Total Nonstop Analysis
TNA Lockdown 3/6/15
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
The first Impact of the month is here, and it's not the "Ides of March" the wrestlers of TNA need to beware, but falling into self-destructive habits. The weeks continue to go by as the most recent TNA reboot appears to be firing on all cylinders, but that's not to say that the show isn't without its major issues. Samoa Joe is the most recent big star to walk out on the company, and unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be their biggest problem at the moment. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, here with you each and every weekend to share the news and views coming off of every new episode of Impact. If you want the most in depth diagnosis of TNA imaginable, then look no further than "Total Nonstop Analysis."
The BDC is first to arrive in Manchester, for what seems to be the umpteenth week in a row. MVP is not in a good mood, no doubt stemming from the controversial way in which he failed to capture the world title last week. Kenny King cuts an impressive promo on Drew Galloway, talking about his time as the "Chosen One," and blaming him for the events of last week. The BDC is especially angry with Galloway's treatment of Low-Ki. "Low-ki wants your head," Kenny told the camera. "But me? I'll take a wing." Kenny immediately dropped the mic to the leader of the Beat Down Clan, MVP: “Drew, do you have any idea what you've done? And more importantly, who you’ve done it to? I want you to take a minute and think long and hard about what you’ve done; Al Snow, Grado, that was just fun. But the world title? The world championship—that's business! That’s serious business! That’s Beat Down Clan business!” MVP then invited Galloway to the ring so that he could explain his motivations and make things right with the BDC. Galloway appeared under a spotlight, descending the steps in the middle of the Manchester crowd. He told MVP where he was—that he was home right now! Drew claimed to be surrounded by wrestling fans, not "Sports Entertainment" fans. He told MVP that when he screws with the world title, he isn't just screwing with Bobby Lashley. He then offered the microphone to a fan at ringside who identified himself as Rob: "You’re screwing with Rob!” He then passed it to a young woman named Anna: “You’re screwing with Anna!” He continued until Kenny King grew tired of Galloway's games. "Enough talk! We ain’t here to flap off at the jib.” Kenny warns that since they’re in Drew’s “home,” they’ll have no trouble taking a drive up to his “mawr and dawr's” house and taking what they’re owed out of their “arse.” Kenny challenged Drew to a fight, a proposition that Drew accepted with open arms.
A quick commercial break later and both men are standing inside the ring dressed in street clothes. The rest of the BDC is nowhere in sight, that is until the bell rings, and they spring back into action. MVP instantaneously entered the fight but didn't cause a disqualification, as he ran off at the behest of senior official Earl Hebner. This match didn't offer much in the way of technical ability, although the former “Chosen One” is certainly capable of performing at that level. Drew and Kenny made their way around the six-sided ring, each taking their shots of one another, until Drew slammed King on the lip of the ring apron. The events teeter toward either man’s favor over the course of the next few minutes with Kenny King achieving several near falls. Kenny appears to elicit a number of different opinions from the critical community, and while he’s not the greatest worker in the world, he has an extraordinary level of charisma. Drew Galloway goes for the "Future Shock DDT" but is well-scouted by Kenny King, who hit his opponent with a springboard neck breaker from the top rope. Kenny was unable to put the match away but maintained control until Galloway successfully hooked the arms behind Kenny’s back and swept his legs, perfectly applying the "Future Shock." As soon as the bell rang, declaring Drew Galloway victorious in his debut match, the BDC sprinted toward the ring with Low-Ki leading the way. Galloway retreated into the audience as �Ki jumped onto the railing to scream after him. One very courteous young lady sitting ringside held onto Low-Ki's right leg as he wobbled to maintain his balance.
