Welcome back one and all to another exciting edition of Total Nonstop Analysis available exclusively at Cheap-Heat.com. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, and I’m breaking down this week’s episode of TNA Impact on Destination America. This very special “live” episode was actually filmed about two hours before the event began on television, but there were still an enormity of surprises and special guests to make this installment of Impact truly “must see TV.” The main event of the evening would be a TNA world heavyweight championship title bout wherein a returning former champion would serve as special referee. Who was that very special returning champion? Let’s find out.
I review almost every professional wrestling program available in the United States, and dare I say my weekly TNA column is among the most detailed. This week I am coming to you on a Sunday afternoon—almost 48 hours removed from the show—smack dab in the middle of two podcasts that I erroneously scheduled for the same day. So full disclaimer: If you’re looking forward to my 5000 word recaps, then this edition of Total Nonstop Analysis might come up a little short. I will be going into every aspect of the show, just without the usual assortment of direct quotes and dry wit. Not that any of you care for my sense of humor anyway, so I’ll spare you any further editorial.
The show begins with Eric Young, who demands to know who the special guest referee is going to be. He says that he’s been the number one contender to Kurt Angle’s world heavyweight title for the past five weeks, and he’s earned the right to know who the special guest is going to be. That’s when Eric got his answer, in the form of a TNA Hall of Famer—BULLY RAY! The last time mainstream American fans had the chance to see Bully on television, was at this years Royal Rumble when he entered at number three and proceeded to eliminate both R Truth and the former WWE Champion the Miz. Bully is wearing his trademark leather vest tonight, over a striped referee shirt. The audience didn’t seem to know whose music was playing, but once they got a glimpse of the record-setting tag team champion, the crowd went crazy.
The first match of the evening pits Mr. Ken Anderson against Ethan Carter III in a bout that was decided upon by the TNA fans. Ethan Carter has been “running for champion” since first announcing his bid two weeks ago on Destination America, to which Mr. Anderson has taken mild offense. The fans had the chance to vote for either a “Falls Count Anywhere” match or an arm wrestling competition. Carter of course preferring the latter, was mortified to discover his supporters voted for the former, and far more dangerous option. Mr. Anderson went after Tyrus first so as to even the odds, and proceeded to reign supreme over the kayfabe third generation Carter. Ethan was no slouch from bell to bell however, and provided his own share of unique offense both inside and out of the ring. Mr. Anderson, a former world champion himself, hit Ethan with his patented Green Bay Plunge across a pile of steel chairs, and delivered a second, square in the center of the ring. That’s when Tyrus returned; he hit Mr. Anderson with a T-Bone suplex that sent him from turnbuckle to turnbuckle. The monstrous body guard-turned-brawler followed up with an Asiatic Spike, giving Ethan Carter the 1-2-3 victory over his greatest adversary on his race to the top of TNA.
Kurt Angle and Bully Ray are chatting backstage about the main event match that Bully will be officiating. Kurt asks Bully if he is going to call the match down the middle, to which Bully responds: “Do you know who I am?” Next up is another backstage segment, this time featuring the TNA Knockouts. Gail Kim and Awesome Kong are set to get on the same page for the first time in history to take on Taryn Terrell and the Doll House. Gail asks Kong if she’s in, and receives but an ominous stare before the gargantuan Awesome Kong proceeded down the hallway.
The next portion of the show is perhaps one of the most controversial segments in TNA, since switching stations earlier this year. It didn’t involve any blood shed or overt sexuality, but a specific word that isn’t uttered all too often on wrestling TV shows, save for once by Booker T by accident, and then 10 years later by Vince McMahon on purpose. Of course I’m talking about the “N-Word.” There’s been talk that Billy Corgan wants to make TNA the “All in the Family” of professional wrestling, by incorporating real life situations involving “transgender issues” and “race relations.” As the first broadcast since Billy began working with TNA, it’s not outside the realm of possibilities that this could be the first step in that direction. Is it the right direction to go? I promised to leave my editorials at the door this week, so I’ve got nothing to say on the matter. MVP said that while people have been stealing championships in professional wrestling for years, when the BDC does it they are referred to as “thugs.” He says that the BDC takes what they want, similar to how the US government takes oil from foreign governments, and went on to assure the audience that “thug” is just another word for—well, you get it. An interesting direction to take the product without question.
