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http://www.cheap-heat.com/the-iron-side-of-the-stories-9232015/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/the-iron-side-of-the-stories-9232015/#comments Wed, 23 Sep 2015 21:22:16 +0000 Gregory Iron Blogs Wrestler Blogs Brock Lesnar Kurt Angle Lucha Underground Sting http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=14330 2015 has been a wild, crazy and emotional year for professional wrestling and it’s fan base. In The Iron Side of the Stories, we’re going to look at a few of this weeks events in sports entertainment, and I’m going to give my thoughts on them. Here we go: Kurt Angle’s brother, David Angle, arrested […]

2015 has been a wild, crazy and emotional year for professional wrestling and it’s fan base. In The Iron Side of the Stories, we’re going to look at a few of this weeks events in sports entertainment, and I’m going to give my thoughts on them. Here we go:

Kurt Angle’s brother, David Angle, arrested for murdering his wife:

Like I said above– 2015 has been crazy and emotional. Hulk Hogan gets fired from WWE over racist comments. The untimely and sudden passing of Roddy Piper and Dusty Rhodes. Jimmy Snuka gets arrested for the 1983 death of his girlfriend. Now this– after an argument, 62 year old David Angle pulled his wife off of the couch and pulled her arms towards him while pressing his foot into her chest. She lost consciousness, and was unsuccessful in reviving her.

Kurt Angle recently announced that he will be taking a break from wrestling, leading to speculation that a WWE return may happen for the Olympic gold medalist. While the actions of his brother will more than likely play a non-factor in a potential WWE return for Kurt, I got to imagine it’s an extremely difficult situation to deal with. Kurt Angle has always been one of my all time favorite wrestlers, and I wish him and his family nothing but the best during this troubled time.

Brock Lesnar’s Go To Hell Tour:

I don’t know about you guys, but for me, anytime Brock is on my television screen, everything becomes “must see.” Announced during Nighy of Champions, the “Brock Lesnar Go To Hell Tour” definitely seems like must see television. Starting Saturday night, the Go To Hell Tour starts at Madison Square Garden As Lesnar pounds on Big Show live on the WWE Network, makes a pit stop on The Stone Cold Podcast mid-October, and ends inside The Hell In A Cell, at The Hell In A Cell pay per view event, against The Undertaker.

I’m excited to see a Hell In A Cell match happen for a reason for once. In recent years, it seems as though guys are just thrown into a Cell together simply because of the events’ name. Hell In A Cell was designed to be the battleground for which a feud comes to a close, and putting Brock and Taker inside the demonic structure is a fitting ending to the three match series that began at WrestleMania XXX. I loved Brock vs. Undertaker inside the Cell at No Mercy 2002, and I believe it’s one of the more underrated HIAC matches. I’m intrigued to see what they do inside the structure 13 years later.

(Fun Fact, But Really Not That Fun of A Fact, Fact: The only match besides Undertaker and Lesnar to be contested inside HIAC twice is John Cena vs. Randy Orton.)

The Return of Lucha Underground in 2016:

I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Lucha Underground is one of the freshest alternatives in wrestling. A second season of Lucha Underground was being questioned by many wrestling insiders, but it was announced this week that L.U. will be back next year. Not only I am happy that such a unique and different wrestling product like L.U. will be sticking around, I’m glad that guys that I know and love like Son of Havoc (Matt Cross) and Prince Puma (Ricochet) will continue to have a consistent paycheck coming in.

Sting And His Injury At Night of Champions:

When it comes to discussions about the rumored injury involving Sting and the buckle-bomb delivered by Seth Rollins at Night of Champions, I’m reminded of one thing:

No matter who you are… the internet does not care about you.

It simply has no chill. Sure, there were a lot of concerned people when Sting crumpled to the ground just moments after hitting his upper back and neck into the turnbuckles, and rightfully so– it was a scary moment to watch at home. But alas, there are those people that immediately went to bashing Sting. Despite the fact that Sting is in pretty phenomenal shape for a man that’s 56 years old, I read ignorant things on Twitter and Facebook like “Sting is an idiot. He’s too old to take bumps,” or “Glad Sting got hurt… he shouldn’t be in the ring at that age– he’s not Ric Flair.”

People are messed up. For years, fans have wanted to see Sting in a WWE ring. Granted, his entry into said ring may have came a decade and a half later than we would have liked it to, but regardless, no one should be wishing harm to Sting– or any wrestler for that matter. Steve Borden should be praised for not only maintaining a physique that most men nearing 60 years of age can only dream about, but he should be commended for working so hard with Rollins, a man half hid age and one of the top athletes in our sport today.

No matter what the internet thinks– I got your back, Sting.

That’s all for today. Share this if you enjoyed it!

-Greg

http://www.cheap-heat.com/from-koko-to-kamala-racism-in-wrestling/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/from-koko-to-kamala-racism-in-wrestling/#comments Mon, 27 Jul 2015 16:44:05 +0000 B+ Players Blogs CH Podcast Brook Hogan Cowboy Bob Orton ECW Greg Valentine Hollywood Hogan Hulk Hogan Kurt Angle Michael "PS" Hayes NJPW PWG ROH Terry Bolea TNA WCW WWE WWF http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=13179 If the media player gives you trouble, then check out this week’s episode on our OFFICIAL PAGE. This week’s episode of the B+ Player podcast is all about racism in professional wrestling. Hulk Hogan was recently recorded saying some very derogatory things about African Americans, but this is far from the first time a wrestler […]

If the media player gives you trouble, then check out this week’s episode on our OFFICIAL PAGE .

This week’s episode of the B+ Player podcast is all about racism in professional wrestling. Hulk Hogan was recently recorded saying some very derogatory things about African Americans, but this is far from the first time a wrestler has been racist. From what goes on behind the scenes to what we see in front of the camera, prominent promotions such as the WWE have a long history of stereotypical booking. We’re talking about offensive characters, prejudice promoters, and some of the most outlandish segments you’ve ever seen. Lots of sound clips and YouTubing on this episode! You won’t be disappointed.

Our guest this week is James Thorpey – the host of “It’s Still REEL to Me,” available for download at Cheap-Heat.com and through B+ Player Radio. The first episode featured the founder of the B+ Players , Mark Haggerty, and the Roddy Piper classic film “Hell Comes to Frogtown.” Next week James has Gary Mastriano, also of the B+ Players and the popular SKA band the Backyard Superheroes . James and Gary will be talking about Triple H in “The Chaperone.”

We’ll be back later this week with “The Outsiders’ Edge” and a full review of ROH Death Before Dishonor , the G1 Climax current standings, plus our thoughts on the current events in this insanely intricate industry.

You can follow all of the B+ Players on Twitter!
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James Thorpey – @jamesthorpey

Please LIKE and FOLLOW us on Facebook for new episodes of the B+ Players; constant coverage courtesy of DailyWrestlingNews.com, and lots of laughs thanks to Gutbusterwrestling.com!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/superstars-and-stripes-forever-top-13-most-patriotic-performers/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/superstars-and-stripes-forever-top-13-most-patriotic-performers/#comments Sun, 05 Jul 2015 14:41:08 +0000 Mark Adam Haggerty Blogs Top Lists 'Murica America Booker T Dusty Rhodes Hulk Hogan John Cena Kurt Angle Undetaker United States of America USA WWE http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12759 Happy Fourth of July to everybody from coast-to-coast, and a happy Saturday to the rest of the wrestling fans around the world! July 4th is America's birthday, so what better way to celebrate than by blowing things up, eating gargantuan portions of pork and beef, and drinking until we're as loose and limber as Tammy […]

Happy Fourth of July to everybody from coast-to-coast, and a happy Saturday to the rest of the wrestling fans around the world! July 4 ^th is America's birthday, so what better way to celebrate than by blowing things up, eating gargantuan portions of pork and beef, and drinking until we're as loose and limber as Tammy Lynn Sytch! My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, back again with one of my world famous "Lucky Thirteen" countdowns. I figured it was only right that we celebrate the season—so I'm here to deliver "Superstars and Stripes Forever: The Top 13 Most Patriotic Performers."

Honorable Mention – G.I. Bro
From Houston, Texas, USA
Before he was the 5-Time WCW Champion and "Godfather of Texas Wrestling," Booker T was known as G.I. Bro. He was basically a G.I. Joe, but since he was black, the Texan Powers-that-Be decided to name him �Bro.' Who knows? If the gimmick stuck, he might never have made it to WCW, might never have met his wife Sharmell, and might never have been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Maybe it's best that Bro went "bye, bye."

13. Corporal Kirchner
From Chicago, Illinois, USA
Michael Penzel—AKA Corporal Kirchner—enlisted in the U.S. Army as a teenager and served in the 82nd Airborne. He was trained by WWE Hall of Famer Verne Gagne, thanks to a favor from another “Real American,” Hulk Hogan. Kirchner joined the WWE roster and went on to defend the U.S. of A. against international narcissists like Nikolai Volkoff, whom he defeated at Wrestlemania II in a flag match.

12. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
From Fargo, North Dakota, USA
Jack Swagger was an All-American college athlete, recruited out of college by the one and only Jim Ross. Zeb Colter was a college athlete as well, but dropped out after just one year to serve in the Vietnam War. Whether they’re defending our nation from foreign fanatics like Rusev, or imposing sanctions on lawful immigrants like Alberto Del Rio, you can’t fault them for their love of freedom.

11. "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes
From Austin, Texas, USA
The late, great Dusty Rhodes was born the “son of a plumber” in Austin, Texas and went on to captivate a nation with 265-pounds of “Blue Eyed Soul.” His “Hard Times” promo spoke to millions of Americans who were fed up with entitled, white collar creeps like Ric Flair. Dusty’s two NWA world title reigns are a testament to what the “American Dream” is all about.

10. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
From Glen Falls, New York, USA
Jim Duggan got his start in Mid-South, but earned his household name recognition while working in the WWE. He won the Royal Rumble, and didn’t do it for a world title, but for the pride of his country. Almost always seen brandishing his signature 2×4, “Hacksaw” was also know to fly “Old Glory” before and after his matches. Say what you will about his in-ring prowess—nobody ever looked so dapper in a red, white, and blue tuxedo as “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan!