Later in the evening, Bobby Roode will go against Kurt Angle and Eric Young to decide the number one contender to Bobby Lashley's world title. But for now, the former champion is merely making his way down to ringside to address Eric Young and how nothing is going to stand in his way of taking the world heavyweight championship. On his way down to ringside, Josh Matthews refers to Roode as the "penultimate" world champion—that doesn't make any sense. This is one of a just dozen grammatical and technical errors Matthews makes on this broadcast alone, and while it's not the biggest deal in the world, calling Bobby Roode the penultimate champion insinuates that Bobby Lashley will be the final title holder. Penultimate does not refer to the last person to do something. My cat Sativa was not the "penultimate user of the litter box," just because Indica is in there now. Roode's statements in the ring are answered in short order by the highly decorated former Olympian Kurt Angle. Angle takes issue with Bobby's claim that nothing will stand in his way, and insists that he will be the one to walk out of Manchester as number one contender. Spoiler Alert: Kurt Angle is going to be the TNA world heavyweight champion in a matter of weeks, but that doesn't mean the events leading to his coronation should be so brutally boring. Don't we deserve a more thrilling ride regardless of whatever dreary destination we're heading for? As Kurt makes his way down to ringside, Bobby is blindsided by his arch enemy and former ally Eric Young. Young is unable to capitalize as both babyfaces stand tall, allowing the eccentric EY to escape through the crowd.
Bram is backstage speaking with "Cowboy" James Storm, as he prepares for his matchup against Matt Hardy. Bram tells Storm that he's his own man, but Storm responds in a far less manipulative manner than with other individuals. He scared Manik and Sanada into joining, and even allowed his own Revolution to take out their aggression on one of their own last week. But Storm speaks to Bram with respect, as if both men are equals. “I like what you did to Magnus,” Cowboy told Bram. The dastardly Englishman smiled and said, “I like what you did to Jeff.” James Storm tells Bram that he needs him to take out Matt Hardy tonight. Bram cackles and asks if Storm wants him to "end" Matt Hardy. Storm is quick to respond, "No, don't end him. Don't do anything that you might regret." Was Bram seriously asking James Storm for permission to KILL Matt Hardy? Talk about "Old School." Bram enters the arena and the red-haired ring announcer—not sure if it’s Christie Hemme or SoCal Val at this point—introduces Bram as being from “England.” Really? The company is touring the United Kingdom and TNA didn’t think to get a little bit more specific than that? Just for a bit of a contrast, his opponent Matt Hardy is clearly said to be from Cameron, North Carolina—not AMERICA. This match was hard to watch if you're attempting to hang onto any last remaining respect for Matt Hardy. I’m not a "V1"-hater by any stretch of the imagination, and truly value what he has to say in accordance with the industry at large. I think he's a powerful mind in the business, but he's intensely out of shape on this tour. Bram pulls referee Brian Hebner into the fray in an attempt to block Hardy's incoming assault. With the referee distracted, Bram capitalized with a low-blow that allowed him to set up his "Other Side of Suffering" DDT. Why do so many wrestlers in TNA use the DDT as their finishing maneuver—and why are they all from the UK? After the pinfall, Bram escaped the ring for but a moment, and returned with his favorite foreign object—the steel turnbuckle. However, before he could "end" Matt Hardy for "Cowboy" James Storm, Magnus made his surprise return and ran his former best friend out of the ring. Magnus proceeded to cut a promo on Bram, saying that he could have stayed home with a broken heart, but instead decided to return so that his son could have a father to be proud of. The crowd goes wild for their fellow countryman—as he argues with their other fellow countryman. Magnus promises Bram that vengeance will come sooner than he might think: "Your blood will stain the hallowed grounds of England!" With the tour winding down, it's safe to assume Bram and Magnus will get into something within just a few weeks.
