Happy Fourth of July to everybody from coast-to-coast, and a happy Saturday to the rest of the wrestling fans around the world! July 4 th is America's birthday, so what better way to celebrate than by blowing things up, eating gargantuan portions of pork and beef, and drinking until we're as loose and limber as Tammy Lynn Sytch! My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, back again with one of my world famous "Lucky Thirteen" countdowns. I figured it was only right that we celebrate the season—so I'm here to deliver "Superstars and Stripes Forever: The Top 13 Most Patriotic Performers."
Honorable Mention – G.I. Bro
From Houston, Texas, USA
Before he was the 5-Time WCW Champion and "Godfather of Texas Wrestling," Booker T was known as G.I. Bro. He was basically a G.I. Joe, but since he was black, the Texan Powers-that-Be decided to name him �Bro.' Who knows? If the gimmick stuck, he might never have made it to WCW, might never have met his wife Sharmell, and might never have been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Maybe it's best that Bro went "bye, bye."
13. Corporal Kirchner
From Chicago, Illinois, USA
Michael Penzel—AKA Corporal Kirchner—enlisted in the U.S. Army as a teenager and served in the 82nd Airborne. He was trained by WWE Hall of Famer Verne Gagne, thanks to a favor from another “Real American,” Hulk Hogan. Kirchner joined the WWE roster and went on to defend the U.S. of A. against international narcissists like Nikolai Volkoff, whom he defeated at Wrestlemania II in a flag match.
12. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
From Fargo, North Dakota, USA
Jack Swagger was an All-American college athlete, recruited out of college by the one and only Jim Ross. Zeb Colter was a college athlete as well, but dropped out after just one year to serve in the Vietnam War. Whether they’re defending our nation from foreign fanatics like Rusev, or imposing sanctions on lawful immigrants like Alberto Del Rio, you can’t fault them for their love of freedom.
11. "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes
From Austin, Texas, USA
The late, great Dusty Rhodes was born the “son of a plumber” in Austin, Texas and went on to captivate a nation with 265-pounds of “Blue Eyed Soul.” His “Hard Times” promo spoke to millions of Americans who were fed up with entitled, white collar creeps like Ric Flair. Dusty’s two NWA world title reigns are a testament to what the “American Dream” is all about.
10. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
From Glen Falls, New York, USA
Jim Duggan got his start in Mid-South, but earned his household name recognition while working in the WWE. He won the Royal Rumble, and didn’t do it for a world title, but for the pride of his country. Almost always seen brandishing his signature 2×4, “Hacksaw” was also know to fly “Old Glory” before and after his matches. Say what you will about his in-ring prowess—nobody ever looked so dapper in a red, white, and blue tuxedo as “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan!
9. John Bradshaw Layfield
From Sweetwater, Texas, USA
I'm sure patriotism means something different to everybody on our list; for John Bradshaw Layfield
the wrestler
, it means putting up a wall and keeping foreigners stranded on the other side. But for John Layfield the
man
, America is about helping people and making something of yourself. Layfield is a former world champion, and the creative visionary behind "Tribute to the Troops." Since leaving the squared circle, the new "Voice of Raw" rules the world of finance—turning his modest nest egg into a multi-million dollar fortune. Sure, John lives in Bermuda. But that's to escape the tax laws! And really—what's more American than that?
8. Sgt. Slaughter
From Detroit, Michigan, USA
Depending on how old you are, Sgt. Slaughter is either the greatest American Hero of all time, or the most despicable threat to Hulkamania since Andre the Giant. Unlike Corporal Kirchner, Sgt. Slaughter was a
real
sergeant in the United States Marine Corps—serving from the time he left high school, until his pro wrestling debut in 1972. Let's ignore the fact that he aligned himself for Saddam Hussein later in his career, and focus on the high points: Slaughter was among the first wrestler to play entrance music, and honored his country by entering the arena to the Marine Corps Hymn, and while his role as an heroic babyface is often overlooked, Sgt. Slaughter was touting the virtues of America
long
before his contemporaries.
7. The Undertaker
From Houston, Texas, USA
Even before he did a complete 180 in terms of character, the Undertaker has always been
America’s
Phenom. I mean, look at that photo circa 1993, if you don’t believe me. When the Dead Man disappeared in 2000 however, he returned months later riding a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, and flying the Stars and Stripes wherever possible. The newly rechristened "American Badass" gave "Mean Mark Callous" a new outlet with which to engage his fans. No longer forced to reside in the shadows, the Undertaker came to the defense of the USA on a number of occasions, and was among the first performers to appear after the tragic September 11
th
Terrorist Attacks.
6. Lex Luger
From Buffalo, New York, USA
When Hulk Hogan left the WWE, Lex Luger was pegged to be his replacement. He didn’t have Andre the Giant to body slam in front of 93,000—instead “Made in the USA” Lex Luger lifted the 500+ pound WWE world champion, Yokozuna. Mr. Fuji challenged the entire roster to slam the mighty Yokozuna, knowing full-well that nobody was strong enough. The only man able to handle the monster with ease was Lex Luger. Luger set about traversing the United States in his colorful “Lex Express” tour bus. After his WWE singles’ run, Luger continued to represent his country as one half of the Allied Powers with the British Bulldog.
5. The Patriot
From Columbus, South Carolina, USA
You can’t look at the Patriot and not think about the United States of America. Del Wilkes might look like a regular dude, but when he slips into his mask, he becomes a star spangled super hero, set to defend Lady Liberty. He appeared in the WWE in 1997, when he teamed with Superstars like Vader and Steve Austin to take on the Canadian-prideful Hart Foundation.
4. Vince McMahon
From Pinehurst, North Carolina, USA
While generally viewed as a villain on TV, Vince McMahon is among the most patriotic billionaires in America. Vince worked to bring a yearly wrestling tradition to the Troops stationed overseas and insists on having “America the Beautiful” play prior to every Wrestlemania. But perhaps most notably—Vince McMahon was among the first public figures to appear live in the days following the September 11th Attacks, when Smackdown aired in Texas.
3. Kurt Angle
From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA
Kurt Angle is the only Olympic Gold Medalist in wrestling history, and since debuting in the WWE, has proudly worn his nation’s colors. Not only did Angle win the Gold with a “
broken friggin’ neck,
” he did so while defeating American’s natural enemy—RUSSIA. If his colorful singlet wasn't enough to sell you on his desire to defend America, then look no further than the medals around his neck, his patriot entrance music, and the tri-colored mouth guard sporting the letters: "U.S.A."
2. John Cena
From West Newbury, Massachusetts, USA
Since starring in the Marine, John Cena has become something of a spokesman for the armed forces, rocking the camouflage gear, and waving the red, white and blue wherever he can. John has been on countless international tours, representing both the WWE—as well as the United States—in front of friendly faces and behind enemy lines. Cena never misses the annual “Tribute to the Troops,” and continues to fight the war at home by giving terminally ill children a reason to smile.
1. Hulk Hogan
From Tampa, Florida, USA
He’s a body building guitarist billed from Venice Beach, who’s dedicated himself to the “Land of the Free” for over thirty years. When Vince McMahon banned him from competition, he returned under a hood with the moniker “Mr. America.” Just like the song says—he’s got the red, white, and blue running through his veins. Hulk Hogan has been defending America against the forces of evil since Hulkamania began running wild, and has vanquished the Iron Sheik, Sgt. Slaughter, Yokozuna, Mohammad Hassan, and dozens more! He’s a real American. He fights for the rights of every man. And this July 4th, Hulk Hogan is Cheap-Heat’s Top Patriotic Performer of all time!
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