Total Nonstop Analysis
TNA Lockdown 2/13/15
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
Welcome to another exciting column chronicling the carnage taking place on a weekly basis inside the six-sided ring. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, with you as always to discuss what went down on this week’s episode of TNA Impact. The events of Lockdown are still fresh in the minds of the fans, as well as the Beat Down Clan who suffered a momentous loss at the hands of Team Angle and the TNA world heavyweight champion Bobby Lashley. Impact has been running the Manhattan Center since its reboot earlier this year but this week the men and women of TNA have sold out the Hydro Arena in Glasgow, Scotland. What might we expect out of a highly volatile locker room and what is in store for the current champion as a number one contender is soon to be named? Another awesome two-hours of action courtesy of Impact Wrestling and Destination America, but don’t take my word for it. Let’s break down the good and bad in this week’s edition of “Total Nonstop Analysis.”
The show opens on MVP and the members of the Beat Down Clan exiting a chauffeured minivan outside of the arena. They stand in a circle, wearing identical black and red tracksuits, and MVP explains that they're going to forget about last week because it didn't matter. Samoa Joe chimes in by telling his comrades that "those cats" on Team Angle took out a debt that the BDC is ready to collect. The Hydro is sold out with hundreds—if not THOUSANDS of fans on their feet as Impact is ready to go live—well, as live as Impact ever is. The entrance way is much more elaborate than the past month's set of shows at the Manhattan Center, complete with an enormous video screen belonging to the arena, the size of which would rival the Titantron. Kurt Angle's music is the first to play and the first-ever TNA champion is met with a standing ovation from the Scottish fans. He tells them that the Beat Down Clan wants to control the world title belt, but as far as Kurt is concerned, the best wrestler in the world should be the man to control the TNA championship. The 13-time world heavyweight champion asks Bobby Lashley to join him inside the ring so that they can debrief after last week's battle with the BDC.
Bobby Lashley is happy to enter the six-sided ring across from Kurt, and proceeds to shake hands with the man who helped him defeat Montel Vontavious Porter at Lockdown. Lashley is proud to work alongside an athlete as renowned as Kurt Angle but warned the former champion that he didn't join his team to help him, he did it to protect his title and get his hands on "that dirty piece of trash MVP." Kurt laughs because just the same as Bobby, he too had an ulterior motive behind forming an alliance. "You think I really invited you down here so that I could thank you," Kurt asks arrogantly? "No. It is now time for Kurt Angle to be the TNA champion again.” As Angle prepared to issue his challenge, the familiar music of the BDC played and the entire group appeared on the stage. MVP argued that since Lashley was not sanctioned in last week's match, he never actually earned the pinfall, therefore the match didn't count and Team Angle didn't win. He goes on to spout the same rhetoric as weeks past, arguing that the TNA title belongs to the BDC, and asks whom of Angle or Lashley would like to have his ass kicked first. Lashley is of course in no way afraid of MVP and tells the BDC that he'll fight any two of them in a tag team match tonight with Kurt Angle as his partner. Angle accepts, and the BDC retreats to form a strategy going in to tonight's main event.
Back from the break and Bobby Roode is in the backstage area getting ready for his matchup with Austin Aries. "A-Double" turns the corner with his "Feast of Fired" briefcase and the two babyfaces set-to-square-off exchange pleasantries and words of respect. Bobby Roode mentions the history between he and Aries, specifically in the United Kingdom, where more than once they've stood side by side as team mates. "But tonight's not about being on the same side," said Roode, "Good luck." Austin stood back as Roode walked off into the Gorilla position, held his briefcase high and said, "Right back at you."