Rockstar Spud enters the arena to a much smaller ovation than what I would have expected, especially while he's rocking his red, white, and blue "Union Jack-et" and tie. “The past few months have been some of the worst months of my life. My friends have been embarrassed, I’ve been attacked personally and physically, and the only thing that’s gotten me through this has been you guys!” The crowd begins to show a great deal of support to their fellow Englishman chanting a warm, “We love Spud!” He says that it’s time for things to come to an end and asks Ethan Carter III to join him—no Tyrus, no friends, just the two of them in the ring. Never one to want to appear foolish, EC3 answered the challenge almost immediately with his iconic theme music, arriving without Tyrus just as Spud had asked. Ethan Carter walked to the ring with his eyes fixed on Spud, wearing a very dapper, finely-tailor suit, the likes of which would make the "Nature Boy" jealous. Spud told Carter that he wants to fight him, and that this has to end. Very matter-of-factly, Carter alerted Spud that he doesn't get to challenge someone like EC3—a franchise who was specifically born and bred to carry TNA on his shoulders. He reminds the audience that he is still undefeated, and has conquered every TNA Hall of Famer that's gotten in his way. Spud finally had enough and let loose a very emphatic "SHUT UP!" They continued to argue until Carter finally agreed to the showdown, on the condition that he will be allowed to cut Spud's hair when he wins. Spud agreed to the terms and insisted that Carter puts his own luscious locks on the line as well. EC3 tried to scare Spud by telling him that good guys don't always win in wrestling. Spud came back by tugging at Carter's own heartstrings, reminding his former friend of their time together. "When I didn't believe in myself," Spud told him, "You told me I was fierce!" It seems that Ethan Carter's own creation might come back to deliver his first singles loss since signing with TNA.
The TNA Knockouts championship is on the line as Awesome Kong makes her way down the aisle to challenge Taryn Terrell for her prized title belt. Earlier in the evening, Josh Matthews made another faux pas by promoting this bout as a "no-win" situation for Taryn and insisting that we're "basically guaranteed a new champion." That's all well and good, but heavy-handed enough that wrestling fans have no trouble reading between the lines—there's no way the title is changing hands tonight. Taryn Terrell does her same old choreographed hip shake on the way to the ring, but appeared to mean business as she refused to take her eyes off of Kong. She jumped directly into action and subsequently into the arms of Awesome Kong. Taryn did her best to take the Amazonian warrior off her feet, but failed to do so in a clear example of why Kong belongs between the ropes, and why Taryn Terrell should still be General Manager of ECW. The match wasn't bad by any means, but was tiresome, as we've seen this same song and dance performed a hundred times, with a dozen different women in Taryn's place. At one point during the match, everyone in the front row was looking down at their cell phones, until Taryn came back with a head of steam. After finally removing Kong from a standing position, Taryn attempted a pinfall, but only achieved one-count before getting launched across the ring. Kong then attempted her dreaded Implant Driver to seal the deal and steal the title, but was reversed, giving the champion the chance to apply the Diamond Cutter. Taryn's attempt was thwarted, and she was sent spiraling down to the canvas, directly onto of her shoulder. Referee Earl Hebner appeared concerned that Taryn might have suffered a legitimate injury, and ordered Kong to step back so that he might take a look. Awesome Kong refused however, and continued her barrage of attacks on Taryn, choking the champion in the corner with the heel of her boot. Hebner tried to pry Kong away, but was met with a forceful shove that sent "Baby Earl" flying across the ring. The bell sounded as Kong was disqualified, but had yet to finish punishing Taryn Terrell. She dragged her by her long blonde hair out of the ring and prepared to end her career with an Implant Driver on the outside. Before Kong could follow through, her greatest nemesis appeared to save the day—Gail Kim. I don't like Gail Kim in this program whatsoever; I don't think Gail is nearly as good as she was ten years ago and would much rather see someone like Taryn Terrell fight her own battles.
