Educated Guess: Royal Rumble 2015

Educated Guess:
Royal Rumble 2015
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty

It's the most wonderful time of the year!
When the belt is defended—the mayhem is splendid!
As �Mania draws near! It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Ladies and gentlemen we are approaching our first stop on the "Road to Wrestlemania." Please gather your belongings as we head into the home of hardcore wrestling. Philadelphia has been the site of some magnificent moments in the history of this great sport, and this Sunday the "City of Brotherly Love" will once again host a groundbreaking event like none other. This will be the 28th annual Royal Rumble extravaganza, and for some the stakes couldn't be higher. Brock Lesnar will walk into the Wells Fargo Center with the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, but who will be in possession of the title by the end of the night? And what's more intriguing—who will challenge the champion for the precious prize once we're out of the "Fast Lane," and safely inside Levi's Stadium? There are six scheduled matches this weekend, including a preliminary six-man tag and the Royal Rumble battle royal. Who's going to win? Well I can't predict the future, but I can most certainly venture an Educated Guess.

New Day vs. Cesaro, Tyson Kidd, & Adam Rose
Before I begin, there are quite a few tag matches this evening, huh? Everything outside of the �Rumble and the triple threat are tag team bouts. Seems mildly excessive, although I guess this could be Vince's answer to critics claiming tag team wrestling is dead. "Then we'll give �em four tag matches, damn it!" This match will go on during what use to be known as the Free-for-All, the preshow exclusively available on the WWE Network. Last month I watched TLC from a local tavern that was playing the event over regular old cable TV. I was dumbfounded to discover the preshow for pay-per-view audiences features Scott Stanford in the WWE's Connecticut Headquarters, versus the live panel and opening contest you see on the WWE Network. Here we will have the chance to watch the highly talented trio known as the New Day head up against the hodgepodge conglomeration of Cesaro, Tyson Kidd and Adam Rose. I really like the latter three, especially Adam Rose as I think now is the time for Leo Kruger to make his violent return. He's been teasing nuances of his former persona for weeks, and since teaming with Tyson and Cesaro we've seen a ruthless side of Adam Rose, the likes of which we've not be privy since the early days of NXT. Although my favorite team is that belonging to the Swiss Superman, I'll have to go with Big E, Xavier Woods, and Kofi Kingston inside a quick 5 minute match. I don't expect it to go much longer than that, as the Royal Rumble panel is promised to be quite an affair in itself.
Educated Guess: The New Day

The New Age Outlaws vs. The Ascension
It's hard to tell what's going on with Konnor and Viktor. The Ascension appear completely clueless on TV each week, lacking any self-awareness as to how ridiculous and outdated their entire gimmick truly is. What was it they said to a ring full of Legends and Hall of Famers? "Born and bred to rip and shred?" Something like that? Come on—this has to be a rib! Could this be the most tongue-in-cheek booking the WWE's attempted since the Attitude Era? Allow the Ascension to demolish each and every enhancement talent on their way to the top, only to lose whenever they face a legitimate team. And I don't mean a physically imposing team, I mean like… Los Matadores. Or have Too Cool come back again only to snap the Ascension back into shape. But where does that lead? Unfortunately I think the Ascension has fallen victim to an all-too-common ailment known colloquially as "Not Having It"—according to Vince McMahon. I mentioned in a previous article the rumors circulating regarding Vince's hidden agenda to dismiss Triple H's NXT all-stars; since arriving in the WWE the Ascension seems to have gotten goofier by the week. I don't think there's any way the Ascension walks away with a victory. I think this will be a short match with Road Dogg's usual dancing spiel and Billy Gunn's "Fame-Asser" for the win. If the Ascension does happen to emerge with their hands held high, I'll be surprised and highly impressed with the WWE for putting a younger gamble ahead of a worn-out guarantee.
Educated Guess: The New Age Outlaws

The Bella Twins vs. Paige & Natalya
As far as the main roster, there aren't two Divas more formidable than the duo of Paige and Natalya. Both come from decorated wrestling royalty in Canada and the UK respectively, and are without question the most technically-sound women the WWE features on either Raw or Smackdown. I don't think there's any Diva in the locker room who could tangle with either woman in a shoot fight, but this isn't fighting, this is professional wrestling—that's why Nikki Bella is the champion. And what a magnificent champion she really is. Both Bellas have come an extraordinarily long way since starting with no wrestling credentials to their name, but especially Nikki. This time last year I think we'd all agree that Brie is the more mat-savvy of the two, but within the last twelve months Nikki has found herself and hit her stride between the ropes. She plays the classic heel archetype perfectly, the same as Ted DiBiase or even Ric Flair. She has a defined skillset that she puts on display when it's at her advantage, but would much rather win a match through trickery and deceit. I see her cower when her opponents loom near, and it makes me think of how many times Rick Rude would walk around the ring before he was finally set to meet his adversary head-on. I think Nikki is one of the most successful female heels in modern WWE history because the heat she garners comes from a genuine place. While I don't think either Brie or her championship twin sister could hold a candle to their thoroughbred rivals, I imagine the Diva's title holder will be on the winning side of this encounter when the night is through.
Educated Guess: The Bella Twins

