Viva La Lucha Libre: Lucha Underground 4/29/15

Viva La Lucha Libre
Lucha Underground 4/29/15
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty

What's going down Mexican wrestling aficionados? It's your boy Mark Adam Haggerty back again with a little bit of Luchador reading material to get you through your Thursday, and closer to that much-sought after weekend. Last night was another action-packed episode of Lucha Underground on the El Rey Network, full of fast-paced professional wrestling and star-studded cinematics. It was recently revealed that this first season of Lucha Underground has cost roughly $20M to produce—meaning just one of the 39 episodes can cost as much as $500,000. So if you're ever saying to yourself, "Man, every episode of this show is REALLY good"—well, it kind of has to be. Let's start off by discussing the opening segments from this week's episode of Lucha Underground.

Lucha Underground begins per usual with a montage of recent events including the newly crowned Trios Champions and Drago's victory over Aerostar in their "Best of Five" series. Drago's "unique opportunity" is a chance at Prince Puma's Lucha Underground Championship. But if Drago fails to capture the gold, he will be banned from the Lucha Underground Temple—FOREVER!

"Boys, you know what a lay-up is," Dario asked the Crew? They shook their heads, indicating that they do NOT know what a lay-up is, which in Los Angeles is tantamount to blasphemy. "A lay-up is something that should be very easy. A lay-up is what I gave you last week when I handed you the Trios Title on a single platter. But you couldn't beat two losers and a girl on one leg!" The Crew's faces grew solemn as they looked toward the ground in defeat. He brought them into the darkened cell of Matanza—who Dario revealed as his BROTHER. The gargantuan shadow loomed over Mr. Cisco, Cortez Castro, and Bael, "You screw up again, you can answer in there—to him."

Matt Striker and Vampiro are on hand as always; Roddy Piper discussed Vampiro on his podcast this past Monday, putting him over as a class-act and a highly talented individual. It was news to Hot Rod, however, that Vampiro was the "VOICE" of Lucha Underground. The house band tonight is Sergio Mendoza y La Orkestra; I really like how Lucha Underground introduces gringos like me to multicultural tunes that I might not otherwise listen to. I especially appreciate the way they vary the performers from month to month as well, giving audiences a taste of several artists such as Amandititita and Sergio Arau.

Our first match of the evening pits the fiery Fenix against the insanely impressive Killshot in one-on-one competition. I dare say that Killshot is my favorite performer on the Lucha Underground roster at the moment, which I attribute greatly to his overall look. I said before and I spoke at length on "The Outsiders Edge Podcast," that Killshot may in fact be the first mainstream African American luchador I've ever seen. I've certainly witnessed my share of black dudes wearing masks, but Killshot fully embraces all aspects of wrestling a Mexican style. Both wrestlers engage in their own version of the "Code of Honor," choosing to shake hands before tying up. After a round of back and forth, Killshot earns the upper hand, but Fenix fights back until both men are kicking one another with all of their might. Killshot Irish-whips Fenix into the ropes, but Fenix reverses and Killshot hooks his arms around the top rope. Fenix charged, but Killshot ducked, and sent the Luchador sky high and down across his knees for a vicious Back Stabber. Fenix is able to hang on and catches Killshot square in the face with a big boot from the top rope. He followed through with a spinning back fist, only to lose momentum when Killshot Super kicked him in the jaw. Back and forth the action continued until Fenix hit Killshot with a Tombstone Spike Piledriver, the same move that broke "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's neck. Fenix walks away with the victory.

Dario Cueto approaches Drago in the grimy locker room area of the Lucha Underground Temple. "I knew I'd find you here. You know something Drago," Dario began "You never said �THANK YOU' to me. I've given you the opportunity of a lifetime. A chance to win the Lucha Underground Title." Dario says that he knows Drago is upset about the stipulation, but assures the demonic luchador that it's "tailor-made" for him. "Drago, you have survived time and time again, while your kind have gone extinct," does Dario Cueto think that Drago is ACTUALLY a Dragon? Uh— IS Drago a Dragon?

"You're having second thoughts about ending that man's career," Cueto was now in Puma's portion of the locker room. "Well, I'm here to tell you—sending Drago away is a small price to pay to keep that title. Warriors don't worry about the defeat of their foes. Warriors think of NOTHING but victory. And only a warrior deserves to be my champion." Prince Puma lifted the gold title belt and stared into its shiny face, perhaps wondering if being the champion really IS worth ending Drago's career. Hernandez appeared in the locker room: "We've got a problem." Hernandez wants to know why Dario is booking him in a three way against King Cuerno and Cage, and suggests that it's going to be a two-on-one handicap match. Dario says that he'll give them each a singular motivation, which will inhibit them from establishing any kind of lengthy alliance. Dario tells Hernandez that he is the only reason Puma is still champion—a comment that Puma can clearly hear just five feet away—and is making this a number one contender's match for Prince Puma's world championship. Hernandez says that he likes the way Dario thinks and leaves. Dario smiles after looking over at Puma. He knows what he's doing, and might be trying to light a fire under his CURRENT world champion.