Ethan Carter III and Tyrus are also on hand to challenge the threesome of Rockstar Spud, Mark Andrews, and announcer Jeremy Borash to a 3-on-2 handicap tag match later in the night. EC3 says that patience is not a virtue which he possesses and wants to shave someone's head TONIGHT. “I get what I want and what I want," he said, "What I want? What I WANT is to shave Rockstar Spud’s head! I want to scalp him! I want to scalp him good.” Carter's plans were thwarted last week when Jeremy Borash unplugged the electric clippers as Carter prepared to "scalp" Mark Andrews, which is why EC3 wants Borash inside the ring tonight on Impact.
Austin Aries and Bobby Roode are set to go one-on-one in what will become the match of the night. Both individuals respect one another and begin their altercation on the best of terms. For most of the first half of the match, the action is akin to a see-saw with a series of string wrestling maneuvers, arm drags and innovative submissions. Both former champions attempt to utilize their signature holds as early on as two minutes into the bout, but are oftentimes thwarted by an opponent who knows the other all too well. Back and forth until the action spills onto the outside, where instead of capitalizing on an obvious advantage, Austin Aries tossed Roode back into the ring where the match would continue. An aerial offensive move gone wrong resulted in Bobby Roode dropkicking an air-bound Aries, evening the odds for the "It Factor." The contest slowed by this point, and each wrestler was afforded a moment of breathing time amidst a chain of rest holds. Roode set Aries up for his patented Roode Bomb but was countered into the corner where Roode again reversed the situation into an attempted suplex. Aries reversed Roode's offense and sent him flying into the center of the ring, capitalizing with a picture-perfect Missile Dropkick. Each competitor could feel the pace of the match quicken, as could the audience in Glasgow and around the world. Bobby Roode made one last ditch effort and locked Austin Aries into a textbook Cross-face submission hold. Within a matter of seconds, Aries tapped and Bobby Roode had his hand raised. After the bell rang Bobby acquired a microphone and told the fans inside the Hydro, "Now that is pro wrestling. And you Austin Aries, are one of the greatest professional wrestlers I've ever had the chance to share this ring with." After Aries left the ringside area, Roode once again addressed the current title situation. He spoke into the camera but was talking directly to Bobby Lashley: "You know that Roode/Lashley III never happened and I deserve a rematch." That's when Eric Young appeared out of the audience and attacked Bobby Roode, drilling him hard into the canvas with a spike piledriver, and spitting on his fallen body. Security and referees helped the "It Factor" back to the locker room, but not before EY could once again interrupt, delivering another piledriver, this time on the concrete floor.
Back from the commercial and who do we see in the ring but Al Snow! While Americans might get a kick out of this living legend appearing on our TV screens, the fans on the "other side of the pond," know Al Snow as the relentless trainer on "British Bootcamp" who belittles their national wrestling heroes on a weekly basis. He reminds me of Terry Funk back in the mid-to-late 90s when he was past his prime but certainly still capable of providing one hell of a show. He talks about working in the ring, and about how proud he is to be a trainer. "You can't do what I do," he tells the fans. "You know how I know that? Because you're sitting out there and I'm standing in here." He explains his recent run in with Scotland's own independent sensation Grado, telling us that he doesn't think the young man has what it takes to be a professional wrestler and insists that he gives it up. Al Snow tells Grado and the audience in Glasgow that he'll be happy to let him off the hook if he just quits the business, otherwise Snow is set to teach him a lesson next week on Impact. Grado comes out and I'm not sure if it's a cultural barrier I'm stuck behind, but I can't see the upside to this pudgy, blonde butterball. He's got the dumbest tattoos and wears a run-of-the-mill singlet that might as well say "Generic" across the back. Al Snow continued to berate the young independent wrestler until he had enough. “Shut your mouth," he said with an accent I could barely understand but loved nonetheless. "I don’t think you understand just where you are! You’re right here in Glasgow! And we don’t take any crap!” Snow forcefully took the mic away and said he doesn’t care what they take . “Your family’s here aren’t they?" Snow hopped through the ropes and strolled over to a fiery middle aged bird wearing a black t-shirt that said, "Am Grados Maw!" Snow gets in her face and tells her that she should be embarrassed for having a son such as Grado—and that she needs to tell him to walk away. Not another word out of his mouth and "Maw Grado" slapped Snow several times, leading him to get defensive which sent Grado spiraling into a protective rage in honor of his mother. Al Snow escaped Grado's wrath, and stumbled up to the stage screaming, “You want me? You got me! You beat me and I’ll shake your hand!” Regardless of what I might think of Grado and his mom appearance-wise , the UK fans are some of the brightest on the planet and if they believe in this guy, I'm ready to give him a chance.
