I am a procrastinator… I should have gotten my Old School blog and my Payin Dues blog done over the weekend, instead I just finished now. So I am about two hours late to Raw.. Let’s not dilly dally, let’s get to it.
Monday Night Raw Opening
- We start with a video package of last week. No not Daniel Bryan retiring, THE OTHER STUFF THAT HAPPENED.
- The video shows Ambrose being more guts than brains and calling out Brock Lesnar. He also gets his ass kicked by Brock Lesnar, but will. not. die. It is really putting over Dean as a crazy fighter type. He is like Arnold from Hey Arnold!
- Roman Reigns entrance song even comes on in the video package. I remember when his music overpowered Bray’s magical powers, now the video. Roman Reigns music has the most magic out of anything in WWE.
Dean Ambrose Comes Out
- Cole welcomes us to Raw but doesn’t say where we are from, he says we are in The Ambrose Asylum then points out it is in Anaheim.
- Fastlane is this Sunday, I better not procrastinate my other blogs this weekend.
- Ambrose stands in the ring with his arms to his side, the crowd cheers. Ambrose says he is in the fight of his life this weekend.
- He has such a chaotic aura to him. You wanna listen to him and the way he talks is so captivating. He also has a very red nose right now, either got punched or fell, or has a case of the sniffles.
- Ambrose also does a cheap pop. Saying sunny California.
- Dean calls out Brock and…
Stephanie McMahon comes out
- Nobody do her like she do her
- Cole brings up that Ambrose interrupted Steph last week so EYE FOR AN EYE
- Stephanie’s line delivery is on point. Her vocal inflection goes up and down based on the face she is making, and for every emotion she wants to convey her face coincides with that change.
- Ambrose gets cheers from the crowd when Steph asked if the crowd wants to see Ambrose get F-5’d. She says it is awkward that the crowd cheers him but wants to see him get beat up too.
- Ambrose is put in an F-5 match. It’s a Fatal-5 Match for the Intercontinental Title.
- Steph says if Roman interferes Dean can’t be in the title match. She says that if she was Roman she would interfere to help her friend and better her chances.
And I’m Like… Ambrose only loses titles in multi-man matches. He lost the U.S. in a battle royal so odds don’t look good for Dean. That was a fast opening and got us right into the thick of things. Raw is really knocking it out of the park lately with opening segments.
Intercontinental 5-Way Title Match
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Kevin Owens vs. Stardust vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Dolph Ziggler
- Kevin Owens got the biggest cheer from the crowd. Also Tyler Breeze’s hair isn’t in a ponytail which is weird to me.
- The match starts with Owens and Ziggler going at each other because unfinished business
- Tyler and Stardust come right at Dean Ambrose
- I am torn as a fan because I think Stardust is in another universe when it comes to character work and entertainment. Tyler Breeze has that “hard working in NXT, want them to succeed feel” and Owens is Owens so I always want him to be seen in a good light.
- Dean is cool, I am just indifferent towards him as long as he is Roman’s little buddy.
- Cole lets us know that there is DQ in this match because Stephanie said so.
- Ambrose and Owens square off while the other three guys are somewhere on the ground. These two can fight and love to make the fights look real. It amazes me how many people Owens has great chemistry with. He is a treasure… Dean is too… SO IS STARDUST! This is a match full of Pirate Booty! That is a compliment.
- Ambrose was getting ready to dive out of the ring but Ziggler caught him with a dropkick. Ziggler went for an elbow drop, and either wound his elbow up for theatrics or he played a shitty version of air guitar.
- Breeze gets ready to dive to the outside but Owens stopped him. Owens set Breeze up for a powerbomb and powerbombed Breeze to the outside ontop of Ziggler and Stardust.
- Ambrose countered the pop-up powerbomb and dove to the outside on the 3 guys. Now I always think of how much Daniel Bryan loved diving to the outside feeling like he could fly…
- Everyone is laid out as we go to commercial.
- WE come back with Stardust and Ambrose fighting on the top rope. Stardust falls
- Tyler Breeze and Ambrose fight on the top rope. Ambrose knocks Breeze off.
