The Highlight of the Night
The Top Moments of Raw
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
Friends! Roman Reigns! Countrymen! Lend me your ears—I come to BURY MONDAY NIGHT RAW! Not to praise it! Ladies and gentlemen my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and I'm here with you once again breaking down this most recent episode of Raw.
Before I get into my usual column, I'd like to clear one thing up: last week Gary Mastriano took the helm of the "S.S. Highlight of the Night," and insinuated that I was absent from my regular duties due to the FOUR TWENTY "holiday." I don't make any excuses for my prolific cannabis consumption, as I actually grew marijuana here in Southern California for several years. But that was not why I was unavailable. April Twentieth also happens to be my sister's birthday, and—for the first time EVER—she decided to come visit me in Long Beach. That's why I wasn't around for a week or so, and that is why I wasn't here last Monday. As if any of you really care. But for the record—I did smoke a A LOT of weed. Like, copious amounts of lab-tested chronic. We actually went to the Santa Monica Pier and rode the Ferris Wheel around and around until we were three-blunts-deep. Granted, I'm not a "BLUNT-SMOKER," but when in Rome—hey that brings me back to my initial opening! Borrowed of course from William Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar." Let's quit wasting time and kick this thing off with NUMBER FIVE, from the TOP MOMENTS OF RAW.
5. “YOU’RE WELCOME!”
There weren’t an enormity of groundbreaking precedents set on this week's episode of Monday Night Raw in Green Bay, Wisconsin. However, there were a handful of minor moments that may in fact lead to larger events. One such instance involved the Miz’s former stunt-double Damian Sandow. The formerly-self proclaimed “Intellectual Savior of the Masses” came out dressed in plain clothes; donned in a black t-shirt and jeans.
Damian took the WWE Universe on a leisurely stroll down memory lane and reminded them of the more colorful highlights from the past few years. It’s easy to forget how long Damian Sandow has been stuck down the proverbial rabbit hole of creativity, and it seems that he might finally be finding his way out. Halfway through addressing the crowd, Sandow was interrupted by the “Ax Man,” Curtis Axel—who says he “hates a man that pretends to be someone else.” With that, Axel imitated Hulk Hogan by asking Sandow “what he was going to do?” The first half of the segment was fantastic, and Sandow’s speech was already being heralded the “Damian Sandow Pipe Bomb.” I sent a number of texts with all sorts of hyperbolic nonsense such as “Best. Thing. Ever.” and “Sandow should get the ‘strap.'”
But that’s when things took a turn toward the awkward. I guess Damian Sandow’s new shtick is that he mimics people and repeats their promos word for word. While it appeared to get over in the arena, and could work as a standalone bit, I don’t see how continuing to imitate other Superstars is going to progress the Sandow character to the next level. This was entertaining nonetheless, and I’ll choose to reserve any true critique until after next week.
4. Sheamus Advances Via DQ
About three weeks ago—while hosting the “B+ Players Podcast” at Cheap-Heat.com—I said the WWE should resurrect the King of the Ring as a ‘Network special. And lo-and-behold, we are just a few hours away from my fantasy becoming a reality. I originally thought we would see Dean Ambrose versus Bad News Barrett in the finals, but surprisingly, the “Lunatic Fringe” couldn’t make it past the first round.
It’s quite possible that Sheamus will not only make it to the finals of the King of the Ring Tournament, but walk away as a two-time King. The WWE is apparently building the “Celtic Warrior” as an unstoppable thug, and two KOTR’s could help legitimize his �reign' of terror. This was a fantastic match, as were all of the first round bouts in the King of the Ring tournament. The end was shocking; nobody would have imagined Sheamus might advance to the second round, especially if it meant earning a victory by disqualification. Dolph Ziggler interrupted the contest and cost Dean Ambrose the decision. Might Dolph Ziggler and Dean Ambrose be entering into a program of their own in the near future? I find that all the more intriguing than Sheamus wearing the KOTR crown for the second time—in a row.
It’s unclear how long the WWE Special will be tonight. It begins at 8 o’clock, which suggests it will go the standard two hours. However it could very well be shot in lieu of Main Event, which would make it just one hour long. With only three matches left in the tournament however, the 60-minute format seems like the more feasible option.
3. The Main Event
If it seems like the main event of Monday Night is moving farther from number one on a weekly basis, then maybe we’d better address the repetitive predictability of the final 15 minute of Raw. I’m not a “Tag Team Wrestling Hipster”—meaning good wrestling is GOOD wrestling, regardless of how many men or women are involved. Seems like tag team matches are all the rage on Raw and most certainly on Smackdown, as WWE Creative can't seem to work their way from "Point A" to "Point B" without sticking two unrelated wrestlers together. This was another tag team main event where four men who—theoretically—"don't get along," are forced to coexist. Throughout the bout we get fed the same lines per usual, such as: "If Randy Orton and Roman Reigns can't get on the same page, what hope do they have against the Authority?" And then my favorite: "Kane and Rollins can't stand each other and now they're being forced to tag together?" Uh—yeah, Kane made the fucking match.