Two weeks ago Bram and Magnus met in a New York City pub where they discussed the results of "Feast or Fired." Before they had their brawl in the bowels of the building, Magnus joked, "You're my partner, who else am I going to pick? Crazy Steve?" Well—this week it's Bram versus Crazy Steve! Before the match can get underway, we get a ton of exposition courtesy of Taz and Josh Matthews, inside their "safe-room" far away in TNA's world headquarters. I wouldn't usually reference this, except to say they need to be at ringside, or at least pretend they're at ringside. But this week I brought it up because as the cameras switched over to their studio, Taz was standing behind his chair instead of sitting next to Josh. It was just very strange; I'd like the cameras to switch over once and have them eating Chinese food. Or playing cards. The match between Bram and Crazy Steve is in no way meant to help elevate the "Modern-Day Doink." Instead, Bram uses this exhibition as a platform to challenge his former best friend Magnus to a fight. He starts to squash Steve early on but descends the steel steps to acquire a microphone. He beckons his fellow Brit to show his face, all the while continuing to kick Crazy Steve down into the mat. He did this for a few moments until putting the clown away with an Impaler DDT. He left the ring by once again challenging Magnus, saying, "Find me, Magnus!" What's sad is that this was most likely recorded before Bray Wyatt asked the Undertaker to find him , but the current TV schedule once again keeps TNA from getting the upper hand on progressive storytelling.
Mark Andrews and Rockstar Spud are both backstage talking Jeremy Borash into the handicap tag match with EC3 and Tyrus. "I'm not so sure I want to get beat up again," Borash says, to which Spud insists he has some sort of back up. "Back up?" "Yes back up. It's a British thing, Mark gets it."
In another corner of the locker room Kurt Angle is sitting by himself getting ready for his main match against the BDC. Gunner, who was a member of Team Angle at Lockdown, sits down with the Gold Medalist and thanks him for what he did last week. He appreciates Kurt for waking him up and believing in him even though he wasn’t at 100%. "We both want the same thing," said Gunner, "We both want the world title. But Kurt, do you think teaming with Lashley is really such a good idea?" Kurt thanked Gunner for his support, but said, “Lashley and I? We’re gonna fight one day. It’s gonna be sooner than later and I want him at his best. Because I’m going to beat him for that world title.”
It's time for the handicap tag match and Ethan Carter is on his way to the ring, flanked by his personal security guard Tyrus. Carter disrobes to reveal a protective sleeve on his left arm. Josh Matthews tells the audience at home that Carter explicitly instructed him
not
to acknowledge the sleeve during commentary. The match is incredibly one-sided and follows the same basic pattern from bell-to-bell. Tyrus demolished both Mandrews and Spud, allowing EC3 the opportunity to tag in and take advantage. Once the action got heavy, Carter would tag out and wait for Tyrus to get things under control once more. When Jeremy Borash tagged in however, Carter wasted no time in entering the match against the everyday ring announcer. Back and forth, Carter and Tyrus traded places in the match against an exhausted trio of undersized competitors. But just as hope seemed all but lost, the most unlikely candidate volunteered to take to the skies—Jeremy Borash flew from the top rope to the outside, achieving incredibly hang time as he crash landed down onto Tyrus. It was at this moment though that Carter was able capitalize on the understandable distraction, turning it into a "One Percenter" inverted DDT on Spud. Learning from his mistakes, Ethan Carter and Tyrus are now in possession of
wireless
clippers, ready to shave the lovely locks of Rockstar Spud. Carter trapped Spud in a camel clutch and slowly edged the vibrating blade closer to Spud's hair—when the lights went out! They returned and Ken Anderson stood between Carter and Tyrus, jokingly pretending to be on their team and then blindsiding them with a combination of low-blows and eye-gauges.
