What’s Cookin & What Doesn’t Matter : Your Weekly Smackdown Breakdown
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
The week is coming to a close which means the WWE is back with another episode of the second longest-running episodic television series in broadcast history. The events of Raw are still fresh in the mind of the WWE Universe as fans wonder what to expect as we hit the blinker and move into the Fastlane on the Road to Wrestlemania. Despite far more matches on Monday Night, Smackdown maintains its reputation as the main roster's wrestling show. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, here as always to navigate you toward what's good—and direct you AWAY from what's bad on Thursday Night Smackdown. I'm going to tell you what was COOKIN', and what simply DOESN'T MATTER!
Smackdown opens with a locker room full of tag team competitors preparing for the upcoming Tag Team Turmoil match. Generally �Turmoil is reserved for a title defense, but tonight's contest is designed to sabotage both Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns as they get set to go one-on-one in ten days at Fastlane. The WWE tag team champions the Usos are on hand with the Ascension, Los Matadors, and Slater Gator to name a few. Kane and the Big Show lead the meeting which makes me reconsider my question from Monday night about who's in charge of the Authority when Triple H and Stephanie are nowhere to be found? I hypothesized a scenario where Kane shared control with Seth Rollins, but perhaps the Big Show has some sort of Kayfabe sway inside the stable as well.
The opening credits roll and Michael Cole welcomes worldwide audiences to the number one television series on SyFy—it always strikes as strange, the way a global company makes so many national references on TV shows that reach across an entire planet. The "Eater of Worlds" Bray Wyatt is first on the scene, preparing to go head-to-head with R Truth. I enjoy �Truth and think there's a tremendous upside to booking Ron Killings in a stronger sense. His evil alliance with the Miz in 2011 was the beginning of something great, but like all things wonderful on the mid-card, his presence within the company fizzled away into obscurity. I thought the pairing of Wyatt with Truth was awfully peculiar, and jokingly wonder if the WWE is reading my columns where I insist they vary the competition. More matches per hour is a great first step, but if I had to see Wyatt wrestle Dolph Ziggler again I was going to—well, I wasn't going to do anything because I'm a dedicated wrestling fan, but it would have been annoying. R Truth's music is infectious, even after 8 years, and gets both Byron and the King dancing in their seats at ringside. Michael Cole then proceeded to tell Byron that he was "embarrassing himself," and said nothing to Jerry Lawler. This match was more even-sided than I might have anticipated with plenty of impressive offense from �Truth, and not just that stupid split spot he does. Bray is getting much better at the upside-down crab-walk, but does Lawler really need to bring up Linda Blair and the Exorcist every time we see it? First of all, that's an incredibly dated reference—that movie came out 42-years ago. Second, I'm pretty sure Bray got the idea from the Exorcist so saying that is just oversaturating the mystique of what he's doing. Nobody on WCW TV ever said, "Man Sting reminds me of Brandon Lee in �The Crow.'" Everybody was talking about it backstage and at home, but Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay never said, "What he's doing on our TV show is from a movie." Following his demented crab-walk, Bray zeroed in and finished the former United States champion with Sister Abigail. On a scale from Cookin' to Doesn't Matter, I'd place this opening match somewhere in the middle as it didn't really do much other than give Wyatt a chance to show how good he's getting at walking upside down on his hands.