- Dean was by himself but Ziggler came and super X-Factored Ambrose.
- Stardust went for a beautiful disaster but Owens turned that into a superkick. THIS IS BONKERS!!!
- Owens sees all four men laying on the bottom rope in the turnbuckles so Kevin hit three cannonballs, while going for his fourth Breeze hit a Beauty Shot for two. It was broken up by all the other wrestlers.
- “This is Awesome” chant….There is barely room to breathe because every guy has about 4 or 5 signature moves and they ARE ALL HITTING THEM.
- Owens Pop-Up Powerbombs Breeze for the win.
And I’m Like… Guy reaction says ZAYN vs. OWENS at Mania in a Savage/Steamboat classic. Then my brain races… Ambrose vs. Owens? Now that the title is off Ambrose is he winning at Fastlane? Is anyone joining the Authority? I want Ambrose to take the pin at Fastlane and finally snap at Mania and screw Roman over. I actually don’t know what I want. Being excited for wrestling is fun.
Daniel Bryan video of Yes’ing and his retirement. Rumor has it Brie is on her way out too with both her closest friends in life out with neck and concussion injuries. It’s amazing that in 2016 the only one on the roster in a title match is not Nikki or Daniel Bryan or John Cena.. It’s Brie F’n Bella. Can you imagine if both those couples have kids? The children already have a built in storyline if they ever need one. We still will get Charlotte facing HHH and Steph’s daughter in like 8 years for the first ever Woman’s WrestleMania Main Event. The future will be crazy for 3rd and 4th generation superstars.
Sorry for the rant, I just try so hard not to get sad about the end of the ‘Reality Era’ and Daniel Bryan and stuff.
We see a Dean Ambrose in the back looking angry but more looking like he is holding back tears. Renee interviews him and Dean says “when the world takes something from you it leaves your hands open for something better” He thinks either Gandhi or Gallagher said it. Lol. Dean says now he has nothing to lose…. Maybe Roman joins Authority and turns on Dean.
Renee is now interviewing Kevin Owens with Ambrose really close in the back I believe. Owens wants recognition from Renee for being right getting the belt back. Ziggler slow claps into the interview… Owens tells Ziggler to get out his spotlight. Ziggler says there isn’t a spotlight big enough in the world. Ziggler challenges Owens at Fastlane…. ANOTHER REASON I AM AGAINST ZIGGLER… He points out how the past couple weeks they have wrestled and should again for the belt. Owens gets even better by saying “nah”
Big E vs. Mark Henry
- Big E comes out with a waddle. We also get a video package from September to show us the interaction between Edge and Christian. The one where Big E ate kazoo.
- We see that The Cutting Edge Peep Show will have New Day which means New Day doesn’t defend the belts?
- Can we have a Cutting Edge Peep Show that gets overthrown by Miz TV that is shown up by Highlight Reel that will be haunted by Pipers Pit and the Flower Shop then someone can get thrown through the Barber Shop window…
- Xavier makes fun of kazoo’s not being intsruments. He mentions a recorder, Big E needs clarification. They somehow work it into Big E miming giving a blowjob but it’s a PG blowjob so don’t worry. Kids won’t get it, adults will. Like in Shrek where the cops find Puss and Boots catnip and he swears it’s not his. Kids don’t get that that meant drugs.
- Big E says Coldplay was bad at the halftime show. He was about to say Super Bowl but he was stopped because copyright.. so THE BIG GAME!
- When will New Day get their own talk show? The positivity hour? Big E calls Mark Henry a bustah!
- Kofi called Henry “the world’s largest booty hole”
- Then a commercial as Henry comes out for his match
- We start with Henry beating up Big E. Delivering a head-butt and Big E catches his breath on the outside.
- Big E sneaks up on Henry and delivers kidney shots to the big man. I want an old school Dino Bravo type weightlifting competition between E and Henry.
- Big E does the unicorn stampeded by himself, which loses it’s luster without the tromboning. Once Big E starts gyrating, Francesca II can be heard.