The next match of the evening is a Four Way Dance between Famous B, Ricky Mandel, Vinnie Massaro, and Argenis. A few things before we get into the basics of what went down in this match: these guys have made MIRACULOUS recoveries since falling victim to Pentagon Jr. I suppose Pentagon is being portrayed as the most vicious of the "Home Grown Heels," in contrast to the AAA transplants like Texano, but more on him in a moment. Literally, just a moment. Pentagon was touted on this week's "Piper's Pit" as the most hated member of the Lucha Roster, by showrunner Eric Von Wagner. Also, who the hell is Vinnie Massaro? I missed ONE episode of Lucha Underground since it debuted, and I guess that was the Vinnie Massaro episode. Okay so about Texano—see I told you we'd be back in a moment! This match lasted maybe 15 seconds before Texano Jr. entered the match and laid waste to this Enhancement Talent Four-way with his bare hands. He threw all four participants out of the ring as well as the referee, and gave Famous B an Earth-shaking power bomb.

Texano asks for the mic: "I don't know who the hell that guy was who dared put his hands on me last week," he's speaking in Spanish and referring to Shawn Daivari who was seated at ringside during the finals of the Trios Tournament. "If you want to fight Texano, I invite you to come to the Temple!" He threw his bull rope to the ground and spoke in English for the first time since debuting: "And I will give you the beating of your life!" The Lucha Faithful inside the Temple erupted in favor of Texano Jr., a consummate villain that's earned the respect of the Boyle Heights community.

We're outside for the first time since I can remember, alongside the outer wall of the building. A mysterious bearded individual is standing propped against the graffiti-covered bricks of the sacred �Temple. Dario goes outside to take a cell phone call and the mysterious man comes out from the shadows: "Mr. Cueto! I've been camping out here for a week, just waiting to see you." Dario says that he doesn't have time for autographs, and that if he wants one, he has to request it online. The man wearing a shirt that reads "Aztec Pride" assures Dario that he doesn't want to watch the show—he wants to be part of it. He says that his name is Marty "The Moth" Martinez, and that he has Aztec blood running through his veins. Granted, he looks like a big burly white dude, so I can understand Dario's reservations. Dario asks about the "Moth" moniker, and Marty says that the Moth is his spirit animal, and that the Lucha Underground Temple is his destiny. "Look, this Temple is open to anybody," Dario said, "But if I let you compete, I think you'll just get squashed—like a moth."

We're gearing up for the three way number one contender's match featuring the "Hunter" King Cuero, the "Machine" Cage, and the "Texas Sandstorm" Hernandez. Unlike our opening contest, there will be no handshake between these competitors—instead King Cuero and Cage immediately team up to take on Hernandez. Cage is incredibly impressive, hitting Hernandez with a standing shooting star press—or a moonsault, it was hard to see on which side Cage was standing. Cage and Cuerno's alliance is quick to dissolve as soon as Hernandez leaves them alone to compete on their own. Cage and Cuerno are both very young professional wrestlers, going toe-to-toe with a 42-year old 20-year veteran in Hernandez. Hernandez made his professional debut in November of 1996, and still runs the ropes and splashes his opponents the way he did when he was twenty-three. Matt Striker says that he didn't like Cage when he debuted, but has to admire his dedication to his craft from week-to-week.

Cage and Cuerno seem to get on the same page once more, but Hernandez hits King Cuerno with an "Intestine-Buster"—Matt Striker gets the credit for that one—followed by a funny face that basically said: "Yeah, you just saw that shit." Hernandez really does look amazing, and I'd dare say he looks better now than he did while paired alongside Homicide in LAX. A lot of these big dudes get leaner as they get older, and the result is usually more defined. If titles were given to guys based on the composition of their arms, Hernandez would be a Grand Slam Champion. But just when Cage and Hernandez were ready to finish the fight, Marty "The Moth" Martinez made his unceremonious debut. He hit the ring wearing his bright yellow "Aztec Pride" shirt and let the world know: "MARTY THE MOTH IS HERE!" Cuerno stood and kicked Marty clear across the ring, because apparently he was the only wrestler "heel-enough" to attack a "fan." Marty completely no-sold the drop-kick and was thrown over the top rope by Cage. Marty ran off into the back, and Matt Striker asked that the producers get the cameras off of him and back on the match. Hernandez hit Cuero with his inverted sit-out side-powerslam to become the new number one contender.