The Rising shows up, as they prepare for Drew Galloway’s encounter with MVP. Galloway promises that the Rising had nothing to do with what happened to Homicide, and suggest MVP should check out his own team before he looks elsewhere. Galloway points the finger at Kenny King, but MVP is quick to defend the Beat Down Clan. I don’t understand how anyone can cheer the Rising after MVP went off on a very uncomfortable tirade about racism. This match is all Montel Vontavious Porter from the get-go, thanks to an all out gang war between members of the rising and the BDC. Galloway was walking tall towards the end of the non-sanctioned street fight, but come the opening bell was unprepared for MVP. The leader of the Beat Down Clan maintained a considerable edge throughout the entire match, with Galloway achieving little offense throughout. MVP is truly an immense talent that oftentimes goes overlooked, for whatever the reason may be. He possesses a unique combination of psychology and ring awareness which makes him a deadly force when booked in one-on-one action. The incredible one sided nature of this bout made it easy to predict an outcome; Drew Galloway got the pinfall over MVP with the “Future Shock” DDT. Following the bell however, Eric Young made a surprise appearance and attacked Drew Galloway with the steel chair. Kenny King and Low-Ki joined the fight, and MVP followed suit.
There’s a quick backstage segment featuring James Storm, looking kind of like Adam Rose, carrying a large gift covered in white and gold wrapping paper. After the commercial, the “Cowboy” is en route to the ring where he proceeds to explain what’s inside the box. He invites Mickey to the ring, and presents her with a custom black and purple guitar to celebrate Mickey’s music career. The fans in attendance seem to love the interaction between James Storm and Mickey James, which begs the question as to how many are aware of what’s going on with Mickey’s husband Nick, a.k.a. Magnus? In fact, the fans booed Magnus when he arrived in the arena, and Storm even told him not to “ruin the party.” Storm has a gift for Magnus as well; his old gladiator helmet that he wore when he first arrived in TNA. James Storm is hilarious: “It was a good gimmick, I liked it.” The fans began to chant “put it on” along with Storm, further establishing Mickey’s husband as the bad guy in this situation. That was until James Storm went one step too far. He presented a final gift for Mickey and Nick’s son Donovan, saying, “You can give it to him when he sleeps at night.” Nick shocked everyone in attendance returned the ring and smashed the custom guitar over James Storm’s skull.
MVP is backstage, asking Eric Young why he attacked the Rising on behalf of the Beat Down Clan. Eric Young is concerned about the numbers game with Bully Ray playing the part of special guest referee in his world title match. Young is hoping to rekindle his former alliance with the Beat Down Clan, and promises that his TNA world heavyweight title will be the BDC’s title when he wins it.
Next is without question the most uncomfortable segment of the night—and yes, I remember MVP saying the “N-Word.” This was worse. Worse as in bad. But I’ll bite my tongue and present the facts as they are: Gail Kim is married to celebrity chef Robert Irvine. For the first time since I can remember, TNA is acknowledging their relationship, by formulating a storyline involving both of Irvine’s daughters. Gail is at an event featuring her husband and is dismayed to see Taryn Terrell on hand, snapping photos with Gail’s step-daughters. This mind blowing altercation leads directly into their showdown tonight on Impact.
The match kicks off with Gail Kim versus Jade, with the first ever TNA Knockout Champion gaining a considerable advantage. Awesome Kong soon tags into the action, and appears to have problems working alongside Gail Kim. But their differences are soon squashed, as are their opponents. Taryn Terrell is the wildcard of her team, helping to keep her subordinate stable mates in the fight when their sloppy workmanship threatens to rip the Dollhouse apart. After a number of impressive maneuvers by both the rookie and veteran Knockouts, The Dollhouse walked away with the win. Gail Kim prepared to deliver “Eat Defeat” to Marti Bell, but was rolled up in a school girl by Taryn Terrell. This rivalry appears far from over, and the Dollhouse will undoubtedly remain in power until Taryn Terrell drops her championship.