9. John Bradshaw Layfield
From Sweetwater, Texas, USA
I'm sure patriotism means something different to everybody on our list; for John Bradshaw Layfield the wrestler , it means putting up a wall and keeping foreigners stranded on the other side. But for John Layfield the man , America is about helping people and making something of yourself. Layfield is a former world champion, and the creative visionary behind "Tribute to the Troops." Since leaving the squared circle, the new "Voice of Raw" rules the world of finance—turning his modest nest egg into a multi-million dollar fortune. Sure, John lives in Bermuda. But that's to escape the tax laws! And really—what's more American than that?

8. Sgt. Slaughter
From Detroit, Michigan, USA
Depending on how old you are, Sgt. Slaughter is either the greatest American Hero of all time, or the most despicable threat to Hulkamania since Andre the Giant. Unlike Corporal Kirchner, Sgt. Slaughter was a real sergeant in the United States Marine Corps—serving from the time he left high school, until his pro wrestling debut in 1972. Let's ignore the fact that he aligned himself for Saddam Hussein later in his career, and focus on the high points: Slaughter was among the first wrestler to play entrance music, and honored his country by entering the arena to the Marine Corps Hymn, and while his role as an heroic babyface is often overlooked, Sgt. Slaughter was touting the virtues of America long before his contemporaries.

7. The Undertaker
From Houston, Texas, USA
Even before he did a complete 180 in terms of character, the Undertaker has always been America’s Phenom. I mean, look at that photo circa 1993, if you don’t believe me. When the Dead Man disappeared in 2000 however, he returned months later riding a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket, and flying the Stars and Stripes wherever possible. The newly rechristened "American Badass" gave "Mean Mark Callous" a new outlet with which to engage his fans. No longer forced to reside in the shadows, the Undertaker came to the defense of the USA on a number of occasions, and was among the first performers to appear after the tragic September 11 ^th Terrorist Attacks.

6. Lex Luger
From Buffalo, New York, USA
When Hulk Hogan left the WWE, Lex Luger was pegged to be his replacement. He didn’t have Andre the Giant to body slam in front of 93,000—instead “Made in the USA” Lex Luger lifted the 500+ pound WWE world champion, Yokozuna. Mr. Fuji challenged the entire roster to slam the mighty Yokozuna, knowing full-well that nobody was strong enough. The only man able to handle the monster with ease was Lex Luger. Luger set about traversing the United States in his colorful “Lex Express” tour bus. After his WWE singles’ run, Luger continued to represent his country as one half of the Allied Powers with the British Bulldog.

5. The Patriot
From Columbus, South Carolina, USA
You can’t look at the Patriot and not think about the United States of America. Del Wilkes might look like a regular dude, but when he slips into his mask, he becomes a star spangled super hero, set to defend Lady Liberty. He appeared in the WWE in 1997, when he teamed with Superstars like Vader and Steve Austin to take on the Canadian-prideful Hart Foundation.

4. Vince McMahon
From Pinehurst, North Carolina, USA
While generally viewed as a villain on TV, Vince McMahon is among the most patriotic billionaires in America. Vince worked to bring a yearly wrestling tradition to the Troops stationed overseas and insists on having “America the Beautiful” play prior to every Wrestlemania. But perhaps most notably—Vince McMahon was among the first public figures to appear live in the days following the September 11th Attacks, when Smackdown aired in Texas.

3. Kurt Angle
From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA
Kurt Angle is the only Olympic Gold Medalist in wrestling history, and since debuting in the WWE, has proudly worn his nation’s colors. Not only did Angle win the Gold with a “ broken friggin’ neck, ” he did so while defeating American’s natural enemy—RUSSIA. If his colorful singlet wasn't enough to sell you on his desire to defend America, then look no further than the medals around his neck, his patriot entrance music, and the tri-colored mouth guard sporting the letters: "U.S.A."

2. John Cena
From West Newbury, Massachusetts, USA
Since starring in the Marine, John Cena has become something of a spokesman for the armed forces, rocking the camouflage gear, and waving the red, white and blue wherever he can. John has been on countless international tours, representing both the WWE—as well as the United States—in front of friendly faces and behind enemy lines. Cena never misses the annual “Tribute to the Troops,” and continues to fight the war at home by giving terminally ill children a reason to smile.

1. Hulk Hogan
From Tampa, Florida, USA
He’s a body building guitarist billed from Venice Beach, who’s dedicated himself to the “Land of the Free” for over thirty years. When Vince McMahon banned him from competition, he returned under a hood with the moniker “Mr. America.” Just like the song says—he’s got the red, white, and blue running through his veins. Hulk Hogan has been defending America against the forces of evil since Hulkamania began running wild, and has vanquished the Iron Sheik, Sgt. Slaughter, Yokozuna, Mohammad Hassan, and dozens more! He’s a real American. He fights for the rights of every man. And this July 4th, Hulk Hogan is Cheap-Heat’s Top Patriotic Performer of all time!

Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook , and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News !

http://www.cheap-heat.com/the-power-hour-podcast-the-smackdown-iron-man-match/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/the-power-hour-podcast-the-smackdown-iron-man-match/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2015 21:56:08 +0000 B+ Players CH Podcast Reviews Brock Lesnar Kurt Angle Smackdown WWE WWE Championship http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12665 WARNING: This episode of the B+ Players Podcast is especially profane and includes allusions to drug usage, alcoholism, and a whole lot of stuff that you shouldn’t let your kids listen to. However, I’m not a parent, and I’m not going to sit here and tell you how to raise your kids. We’ll be back […]

WARNING: This episode of the B+ Players Podcast is especially profane and includes allusions to drug usage, alcoholism, and a whole lot of stuff that you shouldn’t let your kids listen to. However, I’m not a parent, and I’m not going to sit here and tell you how to raise your kids. We’ll be back to our regular roots later tonight with the flagship show, but as for this–it’s kind of crazy. You’ve been advised!

LISTEN TO THE POWER HOUR PODCAST RIGHT NOW!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Pro Wrestling and Beer – they were basically made to coexist, am I wrong? This week the B+ Player Podcast took to the Jersey Shore for a night of overeating, overdrinking, and overindulging in pro wrestling. We sat around my Seaside Park condo for several hours, binge watching wrestling and consuming way more alcohol than any responsible 30-year olds should be. What resulted was an hour-long podcast wherein we had a “Power Hour” and watched Brock Lesnar versus Kurt Angle, in their epic Iron Man Match from Smackdown in 2003.

What is a POWER HOUR, exactly? So glad you asked! A power hour is when you and a group of friends [or just you… I guess…] take a shot of beer every minute–ON THE MINUTE–for one hour. Sounds easy enough, no? You’d be surprised. We go from highly intelligent color commentators to babbling buffoons in a matter of minutes. Why did we post this most EMBARASSING podcast where we sound stupid and make fun of our close friends by name? Because we’re the B+ Players and we keep it 100. All day.

LISTEN TO THE POWER HOUR PODCAST RIGHT NOW!

Join us and sync your WWE Network along to our random ramblings! We go into detail on both Brock and Kurt as performers, we discuss wrestling in general from both 2003 and 2015. We even spend time chatting about Star Wars, James Bond, the beach, women, and so much more. Listen carefully for a very special set of guests direct from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

LISTEN TO THE POWER HOUR PODCAST RIGHT NOW!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/the-king-of-the-mountain-match-a-slammiversary-tradition/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/the-king-of-the-mountain-match-a-slammiversary-tradition/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2015 20:50:03 +0000 Mark Adam Haggerty Blogs Top Lists AJ Styles Bobby Roode Christian Cage DailyMotion Impact Jeff Jarrett King of the Mountain King of the Mountain Match Kurt Angle Ladder Matches Monty Brown Pro Wrestling Ron Killings Sting TNA TNA Impact wrestling WWE WWE Network Youtube http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12656 The world of professional wrestling is littered with gimmick matches—some of them are amazingly awesome, and others are terribly tragic. Then there are those that lie somewhere in the middle, on an almost Limbo-like plain, where they remain completely dependent on the wrestlers in the match. Casket Matches, TLC's, Royal Rumbles—all enjoyable contests when the […]

The world of professional wrestling is littered with gimmick matches—some of them are amazingly awesome, and others are terribly tragic. Then there are those that lie somewhere in the middle, on an almost Limbo-like plain, where they remain completely dependent on the wrestlers in the match. Casket Matches, TLC's, Royal Rumbles—all enjoyable contests when the right participants are involved. The Hell in a Cell is one example of a gimmick that works with Shawn Michaels, the Undertaker, Triple H—but not so much with Ryback, Vince McMahon, or the Big Show. In 2004, Jeff Jarrett introduced a concept to Total Nonstop Action that would turn the standard ladder match on its head—quite literally. It was called the "King of the Mountain," which just so happened to be Jeff's self-bestowed moniker as champion and promotor of TNA Wrestling.

The King of the Mountain features a total of five individuals, all vying for a championship—or chance for a championship. The title belt or token object is readily available at ringside; the first man to climb the ladder and hang the object in question is the "King of the Mountain," and wins the match. But there's more to it than that. In order to qualify to climb the ladder, each wrestler must secure a fall over one of his opponents. This is most commonly accomplished via pinfall, but a submission works just the same. Once "Wrestler A" pins "Wrestler B," Wrestler A is allowed to climb the ladder, while Wrestler B must spend a predetermined amount of time in the penalty box. The box can fill up pretty quickly, too. On more than one occasion, the penalty box has been nearly as dangerous—if not more so—than the six-sided ring.

There have been EIGHT King of the Mountain Matches since the debut of the original concept in 2004, and tonight's Slammiversary XIII will be the ninth. In fact, with the exception of just two �Mountain Matches, each one of this eclectic contests have been featured at TNA Slammiversary. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, and I'm here to take you through a brief rundown of King of the Mountain Matches. Enjoy videos of each and every King of the Mountain Match, courtesy of YouTube, DailyMotion, and the fine people at TNA Wrestling.