- Big E gets a two count… which isn’t enough, but we know a three count isn’t enough either he needs 5 .
- Xavier gets in Henry’s face blowing Francesca. Big E was able to overcome it for a bit but the Big E lifted Mark Henry, who fell down and hurt himself. Big E pinned Henry VERY QUICKLY. Ref ran over to Mark who is rolling around.
- Cole and Saxton say two splashes and Mark Henry being on Big E’s shoulder broke his ribs. They cut to commercial quick.
And I’m Like… Good thing the injury happened at the last part of the match. Big E pinned so fast it was shocking to me. The match was there to show us we have a new STRONGEST I guess… That is me making up a reason for the match to exist. I mean I know they had to have it cause Henry walked out on New Day last week, but moving forward WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
Brie Bella Interview
- We see Daniel Bryan retiring again. The crowd crying like everyone else was. UGH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US WWE!!! We don’t want to go through this…
- Brie leads a lackluster Yes! chant. Byron asks how Daniel is.. and “Daniel Bryan” chants because Daniel Bryan’s wife.
- Brie was telling us what Bryan was up to and Charlotte came out to boo’s because IF ANYONE interrupts Daniel Bryan conversation we boo them.
- We hear boo’s and woo’s now… This is weird because I feel like it’s not Charlotte vs. Brie its Flair’s ghost vs. Daniel Bryan’s ghost in the form of women. Charlotte is tip toeing around the fact that Daniel Bryan isn’t dead but he is gone.
- That jogs my “Charlottes brother is dead” memory and am like GO FOR THE THROAT BRIE.
- Charlotte and Ric Flair mixed with Daniel Bryan emotion gets me to cheer for Brie. I could never truly cheer for Brie but this is the closest I am gonna get.
- Charlotte says Brie and Daniel need the money, that is why Brie is in the ring.
- Brie brings up the fact that Charlotte says she injured Nikki. Charlotte tries to heel it up more but it feels weird. She seems like THE bitch but the crowd control isn’t there yet. She can get them to shut up but she can’t manipulate them like a McMahon.
- I wonder what goes through Ric’s head during these segments.
- Brie is saying words with emotions but there is like, spaces, in, between, her words. The segment. will, play, well, on, video packages.
- Charlotte makes Brie mad and “crosses the line” by making fun of her future babies. I think that is just Kharma isn’t it Brie… Charlotte decided to play this game on Brie Mode.
And I’m Like… This added emotion to a Diva’s title match. JBL talks about how pressure can bust pipes or make diamonds. The match will be interesting but this is one of those, it will be better in retrospect with video packages.
Speaking of better in video packages. The Wyatt’s get a spooky video package of them beating up Kane… Like they have for YEARS!!
The Miz vs. AJ Styles
- Jericho is out on commentary, I want to dislike it, but I will wait and see where it goes.
- AJ is looking less and less nervous everytime he comes out. I can’t wait til he is totally comfortable in WWE, maybe about two more feuds. This is the best for him though, Miz and Jericho are some of the most trusted hands
- “Aj Styles” from the crowd and Jericho is quick to point it out.
- Jericho says he respects AJ but he doesn’t like him. Jericho says the crowd likes him because he is “something new”
- JBL asks if AJ is reminiscent of Lionheart. It’s funny that AJ is seen as a rookie and a kid. The commentators point out how he is a rookie to WWE. Which totally makes sense, but still seems funny to me.
- Jericho says AJ should take Miz’ teeth and put them on a necklace.That is a reference to WCW Jericho. That was a fun Jericho, I believe it was before the 1,004 holds.
- Miz talks stuff to Y2J but AJ comes at Miz with a diving forearm.
- I think I like Jericho better as a commentator. He doesn’t play to the crowd so all the things that make him annoying are turned down to -11.
- It’s cool to see an offensive maneuver and hear the crowd “oooh” like when AJ did a pumphandle gut breaker.
