Viva La Lucha Libre
Lucha Underground 2/11/15
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
Last week's episode of Lucha Underground ended with a cliffhanger—the long-awaited debut of AAA world heavyweight champion Alberto El Patron. This past week was not unlike the wait between 1980 and 1983; wondering how Darth Vader could be Luke Skywalker's father is
almost
as exciting as predicting how the "Boss" will fit into an already explosive �Underground locker room. It's almost Valentine's Day here in the United States but that doesn't mean the love in the air has infiltrated the Boyle Heights Temple. This week's episode featured thrilling Luchador action per usual combined with groundbreaking cinematics that continue to evolve as the audience expands. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and this is my once-weekly review of the most breathtaking hour of wrestling in America—this is "Viva La Lucha Libre."
Another week has gone by and once again we're back inside the Lucha Temple in Boyle Heights, right here in Southern California. Dario Cueto is in his office like always, this time sitting across from a world champion by the name of Alberto El Patron— but you already knew that. Alberto tells Dario that he likes the key he wears around his neck, and boldly asks what it opens. Cueto quickly changes the subject and asks Patron why he's decided to come to Lucha Underground. Alberto tells him that he has something he wants to get off his chest, and if Dario lets him say what he needs to, the next time he comes to his office asking for something—it'll be blood! The Lucha Temple is electric as always, swaying to the sounds of Mariachi El Bronx, the until-recently-unnamed house band who I predict horrendous things for in the near future.
Lucha Underground is off and running with the opening bout pitting two tecnicos against one another in high flying combat. The "Angel" Argenis is dressed in white and ready to mix it up with the man who challenged Puma for the heavyweight championship, Fenix. Fenix is clad in bright pink prompting the hopelessly outdated Vampiro to make mention of how secure Fenix is for wearing pink. For my money, there are far too many dives to the outside in Lucha Underground, even for the high-risk realm of AAA. Both babyfaces work one another with their most powerful offense, each coming up short in securing a pinfall. Argenis maintained firm control over Fenix, nearly crippling the young luchador with a hurricanrana off the top rope followed by a back face-buster. Vampiro says that Fenix is "hurt bad," but Argenis' hubris got the better of him when he opted to appeal to the audience instead of covering for a pin. The match gets further heated and the "keeper" of Mil Mueres, Catrina, appears at ringside. She circumnavigates the ringside area, keeping her eyes locked on the man to whom she delivered a devilish kiss last week, Fenix. Argenis capitalized on the distraction and attempted to secure the win, but was bested by Fenix who walked away victorious after an innovative "driver" maneuver. Catrina proceeded to enter the ring and licked Argenis, marking him for Mil Muertes, all the while continuing to stare daggers deep into the depths of Fenix.
Back from the commercial break and we get even more Catrina, this time in the locker room area alongside the monster Mil Muertes. "The power of a thousand lives is valuable," she says, "And it is that power that was too much for you. You need to…" The mammoth hands of Mil Muertes cut the words from escaping her lips, clutching her throat as each finger found its own individual resting place. He moved in close, and muffled by his mask Muertes yelled, "I need nothing!" The camera leaves Mil's dressing area and locks onto Chavo Guerrero who's getting ready for competition in the coming weeks. Before we can get a feel for Guerrero, Muertes appears and attacks Chavo. Muertes stood above the former ECW champion and cryptically warned, "Next week you pay your debt."