Note: Some videos are the first part of two or three, but the subsequent videos are readily available on each individual page.

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If Jeff Jarrett wins tonight's King of the Mountain match, he will break his tie with Kurt Angle and hold the official record for most victories atop the TNA ladder. Will TNA allow an outside entity capture an inaugural championship in their company? TNA Slammiversary XIII is only three hours away, so we will know in just a few hours. Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook , and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/educated-guess-tna-slammiversary-2015/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/educated-guess-tna-slammiversary-2015/#comments Sun, 28 Jun 2015 15:44:41 +0000 Mark Adam Haggerty Blogs Bobby Lashley Bram Ethan Carter III James Storm Jeff Jarrett Jessie Godderz Karen Jarrett Kurt Angle Magnus Matt Hardy Matt Morgan Mr. Anderson Robbie E. Slammiversary Sonjay Dutt TNA TNA Impact Tyrus wrestling http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12644 Don't click the back button or check your calendar for any irregularities. You read that right—tonight is a LIVE TNA Pay-Per-View. Tonight's show will be broadcast from the now-iconic Impact Zone in Orlando, Florida. I say iconic because—well, I guess regardless of how anybody might feel about the current TNA product, they're a thirteen year […]

Don't click the back button or check your calendar for any irregularities. You read that right—tonight is a LIVE TNA Pay-Per-View. Tonight's show will be broadcast from the now-iconic Impact Zone in Orlando, Florida. I say iconic because—well, I guess regardless of how anybody might feel about the current TNA product, they're a thirteen year old company. And for nearly a decade, the Universal Studios soundstage has been their home. I'm very much looking forward to tonight's show, but I wonder if I'd feel the same way had Jeff Jarrett not appeared on Impact this past Wednesday? That was a hell of a "go home" show, but now the pressure is on to deliver when the price tag is at it's highest. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty and I don't make predictions, I make EDUCATED GUESSES based on the current state of the wrestling industry. Who's walking tall and who's leaving with their head hung in defeat? Let's check out the card and figure it out together.

Jessie Godderz vs. Robbie E
What will happen when the "Bromans Collide?" Well—they aren't the Mega Powers, so calm the fuck down. That being said, the Bromans have been a rather tightly knit threesome for the better part of the last two years. All that came to an end however when the most vascular member of this "Guild of Guidos" decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH—and it's time for a change. Jessie Godderz is a beast of a man when it comes to raw power and the sort of physique that "2005 Vince McMahon" would kill to sign. He's the kind of individual that would have been featured in Smackdown versus Raw 2006 if he came around a little earlier. You know what I'm talking about—Mark Jindrak? Really? Over the past few weeks, Jessie has made life a living hell for DJ Zema Ion—a phenomenal junior heavyweight performer that never has a chance when he's blindsided from behind by a man nearly twice his size. Robbie E took matters into his own hands, coming to the aid of Zema, and letting Jessie know that if he wants a fight, it had better be with someone his size. I think this will more likely than not be our opening contest, but that doesn't mean it's a skippable bout. When all is said and done, my money is on my fellow New Jersey native Robbie E to shut Jessie up and bring balance to the Jersey Shore. Woo Woo Woo! You know it!
Educated Guess: Robbie E

3-on-2 Handicap Match
The Dollhouse vs. Awesome Kong and Brooke
People have been raving about the TNA Knockouts division for the past decade, and with good reason! While TNA is most certainly interested in the same "Eye Candy" as the WWE, it didn't take them nearly as long to realize that most fans want to see women wrestling and not stripping. Most fans—MOST FANS. When you see someone like Awesome Kong or Jessica Havok or even Gail Kim, your first thought isn't: "I wonder how she'd look in a Bra and Panties Match," rather it's "I wonder if this chick can GO?" The Knockouts Title will not be on the line tonight, as most championship matches—sans the inaugural King of the Mountain title—were scrapped due to the erratic taping schedule. Instead we'll get a fun handicap match wherein the Knockouts Champion Taryn Terrell will lead her "Dollhouse" into battle against the brazen abilities of Brooke and the unequalled power of Awesome Kong. Being that I don't make predictions, rather educated guesses, I've got to go with Awesome Kong and Brooke. The Dollhouse has been dominant, aside from a few instances involving outside interference. This week's episode of Impact featured a backstage segment with Taryn talking to Jade and Marti Bell about their past indiscretions, and warning them about what will happen should they fail her again. I think Slammiversary will be similar to Wrestlemania, in that the majority of babyfaces will finally get their comeuppance against their villainous adversaries. This is also the last TNA ppv on the books for the foreseeable future, and could potentially be their last pay per view EVER. With that in mind, I think it would be foolish to have someone beat Awesome Kong. And Brooke, I guess.
Educated Guess: Awesome Kong and Brooke

Non-Sanctioned Match
Magnus vs. James Storm
Okay I suppose I can't ignore this match anymore, can I? For the past three week's I've outright REFUSED to talk about this program during my reviews, and I think my decision was more than warranted. TNA has been getting a ton of grief as of late, particularly regarding their business practices, but also in relation to the creative direction of the company. When Billy Corgan was hired by Dixie Carter, he said that he wanted to start producing more realistic storylines, rooted in today's society. He mentioned gay and transgender issues—okay, I can dig it. He mentioned national politics—yeah, that sounds cool. Make EC3 a Donald Trump supporter. I love it! What he did not mention however, was his desire to murder people on camera. And I have to assume that was a Corgan idea. A few weeks ago, James Storm pushed Mickey James off of a train platform and down onto the tracks. It was later revealed that she was okay—obviously. But what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? This whole storyline makes me sick, and it seems like everything that is wrong with TNA rolled up into one program. It's too personal without any professional stakes on the line; why are they wrestling instead of having a street fight on their own time? If James Storm tried to murder Magnus's wife, and is all-but stalking his infant son, I can't imagine why Magnus would say: "Oh, let's do it in the ring." If the stipulation was that the loser leaves TNA, then I could see the need for a six-sided ring. If the match was for a title, then yes—the IMPACT ZONE would be a prime location. But this is a personal fight about some [Kayfabe] serious shit. I don't get it, and I don't care. This will be the match in which I walk around the block smoking a joint.
Educated Guess: Magnus

Winner Picks the Next Stipulation in the Best of 5 Series
Austin Aries (w/ Bobby Roode) vs. Davey Richards (w/ Eddie Edwards)
I wholeheartedly believe that Austin Aries versus Davey Richards will be the match of the night. I can't be alone on that, right? These are two former Ring of Honor world champions that have more than proved their worth in tag team competition, both in TNA and elsewhere. Aries and his longtime friend Bobby Roode have been embedded in the midst of a heated Best of Five with the American Wolves, to decide who the Undisputed Tag Team Champions truly are. "The Dirty Heels" managed to tie things up at 2-2 this past Wednesday night after a Full Metal Mayhem match, and the winner of tonight's singles contest will be allowed to pick the next stipulation in the series. Should the next tag match end in a draw, this competition will continue—but the chances of that happening are slim. That means the winner of this singles match tonight will be at a great advantage when he chooses what could be the final match in the Best of Five Series. I'm going to go with Austin Aries, for a few reasons; the Dirty Heels live the gimmick, and although they're beloved by the fans, they're most definitely the villains in this situation. The Dirty Heels won the last match, and if Aries wins this match, it would seem that hope is all but lost for the babyface �Wolves. That is how the magic is made people! Regardless of who wins, I am looking forward to this match more than any other on the card.
Educated Guess: Austin Aries

Bram vs. Matt Morgan
Here's my attitude toward Bram: He is a decent hand inside the ring, and has an intense grasp on what it takes to be a "Sports Entertainer." I mean, he is the son-in-law of the 16-time World Champion "Nature Boy." My point is—I like Bram, a lot. I think he's got a ton of potential, but just like anyone else in the business, he can only go as far as Creative is willing to take him. The idea that cream will always rise to the top is a nice sentiment, but I'm not sure how realistic it is. Bram is a lot like Taz or Terry Taylor; his success will depend greatly on how he is booked, and who he works with. I'll tell you right now, I didn't give a shit about Bram versus Magnus �cause I think Magnus is pretty god damn terrible. Magnus isn't just a bad wrestler, he's boring as shit, and that directly impacts the people he's working with. Why wasn't Eric Young's title reign more memorable? Because he beat Magnus and not Kurt Angle. Not Bobby Lashley, not Bobby Roode, not Jeff Jarrett—MAGNUS! But we aren't talking about Magnus, we're talking about Bram; I've really enjoyed his "Legend Killer" gimmick in recent weeks; it's similar to Randy Orton back in 2005/2006, but specifically centers around TNA performers. He's wrestled the enormous Crimson, he's battled Big Van Vader, but tonight will be his greatest challenge. Tonight Bram will go head-to-head with former Ring Ka King World Heavyweight Champion Matt Morgan—and I think he's going to win.
Educated Guess: Bram

Tag Team Match
Ethan Carter III and Tyrus vs. Mr. Anderson and Bobby Lashley
This is a spoiler-free zone, so I can't get too in depth with what I see coming for certain people such as Ethan Carter, or even Bobby Lashley. I think this will be a fun match, despite the overall disappointment that we won't be seeing Kurt Angle defend against Ethan Carter. But that'll be next week on Destination America. Mr. Anderson and Bobby Lashley are two professional wrestlers that I dare say have found greater success in TNA than in WWE. Can anybody argue with that? Yes—Bobby Lashley basically headlined Wrestlemania and worked an extended program with the chairman of the WWE, Vince McMahon. And Mr. KENNEDY was indeed a Money in the Bank winner who feuded with the Undertaker. But neither man ever held world championship gold until they set foot in TNA. Anderson has been at odds with EC3 announced his "candidacy" for TNA Champion earlier this year, and Bobby Lashley entered the fray when he worked EC3 on behalf of Kurt Angle two weeks ago. I believe Ethan Carter and Tyrus will win the match, giving EC3 a modicum of momentum as he prepares for what will be the biggest match of his career.
Educated Guess: Ethan Carter III and Tyrus

