Viva La Lucha Libre
Lucha Underground 4/22/15
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
I took Spanish for all four years of high school, and to this day the only phrase I remember in full is: “¿Donde estas mis pantalones?” Which means “Where are my pants?” It doesn’t come in handy nearly as often as I figured it would during my promiscuous adolescence. But that’s another story for another day—today is Wednesday and my name is Mark Adam Haggerty, which means it’s time to talk about Lucha Underground in this week’s edition of “Viva La Lucha Libre.”
The Trios tournament has come to a climactic conclusion and tonight we will crown the first ever Lucha Underground Trios Tag Team Champions in a triple threat elimination match. Lucha Underground has an amazing assortment of athletes, and regardless of whether we know who wins or not, each team possesses what it takes to earn the inaugural honor. The show kicks off with a 2-minute sequence wherein Black Lotus talks about how she’s been training to take her revenge on Matanza. The segments featuring Lotus are a forthright homage to the sort of cinema made popular by Quentin Tarantino and El Rey-owner Robert Rodriquez. Every detail speaks to the storytelling habits of Tarantino, including the use of silhouettes against colored backdrops, and the female heroine seeking revenge for her fallen loved ones.
The actual hour of wrestling kicks off in the Boyle Heights neighborhood of Los Angeles, with the Mexican rocker Sergio Arau serenading the fans inside the Lucha Underground Temple. Vampiro and Matt Striker welcome everybody around the country to another show, and things get started with our opening contest between Sexy Star and her one-time Trios partner Pentagon Jr.
Pentagon defeated and incapacitated their other partner, Super Fly, and even attacked ring announcer Melissa Santos. Despite his villainess ways, Pentagon has his supporters inside the Temple. The match is underway and Sexy gets to work smashing Pentagon’s face into the canvas and working over his legs so that he might stay grounded for the remainder of the match. Sexy chops Pentagon, but is met with a spin kick to the midsection upon a second try. Pentagon is soon in control and Sexy Star is flat on her back. The fans begin to battle chant-for-chant with “Zero Fear-o” going up against “Sexy Star.” As Pentagon continued to lash out against his female opponent, Sexy took the fight back by using the corner to her advantage and earning a near fall in the process. Pentagon waves with one finger towards the camera, as if to say, “No, no, no—you'll have to do better than that.” He toys with The Luchadora, kicking her in the face and showing her no mercy while deciding how to finish her once and for all. His hubris gets the best of him once more when Sexy was afforded the opportunity to climb the ropes and leap from the second turnbuckle—only to be caught in a tumultuous Tiger-Driver. Sexy exited the ring to regain her composure and found success when she’s sped things up against the precision-based martial artist; she ran the ropes and spun around his head at what seemed to be the speed of light, dizzying him down to the mat. Melissa Santos was at ringside cheering for Sexy Star alongside the rest of the audience. Sexy plancha’d onto Pentagon on the outside of the ring, leaving both competitors unable to move for a moment. Pentagon was the first to reenter the ring and answer the referees call, and dropped Sexy with not one—but TWO Power Bomb Lung Blowers. Shawn Davairi of WWE and TNA fame was shown at ringside, looking visibly shaken by the series of maneuvers performed on Sexy by Pentagon Jr. Pentagon went for his signature arm breaker, but Sexy came out of nowhere with a hurricanrana rollup for a fast and furious 1-2-3.
Johnny Mundo is in the graffiti-covered workout facility when he is interrupted by Alberto El Patron. “Always so close to the brass ring, but it remains out of your grasp,” Patron tells Mundo, mocking him for losing to Prince Puma and for never reaching the any level of world championship success.
Lucha Underground is really awesome about giving wrestling matches adequate time; they’ve allotted certain contests the entire hour whereas others have been rightfully relegated to ten minutes. With close to 30 minutes left in the broadcast, we are already on to our main event of the evening—a triple threat elimination match to crown the first ever Lucha Underground Trios Champions. The first team to enter the arena is that comprised of Texano Jr., King Cuerno, and Cage; followed by the mismatched group of Ivelisse, Son of Havoc, and Angelico; and finally the “New Crew” comprised of Big Ryck, Killshot, and Rodney “The Mack” Mack.
