Viva La Lucha Libre
Lucha Underground 1/7/15
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
Finally a Lucha Underground Champion has been crowned! Hello everybody and a happy new year to you and yours, my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and I'm back to discuss this week's episode of Lucha Underground. Tonight's show was a one-match card—literally! I'm not blowing smoke, there was one match that began mere moments after the show began and ended as the broadcast faded from the airways. I thought this was an exhilarating way to exhibit the entire roster in a rather unique concept kayfabely concocted by owner and promotor, Dario Cueto. Aztec Warfare is more than just a flashy title fitting with the already-established Mexican theme of Lucha Underground; it is an all-out war designed to narrow the field of champions so that there be no question as to who is most deserving of the coveted gold belt. The rules are simple: two competitors start the match and every 90 seconds another luchador joins the action until all 20 combatants have entered. The only way to eliminate your opponent is by pin fall or submission. So it's basically a battle royal spread across the entire Lucha Underground Temple with no rules other than: there must be a winner.
This contest opened on Aztec Dancers swinging flaming sticks and stepping in unison with one another. The pageantry was unprecedented for such a young promotion but wasn't as campy as one might expect having only read about it. Starting out of course was the wildfire Fenix who was handed the number one spot after failing to defeat Mil Muertes just a few weeks ago. Number two is the incomparable Johnny Mundo who has been but a thorn in the side of Dario Cueto since arriving in Lucha Underground. It's strange seeing Johnny mix it up with so many competitors at once as he's a fair amount larger than most of them. It's like playing with your Hasbro figures and suddenly somebody hands you an LJN. But getting under way with Fenix was a fine way to set both of these babyfaces behind the eight-ball in the early going. Out next is one of Big Ryck's most-trusted associates Mr. Cisco who is eliminated before the number four entrant can even be announced. Poor Mr. Cisco.
The match rolls along with Fenix and Mundo maintaining focus, until King Cuerno enters the fray at number four. Cuerno is one of the most intriguing wrestlers on the Lucha Roster due to the mystery which surrounds him. The Aztec Warfare match allows athletes the opportunity to take the action outside of the squared circle and that's exactly what Cuerno did. Known as "The Pursuer," Cuero is vilified as a relentless hunter, with perhaps no stronger weapon than his own "Arrow from the Depths of Hell"—a suicide dive after not one but two rotations between ropes to gain speed. Cuerno is a truly impressive talent and a wrestler whom I hope to see challenge for the title—uh should he not win this match, I mean. Listen—if you're hip to the "dirt sheets," then you probably already know who's walking out of Boyle Heights with championship gold. But that shouldn't affect your ability to properly enjoy an hour-long contest featuring twenty of the most outstanding stars from both sides of the border.
Number five is Son of Havoc, who once again is absolutely DWARFED by Johnny Mundo. Havoc looks like a medieval executioner, but the menacing nature of his character is all but lost when the audience is privy to the sheer size difference between he and Mundo. Next is the exotico wrestler from AAA Pimpenela Escarlata! I'm not sure how the whole exotico culture would fly on American television; the WWF attempted it to a degree with Goldust and TNA featured the controversial Orlando Jordan. While Darren Young is the first openly gay professional wrestler, his workrate is far removed from the kissing, poking, and prodding that Escarlata seems to away with. The number seven entry in Aztec Warfare is the highly regarded Prince Puma who quickly reengages his rivalry with Johnny Mundo. Then Lucha Underground surprised me as number eight was the former developmental Diva Ivelisse. I didn't know that the female competitors were going to be involved in this contest. I didn't mind their participation because neither Ivelisse nor Sexy Star ever appear to have any issue keeping in step with their male counterparts. However I didn't like the way in which Matt Striker snickered whenever he said something to the effect of, "Our first champion could be a woman"—which yes, is utterly hilarious. But it's inappropriate for Striker to say, especially on such a progressive program as Lucha Underground.
As more and more luchadors were eliminated including Escarlata, Ivelisse, and Son of Havoc, the number nine entrant was revealed—Drago! Drago has a longstanding disdain for King Cuerno that seems to be based purely in competition. Both wrestlers watched one another from afar as they handled their business separately, but did so as if to warn the other what they could be capable of. Number ten is Bael. All I have to say about Bael is—who the hell is Bael? I know Cisco and Castro but don't nobody know no one named BAEL! For a moment I actually thought maybe Bael was Castro, but then number eleven came out—Castro. So really now, who is this Bael dude and why was he Bronco Busting so damn much? Number twelve is Ricky Mandell who I can't even fake a sentence about. Just after Mandell entered the fight, Prince Puma delivered a wicked Standing Shooting Star Press—to BAEL! The best part of that was when Vampiro said, "I can't believe Bael was eliminated!"
By the time the thirteenth entrant was announced, it appeared as though the rest of the match would carry with it a much higher star quality than what the previous additions of Ricky Mandell and Son of Havoc provided. Unlucky thirteen was Big Ryck, the dominant heel in Lucha Underground complete with axes to grind with both Prince Puma and Johnny Mundo. By the time Ryck entered the equation his entire Crew had been eliminated, along with Castro Cortez who passed Ryck on his way back to the locker room. As soon as the former Ezekiel Jackson hit the ring, there was nowhere to run for less formidable competitors such as Mandell and even the dreaded Drago. After eliminating Mandell, King Cuerno capitalized on Ryck's wrath by pinning his rival Drago, but not without then being eliminated himself by the Shaman of Sexy Johnny Mundo. Is he still the Shaman of Sexy? The Wednesday Night Delight, maybe. Does he still live in the Palace of Wisdom?