The Bella's are once again at ringside providing commentary, which is oftentimes hilarious but Mike McGuirk and Renee Young they are not. I think it would behoove the WWE to consider launching an "All-Diva" program on the WWE Network similar to Superstars and Main Event but featuring nothing but women's matches. There is most certainly a market for high quality female wrestling competition, and that industry is currently dominated by independent outfits such as Shine and Shimmer. If the WWE wants more programming on their Network and also seeks to widen their potential audience, it would be a smart move to start booking an all-Divas show. Imagine a program with 3-4 matches featuring Nattie Neidhart, Charlotte, Sasha Banks, the Bella Twins, Naomi, Blue Pants, Bayley, and Becky Lynch. The biggest issue with the women in the WWE now that they've become confident between the ropes is the consistency in storylines from week to week. I for one have trouble following just what the heck is going on between Nikki and her sister Brie, and when exactly did Paige enter the fray? Is she a replacement for AJ Lee? The WWE could film the matches before and after Smackdown and Raw and use that show to build multiple angles that could then translate to the main roster and NXT. This would also allow for Diva's on Raw and Smackdown to intermingle with the up and coming women of NXT, which would greatly benefit both parties should they have a chance to learn from each other. If you look at the Bellas, Cameron, Eva Marie, and Alicia Fox, there's plenty of room for improvement but the desire to grow and prosper within the industry is there. Think back to an era dominated by Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle when the best we could hope for was a "Bra and Panties Match." The women on the main roster today all appear to be getting better and that definitely includes Paige's opponent tonight Summer Rae. I went into this match without any elevated expectations, other than to hear a few funny one-liners out of the Divas Champion Nikki Bella. But Summer Rae most certainly delivered, keeping up with Paige and landing a flurry of impressive kicks and submission holds. Summer almost had the former champion beaten with an innovative half-figure-four that put all of Summer's weight down on the left leg of Paige. Summer continued the onslaught while Nikki didn't disappoint on commentary. When asked to comment regarding "spray-tanning" Paige on Raw last week, Nikki said, "I was trying to make her pretty. I didn't know it was a bad thing." Inside the ring Paige screamed in agony as Summer Rae repositioned herself over her opponent, applying more pressure to the hold and shoving the heel of her boot in Paige's throat. But Paige, determined to succeed both tonight and at Fastlane, fought out of the predicament and applied her very own P.T.O., which as the name suggests, caused Summer Rae to "tap out." In case you couldn't tell, I thought this match was considerably Cookin'!
This many Sheamus promos, two on Raw and then another pair this evening on Smackdown, lead me to believe the "Celtic Warrior" will be back in a big way. But will we get the smiley goof that's proud to resemble a Muppet, or will we get the rugged Irishman that Jerry Lawler says, "Loves to fight." While I first thought the King slipped up and gave Sheamus a tag line belonging to Dave "Fit" Finlay, it seems that's also a phrase now attributed to Sheamus. Of course that gets the wheels in my head turning as to how I'd love to see a reinvigorated, no-nonsense Sheamus mentored by the Belfast Bruiser. Add Finn Balor and Becky Lynch to the ensemble and we've got a formidable force of Irish-born Superstars that could be a cross between the Truth Commission and the Bullet Club.
It's party time all the time, but more importantly it is party time RIGHT NOW! Adam Rose is on his way to the squared circle surrounded by several Rose Buds who Rose deems unworthy of his traditional trust exercise, instead heading straight through the ropes and into action against Fandango. This is a rematch from last week's embarrassing display by Rose, losing to Fandango after being distracted by his own entourage. This evening Rose is working with less spring in his step and more fire behind his fists. He stomps Fandango down and capitalizes with expertly-timed mat-based moves, until Fandango is able to counter the offensive. The action continued to see-saw with Rose coming within an inch of victory before falling victim to Fandango's flying leg drop nicknamed "The Last Dance." Rose left the ring in a fit of anger, threatening the nearest Rosebud, instead choosing to stomp away in defeat. This match doesn't matter, but I'd be willing to watch it again because it was somewhere in the neighborhood of three minutes long with well-produced comedy spots before and after the bout.
One of the most intriguing elements of WWE TV in recent months has been the developing rivalry between WWE COO Triple H and the "Vigilante" Sting. The mysterious man in black cost Triple H and the Authority on two occasions, first at the Survivor Series and then on Monday Night Raw when he offered the distraction, enabling John Cena to reinstate his fired friends. I've long said that Sting and Triple H is the match that I want to see should Steve Borden only wrestle once while under contract. I don't think the Undertaker would have enough left to push Sting to where he needs to be, and I don't think any of the younger talent has earned the right to be the one WWE Superstar who gets to wrestle Sting. This Monday we heard Triple H describe his love for the WWE, which is equal to the level of hatred he feels for the Vigilante. The "Fake Sting" that caught Triple H off guard might not have been Jeff Farmer, but the events of Monday Night and the carefully constructed Vignette on tonight's Smackdown make me nostalgic for an era where storytelling was paramount to the overall product. I wouldn't generally take the time to review a vignette on a weekly TV show, but the build to their epic confrontation at Wrestlemania has been cleverly-conceived and I look forward to the prologue to their story in just over a week at Fastlane. This vignette was COOKIN'!