Gunner is speaking with a camera man about how close he was to winning the TNA world title this time last year, but predicts victory going into next week's 20-man gauntlet to decide the number one contender. He says he's not worried about the BDC, but if they get in his way he'll deal with them. Kenny King walks into camera-view with a smirk. "The BDC—everyone is saying our names," exclaimed Kenny. "You know we're like Candy Man, right? You keep saying our name and we're going to show up." With that, Gunner was under attack, the victim of a double team assault thanks to Kenny King and the X Division Champion Low-Ki. They stomped him into the cold, hard floor and walked away gloating: "Come on Gunner! No bullets soldier! No bullets!"
I really hate Madison Rayne's music, but being that I've spent more than enough time on that in previous articles, I'll instead move along to discuss why she's making her way to the ring. Madison says that she's only there to make one thing abundantly clear: "I am one title win away from being the most decorated TNA Knockout—EVER." As she spoke, a glitch in the audio equipment sent a dose of unwanted reverb across the Hydro Arena. "Okay that was kind of rude," Madison said, continuing to boast her personal value until once again being interrupted by a "musical mishap." She yelled at referee Earl Hebner, and insisted that the audio engineer do something. Once again the building was rocked with an unknown sound, this time evolving into the full score of Awesome Kong's theme music. The former TNA Knockout champion strutted with swag as she stared daggers through Madison Rayne, standing in the ring almost shaking with fear. Outside of the cage match between Havok and Kong at Lockdown, this might be the first singles match the Knockouts have had since TNA rebooted in January. I anticipated this match being far less one-sided than it was and hoped to see more rule-breaking out of Rayne. But within two minutes the bout had concluded as Kong conquered Madison Rayne with her dreaded finishing maneuver, the Implant Buster.
Backstage Austin Aries is relaxing until Kurt Angle informs him that he’s in his seat. Although Aries says he doesn’t see his name on it, he decides to get up instead of engaging in a fight over a chair. Kurt attempted to provoke Aries after his loss earlier in the evening: “I heard you tapped out to Bobby Roode.” But A-Double wasn't going to let the words of a 46-year old man get the better of him, as he quickly responded, “Yeah I tapped out to Bobby Roode, it’s called live to fight another day.” He stood up from his new seat, "And I can't do that with one arm."
The fans are again out of control for one-half of one of the most decorated teams in wrestling history; Matt Hardy is on hand to give the world an update as to the condition of his brother, Jeff. “Man it is great to be back in Scotland. I missed you guys!" Matt was clearly excited to see so many screaming fans but his demeanor soon shifted to one of sadness. "But I really wish my brother Jeff could be here to share this extraordinary evening with me.” For fans that aren't aware, Jeff's long history of substance abuse and trouble with the law has hindered his ability to travel abroad, therefore he is unable to appear before some of the most-lively wrestling crowds in the world. Matt tells the audience that no matter what Jeff has been through before, he's always managed to give a "thumbs-up" to let Matt know that he's okay. "But last week I didn't get a thumbs up. That's the first time I ever saw a broken Jeff Hardy," Matt continued, "Congratulations James Storm! You were able to do what no other wrestler on this Earth has been able to do!” As emotion ran wild inside of Matt Hardy, the familiar whistle of the "Cowboy's" music echoed across the arena, and the Revolution arrived in the Hydro. James Storm led his stable to ringside, wearing a really stylish vest featuring a woman salivating on the back. Storm then gave what was undoubtedly the promo of the evening, agreeing with Matt that he did the impossible: "I did what Edge and Christian couldn't do! I did what Team 3D couldn't do! I did what Bobby Lashley couldn't do," Storm named a handful of industry icons, "Hell, even the UNDERTAKER couldn't do what I did. I cut down Jeff Hardy!" James Storm leaned in to Matt Hardy, and gave him the option of ending this peacefully. But the "Cowboy" warned the Carolina-native that if he should engage the Revolution, they wouldn't hesitate to put him in a bed next to his brother in the hospital. It didn't take long before "Version 1.0" chose the "road less-traveled," sarcastically telling Storm that his brother has a nice hospital bed, before letting off a series of rights and lefts. Hardy's offense would be short lived however as the entire Revolution teamed up to save their leader, with Manik subduing Hardy on the canvas with a Fujiwara Arm Bar. The punishment wasn't through, but before the Revolution could take it to the next level, Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards arrived to save the day. The American Wolves—or �Wolves as they're known in TNA, showed up just in time to chase the heelish tag team champions and the rest of the Revolution away.