If I pretend like I haven't been watching Raw for the past six years and ignore the overbooked championship storylines, I can almost enjoy this match for what it was. The action was intense, and the combatants were afforded a vast neighborhood of time to work within, allowing every movement the chance for purpose. But I really didn't care; there were no titles at stake and I've already seen all four of these men wrestle far better matches than I was giving this a chance to be.
Following the bell, the results from the WWE App poll were revealed—Seth Rollins will defend his WWE World Heavyweight Championship against BOTH Randy Orton and Roman Reigns at Payback on May 17th. The news was startling to the man who
WON
his belt in an impromptu triple threat, but there wasn't much time to wallow in his own sadness. Upon turning to face Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins was lifted off his feet and planted horizontally on the canvas below with an Earth-Shattering Spear. I wasn't really felling ANY of this, but it WAS the main event. And it's the world championship after all. For the record, this is the THIRD triple threat match for the WWE world title this year.
2. Bray Wyatt Finally Strikes
I admit that this might be a controversial pick for the NUMBER TWO MOMENT OF RAW, but I feel as though slow and methodical storytelling deserves to be rewarded. Since losing to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31 in Santa Clara California, Bray Wyatt has appeared in darkened, smoke-filled rooms, speaking only in riddles. It was assumed that Bray might be calling out Ryback, given his statements related to "strength" and "power," but I didn't think it was going that way at all. Ryback was squashed by Rusev this past Thursday Night on Smackdown, and hasn't been all that impressive in recent months. I thought for sure the "Eater of Worlds" had his sights set on the Royal Rumble winner, Roman Reigns, but that was not the case.
Bo Dallas has been far more visible on WWE television as of late, and tonight he incited the ire of the WWE's resident carnivore, Ryback. Ryback laid Dallas to waste, of course, but was ultimately blindsided by the self-proclaimed "New Face of Fear." Bray Wyatt appeared out of the darkness and hit the beastly brawler with "Sister Abigail." I wonder if Bo Dallas could figure into this equation somehow, and become the newest disciple of his real-life brother. I thought this was a really well-produced angle, and I applaud the creative team for holding back on reintroducing Bray until the time was right. I'm not sure what to think of this feud, but I certainly expect Bray Wyatt to come out on top, as he is now in DESPERATE need of a meaningful victory. I would like to see Bray create a "New Wyatt Family" comprised of his brother Bo—and Ryback.
1. The Man That Gravity Forgot
I'm happy to name Adrian Neville the MVP of the night, and call his match with Luke Harper the NUMBER ONE MOMENT from this week's episode of Raw. The King of the Ring tournament has been gone for five years, and the WWE decided to bring it back without more than two days for the �Universe to prepare. As previously stated, all four first round bouts were standout matches, and didn't progress the way I might have thought. But that doesn't mean I'm unhappy in the slightest. Adrian Neville debuted on the main roster less than one month ago, and is heading into the semi-finals of the King of the Ring Tournament against the last man to wear the crown—Sheamus.
This was an epic confrontation that could very well have headlined the show, and might even main event Smackdown in the coming weeks if we're lucky. Luke Harper has been an inspiration since starting with the company, and continues to put on hellacious displays of mind-boggling athleticism on a nightly basis. Do I really have to sell anyone on the man formerly known as PAC? Adrian Neville was described by JBL as being "the most decorated man in the history of NXT," citing his long run as champion and tag team title reign as examples for his claim. I love seeing the "Red Arrow" performed on a weekly basis, but feel it might soon lose its luster if Adrian doesn't figure out an alternative way to end his matches. Adrian Neville advances to the semi-finals after a hard-fought battle with Harper.
Tonight we will see the King of the Ring semi-finals and final round, where Sheamus will take on Adrian Neville, and Bad News Barrett will meet R-Truth. The winners will then battle to decide who will become the 2015 King of the Ring—the FIRST King of the Ring in FIVE YEARS. I think it's curtains for R-Truth and Sheamus, and I fully expect to see Neville versus Bad News Barrett in the finals. Otherwise, it's R-Truth versus—no, it's not, let's be real. It's not �Truth at all. Wade Barrett will win his match, and will either wrestle Sheamus or Neville. The greatest story to be told during this tournament is the tale of the "Mighty Mouse" underdog, defeating the monstrous Luke Harper, the diabolical Sheamus, and the "British Bull Hammer" himself, to become the King of the Ring.
Until next week, my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and you can follow me on Twitter via @TapeTraderz; read all of my work here and at DailyWrestlingNews.com; and listen to my various podcasts available right here at Cheap-Heat.com every week.