Next up we got one of my favorite members of the Lucha Underground roster, Pentagon Jr. Pentagon is a highly skilled Mexican athlete with extensive training in eastern warfare including all types of martial arts and swordsmanship. His affiliation with Chavo Guerrero notwithstanding, Pentagon is a decidedly educated professional wrestler who is unfortunately overshadowed on American TV by the more familiar sports entertainers. Number fifteen is Super Fly, whom I have no opinion on. I don't like that his name is Super Fly even though he appears to be just that—a SUPER FLY, which I guess is kind of cool. The numbers grow closer to twenty and as fans are aware of whom occupies the final spot, tension rises in this proverbial game of "musical chairs." I myself started listing wrestlers I hadn't seen yet and came up with a good dozen or so names left out of this match. I was hoping that we'd see Chavo Guerrero, and I was in luck when number sixteen was introduced.
Chavo has a consummate tag team partner similar to the "third member of DX." If you don't get where I'm going with that, it's in reference to Triple H's sledgehammer. Chavo's partner in crime however is a steel chair nicknamed "Amigo" who helped earn Chavito eliminations over Super Fly and Pentagon Jr. By this point the crowd is clamoring for Chavo's nemesis Sexy Star, but instead they are delivered the microscopic hot topic of Mexican Wrestling, Mascarita Sagrada! Sagrada is famous among American audiences for the work he did with the WWE during The Attitude Era, but AAA fans know him as a mini luchador capable of hanging with his supersized opponents. Just as Chavo is set to continue his systematic dissection of everyone else in the ring, number eighteen is Sexy Star! Sexy explodes into the ring throwing forearms and haymakers at Chavo, overpowering the second generation wrestler and eventually taking the fight to the concrete floor. I personally find Sexy incredibly annoying as she reminds me of any other angry woman who can't leave well enough alone. Months have passed, and she's still all, "Chavo's a jerk!" Get over it lady. Or better yet, how about somebody else takes up the mantle in eliminating Chavo so it's believable?
After Chavo hit Sexy Star with "Amigo," Blue Demon made a surprise entrance in an attempt to settle the score with Chavo. Not even an entrant in the match, Demon returned to action after the heinous assault he suffered months back at the hands of Chavo Guerrero. While the pace picked up around the ring and Mariachi Loco entered at number nineteen, Sexy was able to eliminate Chavo Guerrero with the help of Blue Demon. As the landscape started to clear and Mil Muertes joined the battle at number 20, eliminations appeared to happen at a much faster rate. Big Ryck, Sagrada, Mariachi, and even Fenix were all gone. Before long the match was down to the final four: Sexy Star, Mil Muertes, Prince Puma, and the number two entry Johnny Mundo. The four wasted no time in deciding who would walk away champion. A sensational spear from Mil Muertes virtually launched Sexy Star into the front row, earning Muertes the pin and eliminating Sexy from contention. It appeared obvious to everyone that Puma and Mundo would combine forces to eliminate the hulking Muertes. Anybody who regularly reads my Lucha reviews knows I'm not a big fan of Ricky Banderas but I might be changing my tune. I thought he was impressive in this match, despite having a noticeable erection for most of it. The final straw for Muertes came when Johnny Mundo inadvertently kicked Muertes' valet Catarina in the face. The monster was then caught off guard and hit with two 450 springboards from both Prince Puma and Johnny Mundo.
The scene was now set for the two most popular wrestlers in Lucha Underground to compete one-on-one for the vacant championship title. I almost wish that I wasn't aware of who was going to win because the final few moments between Mundo and Puma were absolutely incredible. I don't want anyone to think I'm down on Mundo because I've been a Johnny Nitro fan since he and Joey Mercury were six-man-tagging with Mark Henry. I've always loved Johnny Mundo, I just don't think a company like Lucha Underground should hang their hat on a previously established star from the WWE. The back and forth between the two was without question the highlight of the night and maybe the best wrestling of the entire week. It would appear that toward the end, Johnny Mundo's hubris got the better of him, which would lead to his eventual downfall. After hitting what was once called "Starship Pain," Mundo assumed the title was his, but instead Puma managed to dig deep and kick out, much to the surprise of the former ECW Champion. Following a series of missteps on Johnny's behalf, Puma took to the sky and delivered the insanely innovative 630 splash. Prince Puma then covered an unconscious Johnny Mundo for the one, the two, and finally the three to become the first ever World Champion in Lucha Underground history.
What a night of nonstop luchador competition designed to speed your heart-rate and suspend your disbelief. The common consensus among industry insiders, is that Lucha Underground is currently poised to unseat TNA and ROH to become the number two most visible promotion in the country. I don't know if we can consider LU a promotion as of yet considering they're basically just a seasonal television series. I've been harping on the title picture for weeks and I'm happy to have Prince Puma as our inaugural champion. I recently released my "Top Fourteen Wrestler of 2014" and named Prince Puma AKA Ricochet the number five wrestler of the year. Now that we've got the strap situated, perhaps it's time for the powers-that-be to consider taking this show on the road? Maybe touring around Southern California the way NXT does in Florida. It's just a thought, and after a night such as this I'm completely comfortable without making any more suggestions. Thank you for joining me for another edition of "Viva La Lucha Libre." Until next time my name is Mark Adam Haggerty reminding you to bookmark my author page so that you can keep up with all of my columns, countdowns and coverage—exclusively at Cheap-Heat.