Just before the main event, a producer asked Austin Aries if he had a time table established for when he wanted to cash-in on his contract. Aries had no intention of sharing such private information, and instead told him it’s going to be "somewhere in between half past a monkey’s ass and a quarter to his little monkey balls." The smile soon faded and Austin Aries was done playing games relating to the TNA world title: “The only timeframe I’m concerned with is my timeframe.” Once again Kenny King appeared to distract Aries as Low Ki advanced from behind. Unlike Gunner however, Austin had no trouble in fighting the duo until the numbers increased and all four members of the Beat Down Clan kicked Aries and his briefcase out of the building.
The main event pitting Kurt Angle and Bobby Lashley against the Beat Down Clan begins as the Olympian Kurt Angle makes his way to ringside, joined by the "Destroyer" and TNA world heavyweight champion Bobby Lashley. The �Clan comes out as a group per usual, but it becomes clear that MVP and Samoa Joe will be doing the heavy lifting during tonight's contest. Both Low-Ki and Kenny King stand at ringside, once again shifting the advantage toward the BDC. MVP and Samoa Joe maintain control throughout the majority of the first part of the match as announcers speculate that Austin Aries will not be making an appearance because the Beat Down Clan "threw him out the door of the arena." I find that sort of strange as it was clearly snowing in Scotland and he's a world-famous athlete who's schedule to be in the building. I'm pretty certain if he had to get back inside he could find a way. But that's breaking Kayfabe, and that's not what I'm here to do. The BDC used the strength in their numbers to run roughshod over the champion and Kurt Angle for a long period of time, every now and then met with resistance, but not having any real trouble in managing match. Angle and Lashley rope-a-doped their opponents into a dizzying haze until the bout began to go back-and-forth with both teams earning considerable offense until all four men were inside the ring. The champion, obviously no stranger to success, saw victory in his sights and prepared to Spear Samoa Joe. He positioned himself, but stopped midway as Kurt Angle dragged Joe to the mat with the Ankle Lock submission. The divide between the two created a rift so catastrophic that MVP was able to take advantage, earning the pinfall on Lashley with a roll-up and a handful of tights. Now having suffered a loss, the two stood toe-to-toe inside the six-sided ring. Just as Kurt Angle and Bobby Lashley were about to come to blows, the screen went black and we were privy to a preview for next week.
I think Total Nonstop Action Wrestling and Impact on Friday nights is really coming into its own as a viable professional wrestling product. It still suffers from much of the same stigma established through years of questionable booking, but the men and women featured on Destination America could finally be finding their "sweet spot" in terms of industry appeal. Next week's show will also emanate from Glasgow, headlined by the 20-Man Number One Contender's Gauntlet. On a scale from one to ten—one being December to Dismember and ten being Wrestle Kingdom 9—I'd give this episode of TNA Impact a 6 for above average performances, but not nearly as much wrestling as I'd like to see on a show called "IMPACT WRESTLING." Until next time my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and this has been "Total Nonstop Analysis."