King of the Mountain Match for the Inaugural King of the Mountain Title
Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Hardy vs. Eric Young vs. Drew Galloway vs. Bobby Roode When they announced the King of the Mountain Match, nobody was happy. Not me, not you, not Jeff Jarrett, not nobody—NOT NO HOW! Not nobody? The King of the Mountain was recently featured on my countdown of CONFUSING CONTESTS . I believe I began the segment by saying: "This match is literally worse than dog shit," referring to the fact that I found it dumber than the "Kennel from Hell." But think about the term "King of the Mountain" for a second—that's Jeff Jarrett. So when "J-E-Double F—HA HA! J-A-Double R—HA HA! E-Doublt T showed up on Impact, it made this concept damn nearly exciting! Nobody knew that the owner and founder of Global Force Wrestling would be on Impact this week, and they sure as shit didn't expect his wife to start balling her eyes out about how hard her husband works, and how she loathes TNA. I don't recommend TNA Impact a lot; I really loved the first couple of shows this year, and got a kick out of some of the overseas work they did, but other than that, it's been the same old boring Impact. But if you haven't seen the Jeff and Karen Jarrett promo, do yourself a favor and check it out on DailyMotion by clicking HERE . This is a tough match to predict—ER, I mean… make an EDUCATED GUESS for. On the one hand you have to assume Jeff didn't return just so he could lose, but how would handing a brand new title to an outsider work for the betterment of TNA and its roster? Maybe Jeff wins the title and holds onto it as an honorary championship from the company that he helped build? Maybe it's not a defendable belt, but a special honor like the King of the Ring? If it is a physical belt meant to be defended—won and lost—within the confines of TNA, then my money is on Eric Young. Bobby Roode is on the hunt for the tag titles; Drew Galloway is too new to TNA to be considered the "King of the Mountain"; and Matt Hardy sucks. So as far as I can tell, this is a battle between Eric Young and Jeff Jarrett.
Educated Guess: Jeff Jarrett

Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook , and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/total-nonstop-analysis-62415/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/total-nonstop-analysis-62415/#comments Thu, 25 Jun 2015 03:06:31 +0000 Mark Adam Haggerty Other Reviews Reviews Dirty Heels Full Metal Mayhem Impact Jeff Jarrett Kurt Angle TNA wrestling http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12625 Welcome back to Total Nonstop Analysis, the once-weekly breakdown of TNA Impact, featuring the highlights, lowlights, and a little bit of creative insight from yours truly, Mark Adam Haggerty. This week's episode was filmed just an hour or so before it went live, quite the departure from their usual taping schedule—which made for some absolutely […]

Welcome back to Total Nonstop Analysis, the once-weekly breakdown of TNA Impact, featuring the highlights, lowlights, and a little bit of creative insight from yours truly, Mark Adam Haggerty. This week's episode was filmed just an hour or so before it went live, quite the departure from their usual taping schedule—which made for some absolutely incredible surprises that I don't think anybody saw coming. Was this the best episode of Impact since TNA returned from Europe? Let's get into it and find out for ourselves!

The first face we see on this almost-live edition of TNA Impact is that of TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle, who comes to the ring holding the championship belt high above his head. Tonight Kurt Angle will face an opponent chosen by the number one contender Ethan Carter III. EC3 makes his appearance alongside his bodyguard Tyrus, happy to make the introductions. Carter says that Kurt Angle is the absolute best and that's what the TNA World title represents—but Kurt is only the best for now . Kurt takes the compliment by telling Carter to shut his damn mouth, and assures him that not only will he tap next week, but his opponent will tap tonight. Kurt Angle's opponent this evening is none other than former TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Hardy.

Sitting ringside is Josh Matthews. Is this the first time Josh has been live in the arena during a TNA show? I can only recall him inside that tiny little sound booth, but regardless, Matthews is on the scene alongside the Pope, ready to call tonight's show. The opening contest is an elimination match for the TNA X-Division Championship. The first man to arrive is the former X-Division title holder, and member of the Beat Down Clan, Low-Ki. We head into commercial and when we return, Tigre Uno is making his entrance and looking to win his first ever X-Division title. Finally is my personal favorite—the rowdy and robust Scottish Superstar, Grado. I really love Grado, and think that perhaps that point toward the heavens was in reference to another heavy-set dancing machine, Dusty Rhodes. The new X-Division title is green, and for my money, looks better than the previous installment. Low-Ki is on fire, but gets tossed to the outside so that the younger talents might take the stage. Grado heads toe-to-toe with Tigre Uno, and hits the top rope looking for a quick victory. Low-Ki takes advantage and knocks Grado was his perch; he follows up with the "Warrior's Way" double foot stomp to Grado's head, eliminating the scandalous Scott. Tigre Uno is now in singles competition with a highly decorated former champion, in Low-Ki. Low-Ki is brutal with his groundwork and strong-style offense, especially when compared to the flashy Lucha-inspired repertoire of Tigre. Low-Ki hits the top rope but Tigre counters his advance with modified "Dragonsteiner." Tigre Uno climbs the ropes on the opposite side of the ring and moonsaults onto his opponent to win his very first championship in TNA. Christy Hemme entered the ring to get a few words with the new champion. He responded in Spanish, but finished with: "This is the greatest night of my life." The fans were on their feet, cheering for the last man I expected to win this match.

Jeremy Borash is backstage and is blindsided by Bram, who issues another one of his open challenges to past TNA wrestlers. He says that he already "battered" Joseph Park and Crimson, and is looking for another "dinosaur" to wrestle either tonight or at Slammiversary. He leaves and JB receives a friendly hand on his shoulder—"It's time." It's time for another commercial, and when we return, it's time for TNA Knockouts action featuring former Beautiful best friends Angelina Love and Velvet Sky. Velvet was fired late last year during the annual "Feast or Fired" competition. If she's able to defeat Angelina tonight, she'll be reinstated as part of the TNA roster. Could Angelina Love be the most plastic looking female in professional wrestling? I think so. Velvet's new attitude is gross; Biker chicks aren't hot and if you think they are then you're a fat fucking loser. Velvet takes Angelina off of her feet almost immediately and this match is underway. Velvet introduces Angelina to every corner of the six sided ring before taking the fight to the floor. She continues to dominate the match, tossing Angelina into the ring apron, as well as the steel post. Angelina fights back, but gets sent spiraling into the steel steps before she could mount any sort of considerable offense. Angelina makes it back into the ring and uses the high ground to her advantage, baseball sliding into Velvet, still on the outside. Angelina was now in complete control and looking to send her former tag team partner packing once and for all. The tide turns however, when Velvet manages to hit Angelina with a "Stone Cold Stunner," allowing her the three second opportunity necessary to win her job back. Your winner is Velvet Sky.

The Dirty Heels are backstage cutting a promo on their opponents tonight, the American Wolves. They'll compete inside Full Metal Mayhem—TNA's answer to the TLC match. This is the next match in their overall best-of series to crown a new set of tag team champions. I enjoy the Dirty Heels, but I think that's a stupid name. I like their shirts though—still, a stupid name. Another commercial for more grilling shows and RV rental services, and we're back inside the Impact Zone and ready for the �Wolves vs. the Dirty Heels. Before the �Wolves can make their entrance, the �Heels remove all of the hardware from within the ring. The bell rings and this match is underway. So much action in here, that it's damn near impossible to call it move-by-move. The Pope says that this is "the greatest best-of-five series in the history of wrestling." The �Wolves take the early advantage and it doesn't take long for all four men to break out the weaponry. They come to blows with all matters of steel; chairs, ladders, stairs, and barricades are the tools of the trade in this most dangerous match. The �Wolves go for a double-dive to the outside, but catch a ladder in their face for the effort. A quick commercial break and this match is back with the Dirty Heels in control. They maintain the edge throughout the rest of the match, until Davey Richards counters Bobby Roode with a kick, and Eddie Edwards hip tosses Austin Aries into the ladder. The �Wolves begin to tear into their opponents with trash can lids and follow up with a successful series of double dives to the �Heels. Bobby Roode puts Eddie Edwards up for a powerbomb, and Austin Aries hits Edwards with a drop kick, sending him through the table. This match inevitably goes to the Dirty Heels. I say "inevitably" because this is a best of five series, and the �Wolves are already up to two—three would win. The �Wolves prepare for a big spot on Aries, but Bobby Roode interrupts and saves his partner. Aries rolls Eddie up and the �Heels secure a victory, tying the competition at two a piece.

Matt Hardy is backstage talking about his upcoming match with Kurt Angle. He says that he wants to prove to everybody how good he is, and looks forward to defeating the TNA World Champion. He goes on to say that he doesn't like Ethan Carter and thinks that he's an absolute piece of—that's when Carter showed up. He told Matt Hardy that if he wants a chance against the champion, then he'd better be prepared to "kiss the ring," because EC3 will be champion by the end of nextweek. Hardy says that he's already established his legacy, but questions what EC3's will be if he taps out to Kurt Angle?

Back inside the Impact Zone, the crowd is going wild, and all the Pope can say is: "What? Wait—wait—wait what?" Josh Matthews does the old: "What's going on here," gimmick, and the cameras finally reveal Jeff Jarrett and his wife Karen making their way from the crowd to the ring. Jeff is wearing a Global Force Wrestling t-shirt—tucked into his jeans. Jeff tells the fans that he received a text from TNA management, asking for a conference call. He ignored the message and boarded an airplane, and got to thinking about what exactly TNA was looking to do. He finally called them back and was asked to come back to TNA—for the King of the Mountain Match at Slammiversary. Jeff talks about his love for TNA and the history of the company, and is overcome with emotion as he hands the microphone to his wife Karen. She says that she wasn't initially sold on the brief return to TNA, but supports her husband in everything he does in life. Karen cuts an emotional promo about how she spoke with former TNA talent and current GFW member Sonjay Dutt. She says that she cried to him, about not understanding Jeff's desire to return to TNA. Sonjay replied: "You may never understand this, but he didn't go out the way he wanted to go out. No matter how bright our future is, or how good things are, Jeff didn't leave here the way he wanted. He got fired on a backstage pre-tape by Sting." Karen goes on to give Jeff her blessing; Jeff grabs the microphone and quotes a private conversation he had with Toby Keith: "You might not be as good as you once were, but once you're as good as you ever were!" Jeff vacates the ring to his TNA theme song, while Josh Matthews drops the old "never say never" cliché.