The world tag team titles are on the line and the first two men to enter the arena are the champions, Abyss and "Cowboy" James Storm. The duo appeared without the usual accompaniment of the remaining Revolution members, as they prepared to defend against the American Wolves. Or just the Wolves I suppose. I really can't imagine what Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards were thinking when they got those horrendous chest tattoos. At least Davey's is healing properly—Eddie's still looks bright red and appears to be festering with some sort of infection. The rest of the Revolution made their presence well-known as the Wolves headed down to ringside. The Great Sanada and Manik lead the charge and surprised Richards and Edwards before they were ever able to enter the match. Davey Richards was thrown into a 2-on-1 situation inside the ring, but his tag team partner Eddie Edwards was quick to even the odds. The Revolution maintained the edge throughout the first portion of the bout, and for much of the remaining moments until the finale. Each time the Wolves gained any sort of momentum, they were halted in their tracks by Storm's bloodthirsty allies at ringside. The Wolves attempted a double spot from opposing ends of the ring but were stopped by the sheer numbers of the Revolution. Eddie Edwards went for a splash, but the veteran timing of James Storm allowed the "Cowboy" to spring forward and catch Edwards with a flying Code Breaker. It seemed that the Revolution was well on their way to retaining their prized tag titles; James Storm performed the "Eye of the Storm," as if to signal the end would be near. Just then, the Wolves' friend Matt Hardy emerged from the locker room and kept Manik and Sanada busy at ringside so that the Wolves could get down to business. The Wolves perform their patented multi-suicide dive spot—a total of FIVE times—both to the champions as well as the rest of the Revolution. On the fifth go-around, Eddie Edwards clearly hit Matt Hardy dead-on, which Josh Matthews tried to cover by saying, "I don't know if he was thrown in the mix by Storm or what!" With the referees back turned, Sanada entered the equation and prepared to spew his blue mist in the eyes of Eddie Edwards. Edwards ducked and Sanada hit Manik instead. Edwards was now alone in the ring with the "Monster" Abyss, who was in possession of James Storm's steel cowbell. With the referee still unaware, Abyss was stopped before he could strike by Matt Hardy and the "Twist of Fate." The Wolves ascended the ropes and finished the job with their double foot stomp. Your winners and NEW TNA world tag team champions, Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards—the American Wolves.
The main event of the evening was a strange course of mismatched action that had a hard time following the monumental tag team title change. Eric Young was the first man introduced, followed by Bobby Roode and finally joined by the "Wrestling Machine" Kurt Angle. The bout was off and running and saw each of the three competitors gain a considerable advantage over either one of his opponents. Eric Young proved to be at a disadvantage as his actions in recent months have earned him no support from either Bobby or Kurt, who teamed up on EY whenever possible. Eric evened the odds by introducing a steel chair and viciously applying its business end to his former best buddy Bobby Roode. Things continued to see-saw, but this match never truly clicked the way it needed to. Bobby Roode is an exceptional talent, but could very well be on the tail-end of a career that was highlighted by numerous tag team title reigns. Kurt Angle is still incredibly conditioned, but his inclusion in the main event goes against TNA's entire mission statement regarding forward momentum. Eric Young is perhaps the most deserving individual in this match, as his work in the ring and character development are currently unequalled on the TNA roster. I couldn't help but think I'd rather see Ethan Carter vying for this championship honor. I'd rather see Gunner—I'd rather see Austin Aries—I'd rather Magnus! Eric Young used the chair to nearly decapitate Bobby Roode, an action that went beyond Kurt Angle's peripheral vision. Unaware of what went down, Angle swooped in and managed to get the victory, much to the chagrin of Eric Young. After a few moments to clear his head, Bobby Roode shook Kurt Angle's hand and wished him luck going forward. Kurt Angle's music played throughout the arena but was soon silenced so that the theme of the "Destroyer" might be heard instead. Bobby Lashley walked down to the ring with a smile on his face. Lashley has been giving Kurt Angle a hard time in recent weeks, and it seems that Bobby was just waiting for Kurt to prove himself.
It seems like TNA is continuing to promote established stars that are perhaps past their prime, rather than recently-debuted breakout individuals. I most certainly think that Kurt Angle and Gail Kim are at the top of their professional ranks, but I don't want to see either one positioned as a main component of the program. There was quite a bit of talking tonight, despite Kenny King's initial claim that they weren't there to "flap off at the jib." TNA has been presenting a fine product over the past few months, and for some reason, tonight's show ultimately fell short. I'll be interested to see how everything plays out next week, but until then this is Mark Adam Haggerty reminding you to keep checking out Cheap-Heat and to follow me on Facebook by LIKING "Mark Haggerty's Pro Wrestling."