- Aj reversed the Skull Crushing Finale into a pin, near fall. Miz got rolled up, near fall. Aj hit a pele for a GREAT near fall. At the one going into two count Aj added a forearm to the face of Miz which sold the finish for me. I bought the near fall because of that.
- Cole said “what a hell of a match” in a surprised and excited voice.
- Styles took the SCF and I for sure thought that was it and AJ KICKED OUT!!
- I’m glad Miz is a former champion because dude can have good matches with so many people and him being a guy who beat Cena at Mania gives him infinite credibility even if he loses 100 times in a row.
- Aj wins with a Calf Crusher
And I’m Like… All the commentators agree that was a great match. Miz tapped out because when it comes to AJ “he don’t want none” Miz walks away while AJ stays in the ring. Jericho has the mic and we segue into another segment. Aj tells Jericho to stop talking.. We legit are having AJ cut a promo right after a match and he isn’t holding the mic close to his face… THIS IS WHY WE NEED MANAGERS.. AJ can wrestle, but he can not sell a match. AJ challenged Jericho to a third match at Fastlane.
This segment started with the crowd saying “AJ STYLES” after AJ talks and challenges Jericho, after a win. The crowd chants “y2J”…. Poor AJ. Get him an Aarnold Skaaland type. I am no saying like a Pat Patterson as his manager, but maybe a Scott Hall or some legend that can work the stick you know? Then again Daniel Bryan became pretty good after a few years of practice..
The Dudleyz Promo
- Dudleyz talk a bit and call out the Uso’s. We hear that Uso’s won’t be here because they got Mae Young’d. When did Mae come back after being powerbombed through a table?
- D-Von is tellin us how we thought it was “good ol’ Dudleyz” If you aren’t the good ol relics from Dudleyville, why aren’t you telling us to suck dicks and stuff?
- The Dudleyz biggest heel thing to do is no put people through tables… Heeldom in wrestling is weird. Heels make something cool and we cheer and want it, then they take it away. Then that means the next time they use tables we cheer them.
And I’m Like… The Dudleyz look at the crowd and make faces and stuff, not much of a reaction though. So yeah.
Paige is walking backstage looking like she is about to cry.
Summer Rae vs. Paige
- Oh Summer… I forgot she was on the roster. She is a great talent too. At least in a managerial role. I don’t even know what her finish is. If she wasn’t such an easy person to boo I would say pair her with AJ. Except WWE can’t really do a storyline with two sexes that don’t end up in relationships. Imagine if Summer was like a Ma Barker .
- This match is better than expected. Summer has some moves she had planned to hit and hit them well. Paige was taunting a bunch and Summer got the pin on her too…
- Summers finisher is a roll up?
And I’m Like… I don’t think this makes Summer that much of a threat… Paige.. what is going on with her? This is a DIVA’S match in every word. Short match, no story, no back story, no heel or face. Poor Paige.
Paul Heyman is walking at a brisk pace to get to the ring
Paul Heyman Promo
- Heyman comes out to do his job. Sell Fastlane.
- He tells us how special Fastlane will be. Paul says he doesn’t want to flap his gums while Roman watches on a monitor.
- He asks for “the Samoan Badass” and the enforcer of The Shield. Do we ever bring up the fact that Heyman paid The Shield to be in WWE? IS that still canon? I remember Paul giving thim money or talking to them once.
- It’s kind of good that Roman wears a shirt. That means in 20 or 30 years when he comes out for a match he can wear the same clothes and still have the same appeal.
- Heyman is talking about how he respects Roman Reigns, like it was a snowed in studio recorded/live Raw.
- Heyman is telling Roman what we already know. Roman wants to win…..
- Watching Heyman talk makes me think. What was Heyman like as a kid? Imagine a toddler Paul Heyman, you leave the room for a second, something crashes, you rush into your room. There is little Paul with his smarmy ass smile and his ability to talk for days.
- Heyman makes a good point. If you want to be successful and be at the top, you can’t have family or friends. It’s true kinda, the number one guy can’t have it all. Look at Cena, legit divorced his high school sweetheart because careers. He will have a legacy that will last multiple lifetimes, but he won’t have a family to go with that legacy. At least not yet. Being the best is quite a sacrifice. Only very few people are like HHH.