Bram is inside the six sided ring, ready to wrestle another past professional wrestler—this time it's VADER! According to Matthews, Vader was once part of Impact. According to Wikipedia, it wasn't for a very long time. But whatever. This match is pretty slow, as Vader is sixty years old. Halfway through the match, Bram removes Vader's mask, which is kind of bizarre. Vader pulls up his pants for a few moments and then hits the "Vader Bomb," which seems to cause more damage to Leon White than Bram. Bram goes for his favorite ringside weapon—that wretched wrench, and gets disqualified as soon as he introduces it to the match. Vader wins by DQ, and is ultimately saved by another returning wrestler. This time it's a far more imposing figure. It's the BLUEPRINT MATT MORGAN! Morgan enters the ring and appears to feel no pain. He hits Bram with the Fall Away Slam, and celebrates inside the ring with Vader.

Up next is Eric Young versus Chris Melendez. You want to know about it? Go watch it. I'm not going to report on this horse shit. I'm so sick of the patriotic pandering from TNA, and to a greater extent, the WWE. Melendez is not a good wrestler! Zack Gowen was a good wrestler, and he had one leg! Chris Melendez is a shitty fucking wrestler and despite his heroism within the US military, I don't want to see him. Ever. Eric Young is just as boring to me, and I think having white nipples should be considered a handicap. Eric Young gets the win—thank GOD—following a punishing piledriver in the center of the ring. Moving on.

Before the main event can get underway, a brawl breaks lose in the Impact Zone. The Beat Down Clan is going to war with members of the Rising, as they fight from the backstage area into the ring where they’re met by another surprise return, the “Mexican Superman” Hernandez! Hernandez has recently appears on Lucha Underground, but it would seem he’s free to work wherever he may choose. Hernandez has joined the Beat Down Clan and single-handedly dismantles all three members of the Rising.

Our main event this evening pits two worldwide wrestling sensations against each other in singles competition. Kurt Angle was asked to pick EC3's opponent for last week's episode of Impact, and chose Bobby Lashley. This week it's EC3's turn and as we learned earlier in the night, the number one contender has chosen Matt Hardy to take on the champion. This is a relatively back-and-forth match considering the fact that one of these individuals is an Olympic Gold Medalist and the other is uh, Matt Hardy. Angle hits Hardy with everything from swinging neck breakers to his patented belly-to-back Suplexes. Hardy is no slouch however, and puts the boots to the champion in a vicious manner that only a veteran would be able to do. Hardy hits Angle with the Side Effect, but Angle catches Hardy with an “Angle Slam,” but only for a two count. Things continue to go back and forth; Kurt catches Matt in the Ankle lock in the center of the ring, but Hardy managers to work his way out. Another belly-to-back by Angle, followed by a second. Hardy hits another Side Effect but Angle won’t be beaten by the likes of “V1.” The match was over when EC3 and Tyrus interrupted the contest, but Carter would soon regret his decision as Angle locked him in his “Ankle Lock” and forced a tap from the number one contender.

Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook , and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/total-nonstop-analysis-61715/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/total-nonstop-analysis-61715/#comments Fri, 19 Jun 2015 05:00:14 +0000 Mark Adam Haggerty Reviews Austin Aries Bobby Roode Destination America Dixie Carter EC3 Eric Young Ethan Carter III Jesse Goddard Kurt Angle Magnus TNA TNA Impact wrestling http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12491 For the first time since—well I was going to say BOUND FOR GLORY, but that wasn't live. Okay—for the FIRST TIME SINCE LAST YEAR, TNA is going LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW! Next Sunday is the 13th annual Slammiversary event, so the next few weeks of programming on Destination America will most certainly center around […]

For the first time since—well I was going to say BOUND FOR GLORY, but that wasn't live. Okay—for the FIRST TIME SINCE LAST YEAR, TNA is going LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW! Next Sunday is the 13th annual Slammiversary event, so the next few weeks of programming on Destination America will most certainly center around that event and the recently announced "King of the Mountain" match. Let's get right into this week's show with my weekly TOTAL NONSTOP ANALYSIS !

This week's episode of Impact opens with a Dusty Rhodes tribute video featuring his moments from the National Wrestling Alliance and his later role as part of TNA. From the Dusty tribute, we head directly into a montage of events that lead to the upcoming encounter between Kurt Angle and Ethan Carter III. We head into the Impact Zone where Josh Matthews is once again joined by the "Pop" D'Angelo Dinero. The first face we see inside the arena is that of the "Professor" Mike Tenay. For the record—Mike Tenay doesn't deserve to be part of TNA. He should be working with Jarrett, or he should be backstage at Ring of Honor, or god forbid with the WWE, but he doesn't deserve to be on a sinking ship. He's the fucking professor damn it! He introduces EC3 and Kurt Angle for their contract signing—for a match that was SUPPOSE to happen at Slammiversary, but was moved because of poor planning and lazy booking. Mike Tenay offers the microphone to Kurt Angle but Carter takes it and tells Kurt that he's prepared for this moment. "Kurt Angle, you are the best because you've beaten the best. You've beaten Heartbreak Kids and Texas Rattlesnakes. You've beaten Cerebral Assassins and Electrifying men. You've beaten Next Big Things, Ayatollahs, Nature Boys and Superstars Who were Rated R. Kurt—you've beaten Dead Men, and Immortals, and Guys You Can't Even See…" Carter continued to list WWE Superstars that Kurt has bested, all leading him to say: "They've been beaten and I haven't. And Kurt Angle—you can't beat me." With but a few more words, Carter signed the contract and handed the microphone to Kurt. Angle asks Tenay how many contract signings he's been to, and tells EC3 that "the big fights were made for Kurt Angle." He tells EC3 that he's a spoiled brat, but he's talented. "The people you've beaten—Bully Ray, Anderson, Sting, and me—that was THEN, this is NOW!" Angle went on to sign the contract and Mike Tenay announced that both men would be afforded to pick their opponent's competition, gearing up for their match in two weeks. Angle introduces EC3's opponent—the former world champion Bobby Lashley.

The next performers to arrive inside the Impact Zone are the American Wolves, who waste little time in speaking to the crowd regarding their legacy as one of the best tag teams in the world. Davey says that he and Eddie have sacrificed their bodies and have defeated legendary TNA teams such as the Hardys an Team 3D. "Our hunt," Richards exclaimed, "Has us on a quest to reclaim the World Tag Team Championships. The �Wolves are currently embedded in a program with the Dirty Heels to establish the true tag team champions; Richards and Edwards demanded the fourth match in the best of five series from Roode and Aries, but Roode had other plans. "Austin Aries isn't medically cleared to compete," Roode explained, "following his world title match against Kurt Angle." The recently injured-and-then-cleared Eddie Edwards openly mocks Aries medical status and challenges Bobby Roode to a singles bout then and there. Roode accepts, and suggests that the winner will be given the chance to pick the stipulation in their next tag match. This match is off and running, and Bobby Roode starts swinging toward Eddie, connecting with a number of closed right fists before toppling outside of the six sided ring. Edwards sends Roode into the guardrail with a suicide dive. He lands a chop before bouncing Roode's face off the apron and rolling him back into the ring. Roode connects with a kick as Edwards prepares to get back inside the ring. Edwards gains a head-of-steam with an enziguri, but immediately falters following a double boot to the face by Bobby Roode in the corner. Roode methodically controls the match and laughs at the fans cheering on Eddie Edwards, truly owning the title of "Dirty Heel." Bobby Roode hits Eddie with a front-face suplex and a running clothesline for good measure. He whips Edwards into the corner, but Edwards explosively emerges, taking down Roode. What began as an respectful competition degenerates into chaos when Davey Richards and Austin Aries become involved. Aries brings a chair down to ringside, but it's no use! Eddie Edwards rolls Bobby Roode up with a textbook Schoolboy, and earns the victory for his team. The Wolves choose "Full Metal Mayhem" for Match Four—TNA's answer to a TLC match.

From heated competition to hardcore shenanigans, it's now time for Bram. And who might this beastly Brit have on his agenda this evening? Another former TNA star, like Crimson before him—Joseph Park! That's right, the "brother" of Chris "Abyss" Park. Prior to the match, Park verbally assaults Bram who responds through sheer physicality. Bram takes him down with slap to the face and continues until he leaves the ring to retrieve a weapon. He finds a folding chair and returns, where he swings wildly at Joseph Park, missing each and every time. Park battles back, but the mild mannered "lawyer" is no match for Bram's venomous assault. Bram draws a kendo stick and table from beneath the ring and assembles the table the corner. Just as Bram gets set to deliver a crushing strike, Joseph hits him with a low blow to even the odds. Joseph Park beats Bram with the kendo stick and hits him with a chokeslam but Bram counters his further assault, spearing Park through the table. Bram is your winner in a completely useless match that didn't ever need to happen.

Backstage the Knockouts Champion Taryn Terrell announces a concept called "Double or Nothing," wherein Brooke and Awesome Kong will team up against the Doll House. If they're victorious, they each get a title opportunity. But if they lose, they'll never be allowed to challenge for the title while Taryn is champion.