Things begin with Killshot, Cage, and Angelico where both of the smaller sized individuals team up on the gargantuan Cage. Cage has other plans however and Irish whips Angelico to the opposite corner, only to be caught with a super kick from Killshot. Killshot and Angelico have a moment to stare one another down before Cage is back in action and performs a double suplex onto his opponents. Cage tags Texano, who immediately puts the boots to Angelico and Killshot. He calls King Cuerno to join in the action and double-team Angelico, much to the chagrin of senior official Marty Elias. Texano has little-to-no trouble dealing with both of his opponents, even taking a moment to confer with his teammates before tagging King Cuerno into the bout. Cuerno stared Killshot down like a deer and attacked him with accurately placed kidney shots with the top of his foot. Angelico wasn't as lucky however and received the business and of Cuerno’s foot directly to the back of his head. Angelico was still in the fight and managed to keep his team alive long enough to tag Son of Havoc, while Killshot tagged Rodney Mack. As soon as Mack entered the ring, he flew back outside over the top rope and onto his opponent. The resident power houses of the nine men—Big Ryck and Cage—squared off one on one inside the ring while the rest of the Luchadors wrestled on the outside. Cage brought Ryck to his knees and proceeded to climb the top rope, where he surprised the audience by performing a moonsault onto the rest of his opponents. He brought Angelico back into the match but was soon clotheslined by Big Ryck. The match continued with Texano and Angelico, but in a strange turn of events, Texano became involved with a “fan” at ringside. He was pushed into Davairi in the front row, who immediately entered the equation and tossed him into a recently-vacated assembly of folding chairs. The action was still going strong inside and around the ring, until Killshot eliminated King Cuerno and the rest of his team.
The match was now down to three on three, with Ivelisse suffering from a twisted ankle on the outside of the ring. Rodney Mack was in complete control of Angelico and made use of quick tags between himself and fellow team member Killshot. Big Ryck eventually found his way into the match, landing huge power moves on the already injured Angelico, who took the brunt of the punishment for this entire match. Ryck hit Angelico with a huge suplex followed by a flying elbow by Rodney Mack. Angelico catapulted both Ryck and Mack to the outside so that he might go one-on-one with the equally-sized, yet lightning quick Killshot. As Angelico rolled out of the ring, Son of Havoc came to the rescue with huge chops to the masked Killshot. The action spilled to the outside when Ivelisse climbed the ropes and cross-bodied both Ryck and Mack. Meanwhile, as Havoc suicide dove through the ropes, Angelico reentered the fray against Killshot. Angelico hit Killshot with his “Fall of the Angels”—modified crucifix power bomb into the corner—for a decisive victory.
Following the bell, Dario Cueto informed the winning team of Angelico, Havoc and Ivelisse, that they didn't win the titles: "Because there’s one more team in the tournament." The hand-picked trios team chosen by Cueto was none other than The Crew. We went into a commercial and once we returned, the action was underway with the Crew taking advantage over the weakened state of their opponents. Vampiro and Striker reminded the audience at home of how dastardly this team could be, specifically citing the way in which they burned the eye of Big Ryck. They continued the carnage—inside the ring, on the floor, and on the concrete steps heading into the crowd. Ivelisse was stranded in the ring with an injured leg, in a two-on-one situation against Cortez Castro and Mr. Cisco. Havoc made the save, but the Crew maintained their edge via nefarious instruments such as kendo sticks. Angelico and Bael battle high above the Lucha Underground Temple with the spotlight shining on the action. Cisco then suplexed Havoc off of the elevated guard rail in the audience, but Havoc came back with a moonsault of his own from the very same guard rail. That’s when things went absolutely INSANE!!
From out of nowhere, Angelico flew from his 20-foot high perch above the crowd—over the audience—and into the ring. Literally… The craziest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Like… Let me break literary kayfabe… FOR REAL. It was bananas—the kind of shit you hear about but can never seem to find on YouTube. The final moments of the bout began to unfold with Ivelisse now in possession of the kendo stick. She “directed traffic” as Striker so eloquently described, pointing her opponents to either corner so that they might finish this match with a little bit of finesse. Angelico flew from his side with a double-foot stomp; Son of Havoc delivered his own Shooting Star Press.
“And here is your winner,” Melissa Santos explained excitedly, “The first ever Lucha Underground Trios Champions—the team of Ivelisse, Angelico, and Son of Havoc!”
The future of Lucha Underground is unclear, but what is evident as of now is the popularity of one of the most successful third party promotions since Extreme Championship Wrestling. I thought this was a very good episode, as is the norm for this fantastically-produced hour of professional wrestling featuring some of the most exciting acts in the industry. The final two matches were absolutely incredibly, and I really can’t say enough about that death defying dive by Angelico. Join me next time as we begin counting down the weeks to the season—or potentially SERIES—finale of Lucha Underground in August. Until then you can follow me on Twitter @TapeTraderz or on Facebook at “The B+ Players.”