Vampiro has a sit-down with the new Trios Champions—Son of Havoc, Ivelisse, and Angelico—who are still having trouble getting on the same side. They argue over who is the team captain, and Angelico says that he won the titles when he leapt across the crowd from the office and into the ring. Ivelisse says that he won't shut up about the leap, and says that it was just a crossbody—"the most basic move in wrestling." Angelico suggests that it was THE crossbody. Havoc says that he thought it was pretty cool, but Ivelisse says that nobody asked him. Vampiro points out that Ivelisse is wearing a cast, but she assures him that "when it comes time to fight, [she'll] fight."

It's time for the main event wherein Drago is challenging the first-and-only Lucha Underground Champion, Prince Puma. If Drago is unable to defeat Puma this evening, he will no longer be allowed to compete in the Lucha Underground Temple. Drago makes his appearance down the darkened staircase under a bright red light, ready to compete in what is perhaps the biggest match of his Lucha Underground career. Prince Puma arrives in the building wearing the Puma pelt over his head, with Konnan following closely behind. We head into a commercial just as Puma is presenting his championship to the �Faithful', and when we return, this match is underway. Senior referee Marty Elias calls for the bell, and Puma and Drago shake hands as a sign of mutual respect. Drago and Puma exchange rough shots and Drago competes like his career is on the line, not allowing the champion any opportunity to follow through on impactful maneuvers. Drago follows through with an array of ground-based quick attacks, much to the chagrin of Konnan, who would rather see Puma react with more viscosity than honor. Drago works the champion into the corner and continues kicking and chopping away, focusing on the wobbly legs of Puma, so as to inhibit his aerial offense. Puma powers back and planchas his opponent; Vampiro says that he's been waiting for the champion to wake this audience up. Back inside the ring, Puma goes for the quick cover and earns a short two-count.

Puma became angry when he was unable to pin the "Last Remaining Dragon," and instead opted to apply a submission hold, that transitioned into a big slam and a near fall. Puma attacks Drago in the corner, but Drago moves out of the way and reverses Puma's advance with a corkscrew attack from the top rope. Drago applies a submission hold that makes Matt Striker say, "We've seen this from Drago and—wait, no we haven't!" He wrapped his legs around Pumas head with added pressure placed on his arms, in sort of a—uh, double-underhook-head-scissor… ROLL ? Puma fought through the pain with Konnan screaming in his face from ringside, and was able to get to the rope with the tip of his foot. Back and forth with a standing shooting star press from Puma and nobody is willing to back down. Puma placed Drago on his shoulders and attempted a GTS-style kick, but Drago landed on his feet and with a wag of the finger said: "No, no, no." Drago attacked Puma and earned a 2 and 9/10ths count from the referee before the champion kicked out.

Vampiro says, "This is so serious man," and you really get the impression that he and Striker are enjoying this match as much as the fans at home. The champion punches Drago in the face, and follows up with a series of kicks and a spinning belly-to-back Orange Crush bomb. He gets a 2 count, and the Lucha Underground Faithful go crazy: "This is awesome, this is awesome…" and Striker wonders if this is the last time Drago will hear those chants. Puma lifts Drago again but inadvertently knocks out the referee; Drago capitalizes and hits Puma with the Canadian Destroyer—interesting, for a Mexican wrestler working in America. He covers Puma but Marty Elias is out. That's when the number one contender showed up; Hernandez sped toward Puma with a ferocious body block—shades of the "Alpha Male" Monty Brown—but missed the champion, and collided with Drago. Hernandez showed no remorse and left the ring, leaving Striker to question who Hernandez was aiming for. Prince Puma didn't want to win the match like that, but succumbed to the pressure from Konnan and the fans inside the Temple, and defeated Drago to retain his title.

After the match, Puma and Konnan both raised Drago's hands on either side of the now BANNED Luchador, as a sign of respect, while the �Faithful chanted: "Thank you Drago." I really liked the way Konnan played this. He told Puma that he can't show mercy during the match, and after it was over, assured his "client" that there wasn't any other option. But still—Konnan raised Drago's hand, proving just what kind of person Konnan is in contrast to the far more diabolical Dario Cueto.
Another thrilling hour of nonstop fun from the same dude that brought you From Dusk til Dawn and Spy Kids . Until next time, this has been Mark Adam Haggerty reminding you to check out all of my work at Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News; follow me on Twitter via @TapeTraderz and on Facebook by LIKING "The B+ Players"; and listen to my weekly podcasts available every single Friday, Saturday and Sunday—exclusively at Cheap-Heat.com.