Last week Johnny Mundo was dismantled by the combined forces of King Cuerno and Cage. This week he's set to go head-to-head with the yet-to-be-victorious Son of Havok. The segment begins with SOH standing in the ring alongside his girlfriend Ivelisse, whom he seems to have reconciled with since their altercation on last week's show. Havok gives a similar speech to the one Ivelisse gave last time, with the same verbiage about how she's a "bad bitch" and he's not a loser. Havok is pleased to be presented with comparable competition considering the string of matches he's had with Sexy Star, Mascarita Sagrada, and Pimpenela Escarlata. Mundo makes his way to the ring, still rocking the fur coat but choosing to distance himself from the slow-motion entrance he made famous in the WWE. Havok starts out strong just the same as he does in all of his matches, maintaining a distinct edge over Johnny who's still suffering the effects of last week's assault. The action spills onto the outside where Mundo uses his size to his advantage and attempts to slam Havok, an idea that's soon debunked by the ever-present Ivelisse. From a grounded position the height advantage for Mundo became moot, leading Havok to take advantage for a considerable while. It became clear to Johnny that this smaller competitor wasn't going to be as easy to deal with as he first anticipated. Mundo came back with lighting quick jabs and carefully timed kicks to even the odds. Havok's picture-perfect cartwheels saved him time and again to where Son of Havok was standing on the top rope just within a jump of earning his first victory. However the moment blinded SOH and instead of executing the final blow, he postured to his girlfriend just long enough to allow for Mundo to react. Johnny Mundo finished SOH with what was once known as "Starship Pain," but now goes by the "End of the World." When the match ended King Cuerno appeared again, this time waiting until the end of Johnny's match. Cuerno entered the ring and proceeded to attack Mundo with the "Thrill of the Hunt," leaving no room for speculation as to who Cuerno is currently hunting.
Pentagon Jr. is still being billed as a heartless warrior with "No Fear," and regardless of whether he's supposed to be popular, he's striking all the right chords with the Faithful inside the Lucha Temple. Tonight Pentagon is set to square off against another Lucha enhancement talent, Ricky Mandel. Mandel is a popular Southern California-based indie attraction, but inside the Boyle Heights Temple he's just another example of what Pentagon Jr. is capable of. Last week's bout with Famous B had a little bit more back-and-forth whereas this week's encounter with Ricky Mandel is exceptionally one-sided. Without earning any sort of offense, Pentagon destroys Mandel with a combination of martial arts and patented wrestling holds. The end came for Mandel just the same as it did for B and similar to the situation we saw last week, there was no end for Ricky Mandel that didn't include getting his arm broken. Pentagon Jr. got the win, and once again secured a microphone long enough to declare, "Today I've given another sacrifice to my master"—the translation makes it sound less menacing, but it was really very bad-ass.
The main event of Lucha Underground is the debut of Alberto El Patron who isn't wrestling a match, but declaring his independence from the shackles of North American wrestling. He's very well-received, walking to the ring carrying the coveting AAA Mega Heavyweight Championship, he tells the cheering fans that he feels like he's surrounded by family. The Temple erupts with a chant of "Si! Si! Si," before dying down long enough for Alberto to talk turkey about what he's planning to do in Lucha Underground. The former WWE champion says that he's proud to be in a place where people aren't judged by the color of their skin, and the only thing holding anyone back is their inability to get the job done. "And Alberto El Patron gets the job done every time!" He spoke of the WWE in veiled pronouns, talking about the way he's been lied to and stabbed in the back. It seems as though Alberto El Patron is in for the long haul now that he's in Lucha Underground. As Alberto proceeded to discuss what he has in store stateside, an unknown assailant stormed the squared-circle from the ringside area. At first it appeared as though Cage was introducing himself to the "Boss," but on closer inspection it wasn't the "Machine" at all. It was El Texano Jr., the man whom Patron defeated for the world championship after a record-setting 735-day title reign. Texano attacked Patron both with his fists and the rugged bullwhip around his neck. Patron was down, the victim of a blindside massacre courtesy of a desperate ex-champion. Texano made no mention of who he was to the fans in Boyle Heights or the television audience, instead choosing to berate Alberto as he lay motionless on the canvas.
Rumors have existed since the inaugural episode of Lucha Underground, suggesting that AAA and its champions would begin to play a greater role on the weekly El Rey television series. This week the question has been answered as both Alberto El Patron and Texano Jr. made their momentous debuts inside the Boyle Heights Temple. How will these living legends fit an already established roster, and how will the presence of such a prestigious title belt impact the tattered remains of Prince Puma's Lucha Underground championship? We'll continue to get answers next week, but that doesn't mean the confusion is anywhere near being resolved. Thank you for joining me—I invite you to bookmark my author page to keep up with all of my reviews including weekly breakdowns of Raw, Smackdown, TNA, ROH, NJPW and of course Lucha Underground!