We return from commercial and it's time for "Double or Nothing!" Jade and Marti Bell attack Brooke on the ramp in the midst of her entrance and Kong charges down, taking out the Dollhouse in the process. Kong rolls Jade into the ring and the match officially begins. Kong squashes Jade and Marti Bell and Brooke tags into the match. Taryn jumps onto the apron to create a distraction, which Jade uses to assume control of the match. Marti Bell builds upon the advantage by using the middle rope to choke Brooke. She and Jade double team and work to isolate Brooke from Awesome Kong. When Jade misses a dropkick, Marti Bell is there to answer with a kick of her own. The Dollhouse members exchange rapid tags; Marti uses Brooke's hand to mock a tag to Kong. Jade tags back into the match and misses a springboard moonsault, which allows Brooke the chance to finally tag out to Kong! Jade tags in Marti and Kong drives her to the mat. Kong sets up for the Implant Buster, but Jade makes the save with a dropkick. Jade and Marti attempt to suplex Kong, but she counters, sending the Dollhouse overhead instead. Brooke rushes into the ring to send Jade to the outside. Kong charges toward Marti in the corner, she counters.
Marti leaps from the turnbuckle toward Kong. Awesome Kong catches her with a chokeslam! Then, Kong tags Brooke and lifts her onto her shoulders. Brooke drops an elbow and makes the pin to earn both herself and Awesome Kong a title opportunity against Taryn Terrell.

Chris Melendez has some handicapped patriotic stuff to say. I can't get behind this guy—it's not because he's handicapped, it's just the whole "Wounded Warrior" thing. You're already on a network with country western ghost hunters; Mickie James makes country music; there are multiple cowboys and southern inspired characters—does this show really need more Americana crap? Especially when its so popular with fans overseas? I know this won't be a popular opinion, I just don't like the exploitative way TNA uses Chris Melendez and I'd just as soon not see him on television. He basically called Eric Young out for his actions in previous weeks and things got a little hairy. Eric Young called himself a "god," which I thought was pretty nifty. "I am a god—you are nobody and nothing. In professional wrestling, I am at the top Chris Melendez, and you are at the bottom." These two handicapped wrestlers—Eric Young has those white nipples, gross—will head into battle next week on the "Go Home" edition of Impact prior to Slammiversary.

I love the name "Mr. Pectacular"—I think it's the coolest. Jessie Goddard has been turning heads in recent weeks and it's not hard to see why. Jesse—although built like Brakkus—has long been considered a comedy act along with Robbie E and DJ Z of the BroMans. Tonight Jessie goes one-on-one with his former "bro," DJ Zema Ion. DJ Z flies into the ring and connects with an early takedown and pop-up dropkick. He attempts a hurricanrana which is countered into a huge powerbomb by Jessie. Jessie rakes his forearm across DJ Z's face repeatedly and throws him neck-first into the turnbuckle. DJ Z takes a nasty bump and Jessie locks in a Boston Crab, causing DJ Z to tap out almost instantly. Following the bell Jessie paces the ring and asks DJ Z if he thinks the decision was a mistake. He says the only time he felt like a loser is when he was part of the BroMans, and claims to be the driving force behind the BroMan's success. He grabs DJ Z by the throat and asks, "Do you feel that Zema, huh? Do you feel what it feels like to be a loser? Breathless. Alone? A nobody like everybody in the building?"
Jessie lifts DJ Z into a press slam. Before pressing DJ Z over his head however, their former BroMan Robbie E appeared the make the save.

I refuse to cover this storyline. The Revolution is boring. Magnus is boring. Mickie James is boring AND FUCKING UGLY. And James Storm is growing tired. It's a storyline about James Storm stalking Mickie's family. I went outside for a smoke during this segment, and once I got out there I realized I quit smoking cigarettes in April of 2014. So I headed back inside and by the time I got settled, this bullshit was over. Thank god. This is the kind of absolute garbage that is going to bury TNA.

I thought this week's main event was really good. I haven't enjoyed the constant Kurt Angle action as of late, because I feel as though Kurt is most certainly past his prime—especially when it comes to a roster of wrestlers he's been working with for nearly ten years. Bobby Lashley has truly come into his own since representing the company as its world champion several months back. I think Lashley is the kind of champion this company needs; a legitimate athlete who works MMA matches and is a serious and viable threat to the rest of the roster. EC3 backs up to the ropes when Lashley moves toward him. Earl Hebner backs up "The Destroyer." Lashley backs EC3 into the corner again, but EC3 again grabs onto the ropes. When Lashley finally gets his hands on EC3, he powers him to the mat repeatedly and nails a stiff shoulder block in the corner. EC3's sent out of the ring and when Lashley pursues him, Tyrus creates a distraction. EC3 rushes in the other side of the ring to catch Lashley with a dropkick. EC3 connects with a second dropkick that sends Lashley to the arena floor. EC3 delivers a snap suplex. EC3 rolls Lashley into the ring and applies a chokehold. Lashley battles out and comes off the ropes; EC3 counters with a dropkick. Tyrus hands EC3 a chair, but Earl Hebner takes it away. EC3 and Lashley trade blows while Tyrus mounts the chair in the corner, between turnbuckle pads. Lashley builds momentum in the meantime, connecting with a running power slam. EC3 counters a spear from Lashley, but he's caught with a spinebuster! Lashley again charges toward EC3, but EC3 moves, and Lashley connects with the chair mounted in the corner. EC3 drops him with a DDT! He makes the cover, but Lashley's out a two! Lashley sends EC3 into Earl Hebner. Earl falls from the ring and Lashley connects with a spear! Without an official, Tyrus drops an elbow onto Lashley to break up the count. He pulls EC3 over Lashley and Brian Hebner emerges from the back! Lashley kicks out a two! Tyrus attacks Brian Hebner, and then he powers Lashley to the mat again. Another official rushes into the ring to make the count – and again, Lashley's out a two! Tyrus takes out the third referee. Then he turns into a spear from Lashley! The distraction allows EC3 a chance to connect with a chair shot and the One Percenter! Earl Hebner is just back in the ring to make the count and EC3 remains undefeated!

Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook , and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/total-nonstop-analysis-61015/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/total-nonstop-analysis-61015/#comments Fri, 12 Jun 2015 01:29:15 +0000 Mark Adam Haggerty Reviews Austin Aries Awesome Kong Grado Kurt Angle Rockstar Spud Taryn Terrell TNA TNA Impact TNA Wrestling wrestling WWE http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=12334 It's been two weeks since I've been afforded any time to write my Total Nonstop Analysis column. This was much easier to get done when Impact was a Friday Night show. Now I have to write reviews for four shows in one evening, and that's not including Smackdown when I watch the Canadian version a […]

It's been two weeks since I've been afforded any time to write my Total Nonstop Analysis column. This was much easier to get done when Impact was a Friday Night show. Now I have to write reviews for four shows in one evening, and that's not including Smackdown when I watch the Canadian version a day early. So yeah, Wednesday's are pretty damn busy! But that's no excuse. I'm back and ready to attack—my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and if you're looking for a fair and balanced look at the world outside of World Entertainment Television, then you've come to the right place!

This week's episode of TNA Impact is the annual "Destination X" extravaganza, and begins with a video highlighting the X-Division. Backstage—or in Nashville, whatever—is Josh Matthews, who is joined by the "Pope" D'Angelo Dinero, once known as Elijah Burke. Tonight will feature several championship matches, including multiple opportunities at Kurt Angle's world title. Christy Hemme introduces the opening contest as one such world championship match, but Ethan Carter enters the arena, rather than either participant. Carter is angry, because he is the official number one contender is not featured in either world title match tonight. He demands a steel chair from ringside, and "cancels Destination X," with what he refers to as "an old fashioned sit-in." Carter dares anybody to come try and break up his strike, and he is met by the world champion Kurt Angle. Kurt tells Ethan to "shut his damn mouth," and calls Carter a "whiny bitch complaining about nothing." Both men escalate the intensity to the point where EC3 is forced to retreat. It's cool, how Angle bullied the rightful number one contender out of the match. That's awesome. Instead of Carter versus Angle, a match that I for one would LOVE to see, we get ROCKSTAR SPUD versus Angle. A match I couldn't care less about. Spud traded his newly-won X-Division championship for a title opportunity in what Austin Aries introduced as "Option C." Spud makes his way to ringside and completely bypasses Carter—he means business, and stares straight ahead toward Kurt Angle. If I can be honest—I would love to see Rockstar Spud win the world title, and go on to enjoy a lengthy underdog reign ala Rey Mysterio or Shawn Michaels. But against Kurt Angle? I just don't see it happening.

Jeremy Borash makes the introductions, which is really weird, considering Christy Hemme was just inside the ring trying to do the same thing. Carter forced Christy to leave, so why didn't she return when Carter left? Why did JB do the announcement? That's a plot hole, TNA. Spud relies heavily on his speed and aerial offensive against the 1996 Olympic Gold Medalist. For those of you keeping score at home, the 1996 Summer Olympics were 19 years ago. Rockstar Spud was thirteen years old when Kurt Angle " "broke his friggin neck!" Moving on—Rockstar Spud is incredibly impressive throughout the course of this match. Anybody who knows what Spud is capable of, knows that he is a bona fied contender for the TNA World title, but I'm not sure anyone would have expected him to give Kurt Angle such a run for his money. I make fun of the "Wrestling Machine" for his age and outdated Bob Backlund presentation, but facts are facts: there aren't many wrestlers on this earth who can stand toe-to-toe with Kurt Angle. And I'm not talking about Kurt in his prime, because he's always in his prime. Even when he was 60 pounds lighter and dead-eyed from drugs and divorce, he was among the best in the world. So anything I have to say about Kurt Angle comes from a place of respect and admiration. That being said—god this fucking match sucks. Just a lot of running and diving. Nobody is running the ropes, nobody is using the ring. They're just doing moves and chasing one another. When all was said and done, Kurt Angle achieved victory following an iron-clad ankle lock, which forced the scrappy Spud to submit. Kurt Angle will keep his title belt for the time being, but whether he takes the strap back to Pittsburgh remains to be seen. Kurt will battle Austin Aries for the same championship later tonight.