WWE Tag Team Championship
The Usos (c) vs. Miz & Mizdow
In case you haven't had your share of comradery and team-work, the next match is—another tag match! This time however, the gold is on the line. Or the bronze. Can we talk about this for a moment? How hideous are those tag team titles. I'm hoping Cody Rhodes returns to his �Dashing' former self, wins the tag titles with someone equally tailored, and proceeds to exchange another gaudy piece of shit for the classic design. Seriously, I don't like to use profanity in my writing but those belts are just the worst. Absolutely dreadful, why would anyone want them? They're not even the real tag titles that can be traced back to 1971, they're apart of the fake lineage started in 2002 with Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit. That's complete and utter horse-shit. So about this match—I really do love tag team wrestling; I think we can all agree that tag matches tend to be faster paced thanks to the various combatants involved. I heard a stat courtesy of Bryan Alvarez on Wrestling Observer Radio, stating that this will be twenty-some-odd times that these two teams have battled since the beginning of their rivalry. I imagine this has to be the final blow-off, because their feud has reached a point where options are limited. The Usos need to start working with another tag team, perhaps Cesaro and Kidd, while the Miz and Mizdow focus on the inevitable break-up program they'll work heading into �Mania.
Educated Guess: The Usos

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
Brock Lesnar has only wrestled five matches in the past year, four of which he won, the other he lost by disqualification. Outside of his lackluster blowout with the Big Show at last year's �Rumble, each of Brock's matches has been marred with uncertainty. Of course nobody expected the "Beast" to break the Streak at Wrestlemania in New Orleans. And who could have predicted the way he demolished John Cena at both Summerslam and Night of Champions? This match is just as precarious but brings with it the added element of a third participant—Seth Rollins. I wrote a feature article here at Cheap-Heat, in which I explored the three most plausible outcomes for this match, with a different man emerging victorious in each scenario. While I could make a case for anybody to leave Philadelphia with the championship belt, I think the smart bet is with Mr. Money in the Bank. The only strike Seth has against him is never having held the world title before. Otherwise I think he'd be a much stronger favorite amongst odds makers. I think the most likely situation would feature Seth as a sacrificial lamb, slaughtered from bell to bell by both John Cena and Brock Lesnar, until Cena pulls out an upset by pinning Rollins rather than Lesnar. As any Beast would do, Brock loses his mind and decimates Cena for stealing the championship that nobody could beat him for. Brock then walk out, leaving Seth inside the squared-circle standing across from a dismantled 16-time world champion. With J&J screaming from the sidelines, Seth hands his briefcase to Mike Chioda, and then Lilian Garcia lets us know that Seth Rollins is cashing in his Money in the Bank. It's a predictable proposal that everybody's already pitched, but outside of a clean victory for either John Cena or Brock Lesnar, I think this is Seth's best shot.
Educated Guess: John Cena and then Seth Rollins

The 2015 Royal Rumble
As of my writing this on Friday January 23rd, there have only been seventeen of a total thirty competitors announced for the �Rumble including: Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, Rusev, Bad News Barrett, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, Goldust, Stardust, Big Show, Kane, The Miz, Mizdow, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Fandango, and Luke Harper. Not among those listed is of course Erick Rowan who failed to defeat Luke Harper in his qualifying match on Smackdown. Who might fill the additional thirteen empty spots? I'd guess a handful of legends, probably one if not all of the commentators, and potentially the return of Randy Orton. In the mystical fantasy that is my everyday thinking, I'd really like to see some surprise returns from Superstars long-since gone. Maybe Rey Mysterio will be met with more jubilant fanfare this year, as long as he doesn't "steal" Daniel Bryan's spot again. I guess I might as well get down to my prediction as to who's going to win the Royal Rumble and headline Wrestlemania in Santa Clara. After much consideration and weighing the options, I think we will see a final four consisting of Daniel Bryan, Bray Wyatt, Roman Reigns, and Kane. The final two, after having vanquished the diabolical heels, will be Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan. Now I could definitely see a Royal Rumble 1994 situation, whereby both individuals fall out of the ring simultaneously, therefore each getting a shot at the belt in the Bay Area. But if I had to choose one winner—I say, "Yes! Yes Yes!" to Daniel Bryan winning the Royal Rumble. As the moments wane and the battle wages, Bryan will use his size and agility to outwrestle and outwit the imposing Samoan with the Superman Punch. Daniel Bryan might also present the greatest number of possibilities as far as championship opponents. If Brock retains, Daniel can play David to his Goliath and overcome the odds. If Cena becomes a 16-time champion, the WWE can play on their real life friendship that's already been exhibited on Total Divas. And if Seth wins his first WWE World Heavyweight title, we'll see two former Ring of Honor champions wrestling on the biggest platform in the entire sport. I think Bryan and Brock would have a phenomenal match; I think Bryan and Cena would have an interesting program; but I can't come up with anything more intense than Daniel Bryan challenging Seth Rollins for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in the main event at Wrestlemania 31.
Educated Guess: Daniel Bryan

Though the �Rumble might seem fairly predictable, the outcome of the title match is still anybody's guess. And just because we assume to know who's walking out of Philly the winner, there's always the chance Batista could come back and win it instead. Seriously though, Bryan and Reigns have been tapped for success, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the high octane excitement of a 30-man battle royal. I'm very much looking forward to this Sunday's event as the Royal Rumble is usually one of the best pay-per-views of the year. Remember you can catch all the action through your local cable or satellite providers, or by signing up for the WWE Network for just $9.99. I'm fairly certain the �Network is available in most places, so nobody has an excuse not to check out the 28th annual Royal Rumble. Thank you for joining me again, and I'll see you next month with my Educated Guess about "Fast Lane!"