- Roman shook Paul’s hand because “no one says what they are thinking to a man’s face anymore” AIN’T THAT THE TRUTH!!!
- Roman shook Heyman’s hand again after Roman said he will beat Brock.
- Dudleyz come out and beat up Roman because ECW and heels… Also because Smackdown needs a match. Ambrose comes out to save Roman like Roman saved Dean last week.
And I’m Like… lol referee’s. Dean gets an entrance song and time to clear the ring before ALL the ref’s in the back came to stop the brawl. Ambrose shook Reigns hand and faked Dirty Deeds. It looked like Roman fought out of it but maybe Dean let him go. Dean tells Roman how important it is and Reigns smiles. They pound fists. Roman’s music hits and the crowd boo’s. Roman is looking at Dean with apprehension.
We a Vincent J. McMahon Legacy of Excellence award. We hear no one has deserved this award until now. I think that this will be a big deal. I was watching Tuesday Night Titans today and Vince was accepting his dad’s award for the Madison Square Garden Hall of Fame. His eyes were watering but he said the speech like a champ. You can tell how important Vince’s dad was to him. For Vince to give out an award with his dad’s name on it must be important. “The gahden is the gahden” Onwards and Upwards. And all that.
We also see the Big Show is gonna be on Austin’s Podcast. Big Show was over exposed but what he did for the business will not go unnoticed. He was made for wrestling and we are so lucky to have a man that big be that passionate. To have him sell more moves in a match than Mil Mascaras did in a lifetime speaks volumes for the man. He created so many moments that we haven’t realized are special yet. He is one of the good ones and one of the greats. Andre The Giant was a once in a lifetime athlete, so was Big Show. We might never see someone like that again. Surely, not for a few years. Big Show, thank you.
Heath Slater vs. Zack Ryder
- Poor Zack, no entrance or anything. Bo says that the Outcasts are the Dream Team. Bo Dallas says he is like Dennis Rodman or Larry Bird. One of the two LOLOLOL
- Heath borrowed a victory lap from Bo and the Outcasts ran with him, its a victory train.
- Zack looks so depressed. We cheered him because he was real, and naïve. Now he is just serious and a wrestler. You can tell that life has soured this man and he like, gave up on it, but still lives it. I wonder if his dad likes Lucha Underground.
- Ryder flips over the top and takes all the Outcasts down.
- Not all of them cause Bo was able to distract Ryder so Heath could get the win.
And I’m Like… a fan of The Outcasts, but where do they go from here. How do they keep us interested. New Day sometimes struggle at that. I hope they have an actual storyline. We know they will break up one day, but let’s hope the break up has substance. Not just separating.
Goldust and R-Truth do comedy bits . Goldust squirted champagne on R-Truth’s wife. There was a In Your House joke. R-Truth told his girlfriend that he likes champagne on her…. hmmm…
Kevin Owens gets his own video package with music sponsored by Geico… What!?!?!
League of Nations vs. Lucha Dragons and Neville
- So last year, the U.S. Title was held by Rusev in high regard. He lost to Cena who did wonders for the belt. Somehow it doesn’t matter anymore. Thanks Del Rio.
- Watching this , one must ask themselves. Does this match matter?
- Lucha and Neville jump in synchronicity to the outside so we can get a commercial
- I am starting to watch these matches like I watched 2015 Daniel Bryan. You just think someone will get injured ALL THE TIME.. I don’t know why I watch this way but I feel like Sheamus was hurt on getting tossed over the top rope. I feel like someone else will be hurt because. It makes me more invested but not for the right reasons. Like if an old lady was walking down some stairs with banana peels all over them. Your totally gonna watch just in case she falls, but it’s kinda cruel to watch for that reason, because what good can come from it?
- Kalisto hot tagged to Sin Cara and man do I think an injury is coming… It’s going pretty smooth though.