Taryn Terrell arrives alongside the rest of the Dollhouse, and challenges Awesome Kong to a "Lingerie Pillow Fight." She tells Kong that if she wants a shot at the championship, then she'll need to fight her wearing a skimpy pink nighty, otherwise there's no deal. There's a quick vignette for the upcoming X-Division Championship matches featuring every high flyer left in the company—and Grado. And if you're wondering if I'm being mean, I'm not! That's how they sold Grado to us: "And Grado." Does it seem to anybody else like the X-Division title is ALWAYS vacant? All of the participants were square off in triple threat competition—the winner of those matches will then go on to compete for the X-Division title. This first match includes the Beat Down Clan's Low Ki, the Revolution's Manik, and the Menagerie's Crazzy Steve. Well—not really the Menagerie, because Crazzy Steve is the only one left. And is it Crazzy or Crazy? I know it's SPELT with two Z's regardless, but is it Crazzy like Hazy or Crazzy like Jazzy. Jazzy Steve would be cooler, I think. Low Ki is without question the favorite to win this match, as he has had the most success, not only within the X-Division, but in professional wrestling. He's the only man in the ring to have worked for TNA, WWE and Ring of Honor—where he was the first ROH World Champion. Kenny King presents an interesting dynamic in terms of Low Ki's inclusion in the competition. Both men are members of the BDC, so one must wonder if they'll make it to the finals together. And if so, will it prove beneficial to their success, or a detriment to their championship aspirations? Low Ki does in fact pick up the victory following the "Warriors Way" double foot stomp to the chest of Manik.

Grado is a very endearing character, and it's quite apropos that he became involved with the TNA main product on June 10 ^th of all days, just hours before the sad passing of "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes. Grado is a walking, talking inadvertent homage to Dusty and his brand of Sports Entertainment. Like Dusty, Grado is just a common man—with a few extra pounds, and the love of his family and friends. I think the �Dream would really like Grado, and I hope they had the chance to meet when Grado was visiting the Performance Center several weeks back. In addition to the �Dream, Grado also reminds me of British comedy star Matt Lucas, who audiences might recognize from "Little Britain," "Come Fly with Me," and that dreadful Comedy Central series "Crod Mandoon." Like Lucas, Grado has a penchant for physical comedy and tells captivating stories just by using the expressions plastered across his face. I'm not use to putting over any aspect of TNA this much, I hope the next segment is stupid and pointless and gives me a reason to bitch.

Last week James Storm pushed Mickie James in front of a train. What? Moving on.

Up next is the second of three X-Division triple threat matches. We don't get any entrances, and once we return from commercial, this match is well underway. This is most certainly the C-String of the three matches, and features DJ Zema Ion versus Tigre Uno versus Mandrews. All three men are incredibly capable inside the ring, especially DJ Z, but I don't for one moment believe that any of these combatants will become X-Division Champion. The referee for this match is TNA Senior Official Earl Hebner. I wonder how old school referees like "Baby Earl" keep up with the fast pace of X-Division matches and the like? Now that Tommy Young is retired, it seems that Earl Hebner is the senior most referee—in the industry? This match continues as DJ Z encounters the most long term success, and even receives the added support from the audience. He hits a plancha on his opponents and falls back into a sea of wrestling fans who are happy to slap him five and yell: "Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-burn!" Tigre Uno comes out of nowhere and sidelines DJ Z. He flies from the top rope, contorting himself in midair, and landed on Mandrews face with a big knee. Tigre Uno will go on to the finals alongside Low Ki, where they will wrestle—uh, that remains to be seen! Once the bell rang, Jesse Goddard made a surprise appearance and looked very impressive. The Bromans broke up just a few weeks back and Goddard dismantled his former partner Robbie E. Tonight Jesse set to dominate his former "hype man" DJ Z. He powerbombed Z, and Gorilla Press Slammed him outside of the ring. Very awesome display by a professional wrestler that I have perhaps overlooked for a long time. I'm very interested to see what comes out of Jesse Goddard in the next few weeks.

Taryn Terrell made the challenge and Awesome Kong is ready to accept! This is a "Lingerie Pillow Fight," with a bed in the ring, covered in blue and red pillows. After several seconds of anticipated delay, the music hit and Awesome Kong appeared, NOT wearing the "regulation lingerie." Terrell was angered at Kong's decision to "ruin play time," as she put it, and ordered Marti Bell and Jade to deal with the former Knockouts Champion. Kong dragged them out of the ring and wasted little time in knocking their skulls together, and fought them to the backstage area. Taryn demanded that Christy Hemme declare her the champion, but Christy refused. Brooke made her presence known and told Taryn that "having a �Lingerie Pillow Fight' for the TNA Knockouts Championship is a new low—even for her." The two Knockouts—and former ECW Diva's—exchanged bitter words, before Brooke finally set her sights on the champion. She hammered away and punished Taryn with a barrage of closed-fists, and ultimately stole her robe, exposing Taryn's lingerie.

We've arrived at the halfway point of the program—which is awesome for those of us who are typing along with the action. Bobby Roode and Austin Aries are talking backstage about Aries' championship opportunity, and Roode tells him that if he wins, he gets the first opportunity. Damn Bobby Roode is fucking obsessed with the god damn title, am I wrong? I understand that it should be every athlete's prerogative to become world champion, but there's got to be more in terms of character motivation. At least creatively, no? Maybe I'm overthinking it.

We're onto the third of three X-Division Triple threat matches, where either Kenny King or Grado will go on to face Low Ki and Tigre Uno for the X-Division championship. Either Kenny King or Grado? Yeah—Cruz isn't fucking winning. Lo siento Cubanos. Grado is the best, I'm telling you. He's a fat dude with tattoos, a fitted affixed with his name, and a goddamn fanny pack! A FANNY PACK! You had me at "fanny." This is the B-level match, coming in just under the initial bout featuring Low Ki. Kenny King is in control for a considerable portion of the match, putting the boots to both Grado and Cruz, and showing why the Beat Down Clan is as dangerous as they claim to be. Cruz is oftentimes the odd man out in this equation, but that's not to say he wasn't impressive enough in his efforts against two established performers. Cruz's mask looks like the Willow Mask. Is Cruz Willow? Like the sentient embodiment of the Willow character? I'm too high for this. Grado and Kenny King exchange shots, competing for the final spot in the X-Division finals, but it is the Scottish Playboy that earns the 1-2-3! Grado hits Cruz with a spellbinding rolling thunder and pins him square in the center of the ring. I love Grado. And I love his music.

"There's a lot of talk about how the X-Division made history. The fact that it helped TNA." After stealing a camera and making "Blair Witch" style threats backstage, Bram is now inside the six sided ring, addressing the fans in Orlando. "Slammiversary is a celebration of the history of TNA. Well you know what? I absolutely history. And also, I bloody hate the past. Which is exactly why I am calling out any past TNA star. So how about you walk your ass out here, get in this ring an fight me! The past, the present, and the bloody future will be rewritten by ME! So, who's got the balls?" I have to say, now that Bram isn't stalking Magnus, he's far more entertaining. His opponent is going to be—Crimson? Some dude named Tom follows me on Twitter and said: "I can't believe the fans didn't react to Crimson." I told Tom: "I can't believe you expected the fans to react to Crimson." For those that might not recall, Crimson is a seven-foot tall red haired Matt Morgan character with tattoos. His gimmick is the color red. You know, like the Undertaker before he was the Undertaker. In fact, I reckon Crimson is actually an Alternate-Earth Mark Calaway that never actually became the Undertaker. That's an interesting theory that I think I'll explore in greater detail in the near future. So uh—yeah, Bram is wrestling Crimson, because I guess if you're going to do the returning "star" gimmick, you've got to start somewhere. Crimson looked decent enough, starting things off with a fury of fists and a beautiful suplex, but it was only a matter of time before Bram earned the advantage. What the fuck was that guy on Twitter talking about? The fans are chanting for Crimson! Fuck you Tom! �Cause you know I'm not going to go back and delete that previous section. That would imply I plan to proofread this. Ha! Crimson locked Bram in the "Rings of Saturn," and nearly won the match, but Bram managed to make it to the ropes, forcing the break. Bram picked up the win over a returning Crimson with his "Brighter Side of Suffering" signature DDT.

We're on to the main event for the evening—the second of two world title matches, this time pitting the title holder Kurt Angle against "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" Austin Aries. Should it not be the "Greatest Man WHO Ever Lived?" That's—that's really troublesome to me. Not the fact that it's wrong, the fact that I don't know if it's wrong. I'm gonna hit up the old "Elements of Style" by Strunk and White when I'm done and I'll find out. I'll let you guys know. Brian Hebner looks like a dirty cop. You know? Like he's constantly on the take, or something? The kind of guy that keeps a secret family across the city somewhere, like in Training Day? He just looks like a creep. He looks like he lives in Florida, and that is not a good look. This match is far more enjoyable than I expected it to be, and outdid the previous match by leaps and bounds. Austin Aries is a very precise wrestler, just the same as Kurt Angle, and neither man wastes time with pointless movement. Aries is far more mat-savvy than Rockstar Spud, making this an almost even encounter between the ropes. But Aries has more than just a ground game, and proves to be more than Angle expected when he starts taking it to the record-setting TNA Hall of Famer from the top rope. Angle fights back with overhead belly to back Suplexes, and double under hook take downs, proving his prowess inside the ring. Aries takes the fight to Angle and has the champion reeling in the corner, but Angle reverses Aries' advance and applies an Ankle Lock for good measure. Aries reached the ropes, but Angle came back with an Angle slam for a near-fall.

Both men are operating on fumes, praying for the other to make a mistake before it's too late. Kurt Angle goes for his signature moonsault and misses; Aries applies "Last Chancery" to Kurt Angle, who struggles for the ropes, unwilling to tap as his face turns purple. Aries couldn't believe the intensity of Kurt Angle, but once again sought to soar from the sky. He ascended the ropes, and as per usual, Angle leapt to his feet and met his opponent on the top rope. Aries boxed Angle's ears and continued to fend off his advances until finally hitting a 450 splash for the nearest of near falls. Both men went shot for shot in the center of the ring until Aries hit a devastating Brain Buster. Angle saved himself by putting his foot on the rope, causing Aries to argue with Detective Brian Hebner, Orlando Vice. Aries hooked Angle in his own submission move, hoping to achieve victory, but was reversed into an authentic Ankle Lock from the Master. Aries rolled through again, reversing Angle's attempts, and sending him to the floor. Aries followed up with a truly suicide dive to nobody but the steel barricade. Kurt Angle rolled Aries' lifeless body back into the ring where he finally defeated Aries with the Ankle Lock. After the bell, Ethan Carter appeared and attacked Kurt Angle to close the show.

