he was bragging about it the next day. You know who didn’t know much about wrestling? Donnie Douche.

Sasha Banks!!!! and Naomi vs. Team Bella

Crowd cuts during Team B.A.D.’s entrance and we got Banks cosplay and a We Want Banks sign. I want a Sasha Banks onsie for my daughter. She kicked my wifes stomach when she was pregnant when Sasha came out against Bayley in Brooklyn. Twice she was crying and Sasha Banks music made her quiet down. THIS GIRL IS A FAN!! HOW CAN THIS 2 WEEK OLD BABY SHOW SUPPORT?
Team B.A.D. gets a promo and they said “last week we talked about U.N.I.T.Y. ” Sasha says “girl we talking about the U to the N to the I to the T T T-Y because we are all about “UNITYYY” and they sing it soprano. They will whip team Bella with UNITYYY and Byron is bout it bout it.
Team Bella comes out. Lol. It;s Brie and Alicia… Team Bella. or Team Foxy
Alicia and Sasha start it off. Sasha pushes Fox and runs away. Sasha gets caught in a Tilt-a-whirl back breaker and the screen blacks out for a second because NO ONE wants to see Sasha get hurt.
Alicia hits another tilt-a-whirl on Naomi and she is hurting. Team B.A.D. tried regrouping but got synchronized baseball slides for thier troubles.
Tamina decided to get involved and THAT DAMN’D NUMBERS GAME got to Team Bella. See Tamina is a mom so she knows how to be there for her girls.
The crowd is quiet by the way. We don’t know who to cheer for because everyone is wearing black hats in this match.
I want to cheer for Team B.A.D. but they cheat and stuff. I want to cheer for Team Bella but I can’t because well they are Team Bella. PCB exploded too. The only white hats right now is Nattie and Becky Lynch.
Brie gets the hot tag to the loudest reaction of the match, a slight cheer and majority of boo’s. Then she does Yes kicks and the crowd is cheering with her.
Sasha was holding Brie’s leg and she ran into Naomi’s rear for the Rear View. Like she was Iceman King Parsons or something. IceQueen Naomi?

AND I’M LIKE… OMGOMGOMGOMG The New Day starts coming out with Unicorn Horns and I AM SO EXCITED. THIS IS IT Cole is calling out all their awesome social media stuff. THEY ARE MATCHING!!! NEW DAY GIVES OUT UNICORN HORNS AND UNITY!!!! BAD DAY Y’ALL!!! This is the coolest thing ever. BOOTY RUBBING AND JUST YES YOU GUYS!! FUCKING YES!! BAD DAY ALL DAY. I wish there were capital letters of capital letters so you can understand my damn excitement. UGH I WANT MORE ALREADY!

We are back and Team B.A.D. is gone…..

The New Day vs. Lucha Dragons

As The Uso’s are street and annoying. They do the ooh ooh from Ludacris’ Saturday . New Day are rocking their Unicorn horns. New Day say they donated money to The League of Nations but it is a tax write off. They sent Kim and Kanye a list of names for their new kid for free. They wanted “Booty West”. They are mad the titles just got put on the line in a match for no reason. It’s a triple threat ladder match. They reenact Big E being a tree and Kofi being a tree and Xavier being the whole New Day. They say they don’t need ladders cause they aren’t firefighters. Unicorn Horns light up too!!
The match doesn’t have too much going on all the commentary by the Uso’s damper the experience. “New Day Same Stuff” whatever Uso’s. New Day are the breath of fresh air, forever changing what they are talking about and staying relevant. Uso’s been doing the same stuff forever. Uso’s starting beating on Woods and legit said “beat him like he stole something” I really am against the Uso’s they are not something you should cheer. They stole the trombone and unicorn horn. Even though they just beat Xavier “like he stole something.” IGNORANT!
It’s weird how 10,20,50 years ago, the bad guys interfere for the cheap win. Now no good guy can win without that type of interference. It sucks being a stand up person that are confident in your beliefs and convictions is what is boo’d.

