Ya know, I swear I wrote something like this last week…
Look, guys. I hope I’m not coming off as bitter lately. I don’t think I am– I just think I tell it how it is. I had to pay money to be a wrestler. When I approached JT Lightning about training at the Cleveland All Pro Wrestling school, I didn’t approach him with, “Well, being a wrestler is my dream. I just don’t have the money.” I didn’t ask for a special discount because only one of my arms functioned. I paid the price, just like every other person enrolled in the classes.
Before I started wrestling, I sold tickets and did crowd control at events. I didn’t go around claiming that I did more than I did, or that I was something I wasn’t. Which brings me to today’s article.
This is Douglas B. Douglas is apparently a school bus driver and former “professional wrestling” ref. He went to “The School of Hard Knocks” (how original) and majored in “Life Survival Skills.” After reading this article, I think you’ll question the validity of his supposed major.
At 3:01 p.m. I received a message from Douglas, claiming to be a wrestling manager, offering me his services. Sit back. Relax. Enjoy. This is a real person, folks. Ladies and gents, I present to you The Delusional Dumb Ass of This Week In Wrestling.
Okay, pause. This guy messages me to be my manager– yet cannot decipher who I am based on photographs on my page. I’m going to have some fun here…
……….*awkward silence*……….
Just now starting to accompany the people he’s managing to the ring… after two decades…
I could really use help coming up with finishers. I’m going to guess his suggestions are going to be “RKO” or “Go To Sleep.”
“whats your name in the ring”… as he messages me on my Facebook, which contains information including, but not limited to, my name…
You’re*. You’re an independent wrestler.*
I don’t feel like much of a champ when my potential manager can’t even seem to figure out my name, I’ll be honest. I also had no idea independent wrestlers were getting so much back talk…
…some pep talk…
He proceeds to send me this link, to an album on his Facebook…
Which leads me to this…
Oh, I would NEVER make any disrespectful comments about any of his “monster family members.” This guy has been in the managing game for seventeen years. Surely, he’s aquired a who’s who of wrestling superstars. Let’s check them out!…
I would never want to step in the “righ” with THE REAPER… mostly because he’s most likely never been trained.
C-Money. Quite the lavish outfit for a guy with “Money” in his name…
SYDIOUS the SKULL FACED GEMINI KILLER. Nothing says “KILLER” quite like a menacing photo in front of your Transformers action figures…
Well, the explanation for his name really drives it home…
I’d like to imagine that Mr. Fitness is an ironic name.. but I have no faith anymore…
Max Atom… Okay…
Ohhhhh, THE GANGSTER. He must be the leader. He’s my personal favorite, mostly because I loved his work on The Daily Show and in Hot Tub Time Machine…
After checking out his stable, the conversation continues.
I inform that I’m not really as “fired up” as he claimed I would be.
“Come to me and say Owl”…. *face palm*
*joke sails over his head*
But now it’s time to get down to the serious business– IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MO-NAY…
Um… what?… How shocking…
Then, I give him the truth about wrestling. Cover your eyes, kids…
Now, I’m going to lay into him. I’ve had enough.
Valid points, I think. Owl’s response?
Incredible, right? I’m the bad guy!
And with that, Douglas B. Owl refuses to reply. He did, however, post this on Facebook minutes later…
No, Douglas. There is nothing wrong with being a school bus driver and a pro wrestling manager– if you actually are those things. Douglas, you are not a real wrestling manager, and you never will be. I get paid to wrestle. It’s my job. I take high offense to guys like you. You give what I do a bad name.
Do NFL, MLB and NFL players get crap like this? No. Why? Wrestling isn’t a “real” sport. There was a lot of irony in Douglas saying wrestlers get no respect for busting their ass as hard as they do. Meanwhile, he does zero work going around the internet trying to be something he isn’t.
Somehow, Owl, I feel you didn’t learn anything from this, making you The Delusional Dumb Ass of This Week In Wrestling. Congrats… I guess.
Buy shirts at www.prowrestlingtees.com/GregoryIron.
-Greg