Matt Hardy arrives in the Impact Zone, where he must relinquish the TNA tag team championship belts. Matt’s brother Jeff was involved in an unfortunate motocross accident just over two weeks ago, making the Hardy Boyz the second team in less than a month to drop the straps. Matt appears almost bitter, annoyed over the fact once again, the older brother is responsible for cleaning up the mess made by his younger sibling. This isn’t the first time a Jeff Hardy injury has hindered the Hardy’s, and V1 seems to know that. Matt vacates the ring, leaving it to Austin Aries and Bobby Roode, who claim their right to carry the tag team gold. Davey Richards—one half of the American Wolves—is next to appear, laying claim to that same right. It would seem that Davy Richards was without a partner in this handicap situation, but lo and behold Eddie Edwards arrived in the Impact Zone, ready to reengage in tag team combat. These two teams will go head to head over the course of several weeks in a “Best of Five” series to determine the new tag team champions.
We got a quick reunion between “Beautiful People” when Angelina Love came face-to-face with Velvet Sky for the first time since Velvet was released following “Feast or Fired.” It came as no shock to anyone when Velvet returned, being that her longtime boyfriend Bully Ray made his much anticipated return about an hour and a half earlier in the show. Velvet showed up dressed in a denim vest, much more befitting the Bully Rey character. After some words were had, Velvet Speared Angelina Love and started choking her with her own hair until the two women were ultimately separated.
For what seems to be the tenth time or more, Kurt Angle is headlining TNA Impact. I suppose if TNA’s intention is to be as different as the WWE as possible, then the Olympic gold-medal list is doing a fine job of being the Anti-Brock Lesnar.” The special guest referee Bully Ray was the first to be announced and was, at least to me, the most interesting part of this match. Kurt Angle has had a number of great matches with Eric Young in recent weeks, including a “Stretcher” match that far and away exceeded my own expectations. Other companies catch guff for booking the same main event every month, but TNA is booking the same main event every week! I thought that this was a fantastic show up until this point; we get a ton of BDC interference throughout and after the same back-and-forth we’ve become accustomed to, The Rising and Chris Melendez appear to fend off the Beat Down Clan. Eric Young has victory within his sites with a crippling piledriver, but Kurt Angle kicks out and hooks the evil EY in his patented Ankle Lock. Eric Young had no choice but to submit—your winner and STILL champion, Kurt Angle.
As previously stated, this show was fantastic until the final segment and subsequent match. I’m sick of the same people wrestling for the TNA world title, and the same interference from the same warring factions at the same time every week. And before anyone starts saying, “Well WWE is worse”—YOU’RE RIGHT! You’re 100% right, but WWE was the shitty wrestling company first. Since day one, TNA Wrestling has claimed to be DIFFERENT than the WWE. So different in fact, that they now open their show with monologues and close with fifty-fifty booking featuring flippant finishes. So different that they hire every developmental defect, including Camacho, with the added claim that they’re much better than they ever had the chance to do. WWE recently went on record and said they are not interested in any former TNA talent. Perhaps the best way for TNA to separate themselves from the competition, is to make the same decree and stick to their homegrown stars. They’ve been doing a fine job lately, but after an hour and forty minutes of fresh faces, I don’t want to watch 45-year old Kurt Angle. That’s like if NXT ended with a Triple H match every week. And I’ll leave you on that. Until next time this has been Mark Adam Haggerty, reminding you to keep checking out my work here at Cheap-Heat and at Daily Wrestling News; follow me on Twitter vis @TapeTraderz; and listen to new episodes of my weekly podcasts available every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday—exclusively at Cheap-Heat.com.