And I’m Like… That match was forgettable. Sin Cara and Kalisto both screwed up. New Day got screwed. Uso’s are poop emoji’s. I am gonna act like New Day came out and Team B.A.D. and them danced for 15 minutes.

Roman cuts a promo about how Sheamus can’t teach him a lesson about being a man, he can teach him about looking stupid. Then he said he will blister his skin with chairs and put Sheamus through a mountain of tables.

We get a recap video of Charlotte being a B4NR (Bitch for no reason). Miz TV with The Flairs.

The MizTV

I wonder if any MizTv is good enough to get it’s own countdown. I remember his first one where he wouldn’t let the other person (Ryback?) talk the whole time. Now it’s just a different way to get a 20 minute promo.
Miz says he was gonna have Paige come out to interrupt but turns out he can’t so then he introduced Charlotte.
We see its Charlotte vs. Paige Sunday even though Charlotte is kinda being a meany to Becky Lynch.
Charlotte rips on Miz for not sucking up to Ric Flair… Charlotte.. you know that Ric taught the Figure Four to Miz? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT MOVE!! You do the Figure Eight…
Charlotte is starting to act like her dad, she shows off her new rolex. She says “right Dad” and laughs. She is like becoming Ric Flair to please Ric Flair. This could be a great year or two long storyline. She starts to become like Ric and is the Dirtiest Girl in the Game. Then she realizes that isn’t the way to go and has to decide between keeping her father happy or making herself happy.
She tells Miz she feels sorry for Maryse. Laughable, Maryse held the Diva’s title more times and longer than you girl.
Miz wants Charlotte to respond to Paige’s comments. Miz makes the storyline about Paige saying Charlotte was only in wrestling cause her dad. Even though it was about her brother…
Charlotte calls Paige a gothic piece of trash.. Paige comes out and Flair says Charlotte this is a ploy. He leads Charlotte out the ring and Paige slaps Ric. She mimics the strut and Ric says “get her” to Charlotte. I am pulling for a good match on Sunday, but I won’t really cheer either girl.
How come no one has called Paige a rundown Elvira?

And I’m Like… No mention of Becky Lynch? They make it super personal a few weeks back, then slow down on it, then change it. Can it please be over?

Ryback vs. Rusev

Cole says that this match is because of a count out last week.
Rusev already had a match… We are supposed to boo Rusev and cheer Ryback?
Rusev tells Lana he is too sore from the match and he is thinking about going to the back. The crowd chants “Feed me More” and Rusev is just grimacing.
Collar and elbow and Ryback overpower’s him. Ryback does a over the top rope corkscrew. Ryback screams “WE ARE HAVIN FUN!”
Rusev is selling his whole body as being in pain, he is still able to go toe to toe with Ryback…
Rusev starts working over the arm Ryback uses for his Meathook and Shell Shock. Smart by Rusev, if he is hurting all over, at least hurt the part of Ryback that gives you the most damage.
Ryback usually does clotheslines when he is building momentum but his arm hurts too bad so he does shoulder blocks. THE LITTLE THINGS!! He can only hook the leg with his good arm. Take notes Dolph.
Rusev ran by Lana who got in the way of Ryback and Ryback ran her down. She is hobbling on her golden heels and Rusev gets the chance to beat on Ryback and do an Accolade on the outside. Lana smiles and walks around like she is fine.
Ryback is turning all sorts of red and purple and veiny… Lana doesn’t even do the crush or release crush thing.
They make out and Rusev legit wipes his spit off her mouth! lol middle school kissing.

And I’m Like… Byron says “more PDA” haha. That match was good. I think Rusev is one of the best, all of his matches have a real feel to them. Ryback seems to get better constantly and is always keeping it fresh. Could be my favorite match of the night.