- Sin Cara does a dive to the outside and it makes me think of a flying goat….
- UGH Del Rio setting up his finish.. I am sorry Sin Cara settin up Del Rio’s finish cause who holds their balance on the ropes while trying to “get free” Lose that shit dude… What is wrong with breaking arms? WHO CAME UP WITH THAT??
And I’m Like… Well good thing Del Rio pinned Sin Cara.. I wonder if he can pin Kalisto… I can’t even get exciting or try to get excited for this stuff.
Booker T video of being black and strong. He blazed many a trails. Glad WWE are doing these videos. They should do one a week for any superstar. That would be fun, just to see how great someones career actually was with a great video package.
Michelle Beadle is sitting in front row. I became a fan of her ever since she called Punk ‘fuck face’ and he reacted like CM Punk would react…..
Becky Lynch vs. Naomi
- Orange hair vs. Blue hair
- Becky worked Naomi over quickly and now Naomi needed advice from Tamina.
- NAOMI debuted a new kick type thing.. She was like Liu Kang
- So Sasha isn’t out here. She was wrestling on Smackdown! Which makes me think, if they only have her wrestle on that, are they seeing if she can raise rating by herself.
- Becky was the slickest when she reversed a pin into a pin, when Naomi kicked out Becky Dis arm’d her.
- Sasha’s music hit when Becky was getting beat up. There was a pop but not big. Sasha takes her jewelry off. She is held back by the ropes. She has the pinkest hair.
- Sasha.. you’re my favorite. Still though, you should have landed some offense, cause that’s a reason we like you. Also… please get your old hair back, with pink at the edges if you want pink. That is just too much. The Diva’s have rainbow hair and I don’t know why. We can tell the difference between women… I think.
And I’m Like…. Sasha walking down the ramp looking for a ghetto brawl made me smile. Sasha circling the ring and getting in just for the baddies to leave made me confused. I think the match should be pretty good though, I hope.
I wonder who will win the Vincent J. McMahon award. Is it someone just retired? Is it a John Cena award? Daniel Bryan? Is it damage control for Titus O’Neil…. It’s funny that that is what has my interest most peaked.
Braun Strowman vs. Big Show
- Wyatt Storyline is that Bray wants to take out all the big sized men because he wants the fans to worship the Wyatt’s. So Wyatt’s took out Kane, Big Show, and Ryback.. There are 4 Wyatt’s and 3 others…. Is the fourth Undertaker?
- Luke Harper talks and no one what’s him because… Luke Harper is talking?
- Why do these microphones sound so quiet. Are they quiet? Is that why EVERYONE who spoke got What’d? Are the What’s because of hearing and not boredom?
- Bray brings up Twitter and followers. I think Twitter followers are different than cult followers. Bray Wyatt is talking about taking down the machine… that is fun.
- His new catchphrase is “bow to me”
- Big Show looks near tears… I feel bad for when he leaves us. At the same time, two big men aren’t really my thing. Especially if they move all rigid like.
- The crowd is on their hands and so am I. This is Braun’s first main event.
- Big Show started fighting back and then The Wyatt’s attacked.
- Ryback in his black trunks is cleaning house to a mild reaction. Wyatt’s dominate him too…
- Bring Kane out, Wyatt’s beat him then GONG right? Does everyone predict the Gong until it happens during WrestleMania season?
- There was no Gong but there was fire on theturnbuckles.
- Kane tried climbing out of the ring and Wyatt’s were stupid and let him get out of his hole. Good guys stand tall and no GONG.
And I’m Like… Where is HHH.. I guess it isn’t about him but it’s weird to not see the Big Graphic. Cole says the Titan’s of WWE are not going to give up their thrones. If you think about it this is like a good storyline. I just wished we cared more about the people. The last of the Titan’s is dope.
Alright I got to get up in like 4 hours so I am heading to bed very quickly. Thank you for the read and please like and share and spread the word. I appreciate it so much.
You can share on twitter or facebook or if you have an elderly family member you can e-mail it. Thanks in advance.
Have a good one
-Jake