I thought this was a pretty damn good episode of TNA Impact. Let's look at the competition: Lucha Underground , Ring of Honor , NXT , and even Smackdown in various international markets. So where did TNA Impact rank? I think it could have been the best show of the night. Granted, I haven't seen Smackdown yet, but it was most certainly more enjoyable than NXT, ROH or Lucha. Just my opinion, and I'd love to get yours, either in the comments below or on Twitter!

Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook , and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News!

http://www.cheap-heat.com/adam-thinks-2-who-goes-where-after-tna/ http://www.cheap-heat.com/adam-thinks-2-who-goes-where-after-tna/#comments Sun, 24 May 2015 09:09:39 +0000 AdamCSpencer Blogs Kurt Angle TNA WWE http://www.cheap-heat.com/?p=11926 Two columns in less than a week? I know. Don't get used to it. This is not going to be a common occurrence. The boss' heart couldn't take it if it were. However, when a topic gets my attention and makes me want to add in my opinion I'm not going to let any kind […]

Two columns in less than a week? I know. Don't get used to it. This is not going to be a common occurrence. The boss' heart couldn't take it if it were. However, when a topic gets my attention and makes me want to add in my opinion I'm not going to let any kind of calendar issues stand in my way. I owe it to myself and to you, my loyal four readers. Also, I get a free snow cone for every ten columns I write, so I need to crank these bad boys out. What topic caught my eye? Why it was good old TNA, for the first time in years.

You see, the big scuttlebutt is that TNA is going to be cancelled at Destination America, and will thus cease to exist. Now, there are several issues with this chain reaction up to and including whether or not the cancellation is real in the first place or just another Meltzer claim that we'll never hear about again. Like the time he predicted that CM Punk either would or would not be on Raw. Let's ignore that for a moment and pretend everything is going as planned and the wrestling fandom of the world can finally rejoice that TNA has died the death that they have predicted seventeen times a year for over a decade.

The big question left in that fantasy make believe world is what happens to the various roster members. I mean, I'm sure someone is going to buy the ring, but do we really care about that? No. So let's focus here. It is a question that every two bit hack in the community has taken a swing at, and I am nothing if not proud of both of my bits. So I will dedicate this, my second column to being every bit as facetious and reactionary as everyone else. It's in the contract, after all.

Wait. Why are the words Billy Gunn and jello wrestling written in pencil on page 3?

First, I have to admit something. I haven't kept up with TNA regularly since the Main Event Mafia days. I know I'm far from alone in this but still, I felt you should know because we've grown closer over these past one and up to this point columns. I know who the majority of the people on the roster are. I know vaguely what's going on. That's about it, though. TNA has not been appointment television since…a while. Sorry, I have no witty comparison point there. Perhaps some witty comment about the other kind of t'n'a, since I did get married in '08 and that seems like more or less the right time frame for this joke.

So, now I'm going to try to look deep into my crystal ball, which is actually most likely some sort of toy that belongs to my toddler. No matter. I will help you through these confusing waters and see if I can figure out who might go to the WWE, and who might go elsewhere. I'm also going to ignore most of the people I don't really know because it's my column and…I don't actually need another reason. You're not my real dad. Here goes.

WWE BOUND

Kurt Angle- Well, HE'S sure not going to GFW. I think we can all pretty much agree on that one right here and now. Recently, he talked about WWE and it seemed like he hit a brick wall there, too. Basically, he values Kurt Angle more than they value Kurt Angle. He's one of the more intriguing situations because despite being the biggest name, he seems to have the toughest road to go to one of the big choices. Sure, there is some possibility the WWE will bring him in as a part time guy. Unless he agrees to be there in a non-wrestling capacity though, I can't see them committing to him full time. I also can't see him going overseas. The guy has three kids and an expensive head waxing lifestyle. So that pretty much leaves one likely destination in my mind, and yes it is in America (for those who were expecting the awful pun). ROH. Possibly some other indy work if they can afford him. A couple of the bigger NWA promotions spring to mind on that front. That strikes me as the most clear cut of a set of murky choices for Angle on day one. Is a WWE contract in his future? Maybe, sorta, probably, definitely. Like Herpes in LA, eventually he and WWE will come together. Immediately, though? I doubt it.

Awesome Kong- Here's a home run. Kong is going to WWE via NXT. She makes so much sense there, with the renewed focus on the divas, as well as her incredibly unique stature for a woman's wrestler. What I mean by that is that she's basically the Big Van Vader of women. She legitimately looks like she could destroy the rest of the competition at pretty much any moment. In her personal life, she digs rainbows and butterflies and such too, which I absolutely think is…wait for it….awesome. It totally throws people off. She is a very solid worker and for a promoter, is basically money on the table if used right. Now, the other side of the argument is that she and WWE parted ways not that long ago. Well, everything I've ever seen says it was amicable, so there is virtually no obstacle I know of to stop her from returning to WWE, possibly with her name intact this time. Just imagine if you will, Awesome Kong managed by say…Paul Heyman.

Yeah, pretty much this.

I know Triple H knows it, too. So if the opportunity comes up, expect Kong to be in WWE torturing other divas and being heavily featured in every single ant-bullying campaign ppossible.

Kenny King- This is another guy that should roll right into NXT. He's gifted in the ring and he has a solid look as well. He's not a stranger in Stamford either, having competed on Tough Enough. He's gotten a lot better since then and I bet you they're fully aware of it. He is definitely one of the first people they'll bring on. It won't be long before he's making that sweet, sweet midcard money and disappointing a small subset of people who keep insisting he could be higher on the card than beating Curtis Axel and jobbing to Dolph Ziggler.

Gail Kim- Here's an interesting one. See, everyone saw the tweet the other day where she called Vince sexist. They also missed the part where she praised Hunter, though. As in, the guy who does the hiring. That said, there's also one other fact. She is one of the best female wrestlers in the world. One of the more marketable ones as well, complete with genuine semi-celebrity husband Robert Irvine. She'd be a shoo-in for any number of roles, including an almost obvious spot on Total Divas. Whatever mild embarrassment Vince might have suffered will be quickly swept under the rug. It's a big rug and there is a lot of room under there.

GFW BOUND

Mr. Anderson- He's got some bad blood in the WWE locker room, namely with Randy Orton. So I'd expect him to be among the first that Jarrett gets in contact with. He still has some gas in the tank as well as a recognizable name that will be very helpful to an organization that is lacking in relatively big time recognizable names. In a vacuum, he qualifies and Jarrett will use him to help launch his new company in the same way he used the likes of Scott Hall and Ken Shamrock back when TNA first started. Then Anderson can fade back into the hallowed halls of what might have been.

Drew Galloway and Taryn Terrell- This one seems fairly obvious. A young, talented guy that WWE missed the boat on. Actually, they missed the boat, then sank the boat after the boat got over without their help. This metaphor needs work. It's also totally accurate. Galloway is a guy who can greatly benefit from answering Jarrett's call and almost certainly will. Expect his wife as a package deal alongside and/or as the driving force behind the decision, sicne she has an even worse feeling about WWE. For those who don’t know, after she was let go she claimed that she took a story to creative, was let go, and then saw her story given to someone else.

The Beautiful People- I'm going to go ahead and include both Angelina Love and Velvet Sky together because it's the team that gives them their value. That value won't really be as high in WWE, especially with the plethora of already over women there (and the ones I added). No, these two ladies are going to make the smart choice for them, and sign on with the guy who was responsible for their success in the first place (or at least in charge when it happened). One could make a snarky comment about how WWE would also be a problem since ACTUAL beautiful women work there, but they are both a lot prettier than me, so who am I to throw stones?

PEOPLE I'M NOT SURE ABOUT

Ethan Carter III- One of the better parts of TNA for a while now, and one of the few I'm really aware of. Even my trusty squeaky ball ….err…crystal ball fails me on this one. It could really go either way. On one hand, he was in WWE for a while and they did virtually nothing with him despite having lots of chances. On the other hand, he's clearly way better than he was then at pretty much everything one is capable of being better at. That's where it gets interesting. If he holds a grudge about his time in WWE and Jarrett gets in his ear, he could find a place in GFW and probably be a centerpiece guy going forward. He is an NXT vet already so the allure wouldn't necessarily be there for him. On the other hand though, money talks and power gives interpretive dances and he could be swayed into thinking he'd get a better shot this time. It's entirely possible that WWE could go for the hard sell for a guy who has really blossomed. It's too tough for me to guess.

Magnus- Another wildcard. He's got size. He's got talent. He's got a foreign market in his back pocket. He's not even 30. Just look at the star quality.

Wait, that’s not even the right guy.

Nope, that’s not it either.

There’s our star.

He is a big time potential steal for whoever ends up with him. This is a guy who should be pursued heavily and I honestly don't know which way he'll go. That is IF the WWE actually pursues him at a high level. If they don't, he'll just sign elsewhere, whether that be GFW or someplace at home in England or even ROH. Truthfully, he's on this part of the list because I'm not sure that they WILL pursue him. Let's face history kids. He's not a guy they made, and unlike the Joes and Bryans of the world, his name isn't quite big enough to overcome that bias. New thinking COULD overcome that, but there are no guarentees. So I'm genuinely not sure what WWE will do.

Well, there we go. A completely arbitrary list written by a virtually unknown guy based on a questionable scenario brought on by unconfirmed rumors given by a man whose reliability is shaky at best. So, you know, clearly gold standard stuff. None of it may ever come to pass. A million other things could and probably will happen. On the other hand, I DID get to use the word scuttlebutt, so that's a win all on its own. So, your turn, dear few, proud readers. If this all comes to pass as we've been told, who do YOU think ends up where? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try to ask my wife if this squeaky ball toy actually belongs to my daughter or one of our cats because at this point I've given up trying to figure that out on my own.