Stardust vs. Jack Swagger

Stardust and Swagger are wrestling without either one getting an entrance. They are established characters and so I think this is fine. It’s like Stampede Wrestling. A 45 minute match and we jump in at minute 37.
Alberto and Zeb Colter come down and Swagger got ignored. Titus is on commentary. Titus tells Zeb to slow his scooter down.
Where is the Ascension? Stardust has the advantage but not for long as Swagger comes back with some good signature spots. The crowd doesn’t react much because Swagger hasn’t been a main focal point for months.
Swagger reverses the Beautiful Disaster kick into a Patriot Lock for the win and Del Rio hits Swagger with a chair. Stardust was coming at Del Rio and Titus warned him so Del Rio hit Stardust with a chair. What the hell Titus?
Swagger popped up with a chair and there is a Mexican stand off. Del Rio hits chairs with Swagger and dropped his chair. Alberto trips over Colters scooter and runs away. Swagger starts freaking out, ADR runs away, Zeb carts away. Stardust is helped by the referees and Titus just sits on commentary.

And I’m Like… That was used to further the story. As was evident with no pre match proceedings… Interested to see where it goes. The Legion feuds with The Empire but when the Legion splinters off they have their own battles.

Rosebush segment again. Adam Rose wants to know why Miz is trying to get Neville cast in a movie. This is like Hollywood Minute or The Soup . He says Tommy Dreamer thought his baby oil was Becky Lynch hair or something… because orange skin.

Del Rio threatens Colter with a chair and fires him because we laugh at Del Rio cause Zeb has a scooter. Colter gets a chair thrown at him as he scoots away. Del Rio is an asshole and Swagger will face him for a chairs match. There goes MexAmerica…

Braun Strowman vs. Tommy Dreamer

This makes the first match of the night less important. Half the guys in the match had another match… That shows the lack of depth in this roster I guess. Tommy did this . That is the grossest..
For real when Tommy was doing that gross stuff gimmick like eating hair and drinking urinal water. and CHEW SPIT that scarred me worse than anything in wrestling.. Maybe Fandango pouring milk on himself .
The match ends with Braun squeezing out Dreamer.

And I’m Like… 50/50, Dreamer pinned Rowan, Dreamer got beat by Strowman. Members of both teams have been put through tables… It really doesn’t matter who wins or what happens…

Roman Reigns is taught a lesson by Sheamus

Roman comes out as the announce team talks about Sheamus.
Roman asks where Sheamus is. The ring has ladders and chairs and tables in the ring.
Roman does a good promo about his climb to the top of the WWE Ladder as he climbs an actual ladder. Great visual of the rung by rung metaphor.
Roman calls out Sheamus so they can “destroy this arena” Roman tells Sheamus to bring his ass out here right now.
Sheamus gets full entrance… It makes me miss ‘lobster head’ but his entrance is so good now. The slow build and bright lights..
Roman told Sheamus to come down and fight him. Sheamus kept saying no, Roman kept egging him on.
Roman is not a good role model.
This segment feels so so flat…
Sheamus says he will build the world’s greatest castle with broken tables ladders and chairs… no hammers or nails?
Roman is a bully and calls Sheamus Tator Tot, which the crowd cheers.
Roman made fun of Sheamus for being scared, says if he doesn’t get in the ring then Reigns will kick his ass more. Unfair.

And I’m Like… Underwhelmed for Sunday. This show started off nice and had it’s moments, but this final segment made me SO TIRED!! I don’t think that is what gets me excited. Count our blessings though, this is something different. Something new. Even if there is crowd fighting. They fight onto the entrance ramp and they are using weapons on each other. Roman went for a spear and Sheamus tossed him to the side and taunted. Roman hit a spear through a table and is holding his arm that hit the metal grate on the entrance ramp.

That was hard to stay up to during the end there. TLC should be fun, this episode is over so I will go watch more Lancelot Link.

Have a good one, try not and lie, lies suck. Like and share please, those are nice.

-Jake