Am I the only one that thinks Daniel Bryan's hair is getting way too long? I'm hoping against hope that this situation with Roman Reigns will lead Bryan down the path to a villainous heel run similar to his time as champion in Ring of Honor. Should Bryan turn I think a shave and a haircut would be the wisest way to convey his transformation to the entire WWE Universe. Bryan and Roman are both getting set to square off against a number of top-tier tag teams in the WWE in Tag Team Turmoil. Both men pace about the ring awaiting their first challenge which comes in the form of The Miz and his personal assistant Damian Mizdow. Roman and Daniel show signs of cohesive functionality, albeit tagging one another into the bout via less than cordial circumstances. The Miz and Mizdow are still operating in "Creative Limbo," where the audience isn't yet sure what to make of the new "personal assistant" role. A series of blind tags and finishing maneuvers lead Bryan and Roman to their first pinfall. While I think there are fans around the world unhappy with the result of the 2015 Royal Rumble, I definitely think there's merit to an argument about geographic popularity. Tonight Smackdown is in Ohio where Roman is a far more favorable commodity than he was in Philadelphia. I think the combination of international super fans and casual California locals will make Roman Reigns presence in Santa Clara an especially interesting experience. The second team set to take the stage is the championship combination of Jimmy and Jey, the Usos! I initially figured the WWE didn't put much stock in its own tag team title holders. The champions entered second and within a matter of moments were bested just the same as the Miz and Mizdow. But by five minutes into the fall I began to realize that this encounter would be more than just a standard-squash. Roman has trouble tying up with his cousins and reverts to Bryan, allowing the former world champion to enter the match and contend with the well-conditioned, fast-tagging tandem of Jimmy and Jey. Bryan used his battle with the Usos to "teach" Reigns moves while he stood on the apron, snapping Suplexes and saying, "That is a suplex." The Usos put Bryan through his paces, but it's not long before Roman is back in the action and able to get the upper hand. By the end of the fall, Daniel had both Usos on the outside where he laid into them with incredibly stiff kicks to the gut. Reigns left his perch on the apron and tore Bryan away telling him that he'd seen enough, and that the Usos were hurt. Bryan tells Reigns, "We have to win," which leads Roman to say, "You can't win out here! Get him in the ring and do it the right way!" Bryan took exception to Reigns, but the match would continue back inside the squared circle until the potential challengers combined their efforts to defeat the Usos with a "Yes Lock" by Bryan.
The third team set to try their hand at defeating the hopeful number one contenders is Los Matadores, who enter the arena amidst an argument between Bryan and Reigns. Fernando starts things off on a positive note for his team, laying into Daniel Bryan with a few educated feet, but soon falls considerably short to Bryan in the martial arts department. Within minutes it's clear that Los Matadores are nothing but filler designed to ease Bryan and Reigns out of their fall with the tag team champions and into another considerable challenge. Bryan administers a textbook Mexican surfboard to the Puerto Rican Superstars who pretend to be Mexican. Unless there are matadors in Puerto Rico, which there very well could be. Inside of four minutes Daniel Bryan capitalizes without the effort of his tag team partner and single handedly defeats Los Matadores and FINALLY it's Slater Gator! Titus O'Neil struts to the ring barking alongside Heath Slater who is sporting a very close, much more stylish haircut. They head into action right around the half-hour point in the match, hoping FOUR could be their lucky number. Just the same as Daniel Bryan managed to defeat Los Matadores, so too did Roman Reigns vanquish the dynamic duo of Slater and Gator with a Superman Punch and a Spear. Now tied with equal bragging rights, the unlikely pair of Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan were faced with their fifth and most formidable challenge—the longest reigning NXT tag team champions, the Ascension. Unlike the previous two falls, this showdown with the Ascension proved problematic as Konnor and Viktor wasted little time in resorting to underhanded, double-team tactics to isolate each individual. The Ascension used the ringside environment as a third tag partner, sending both Bryan and Reigns into the steel surroundings until neither man could stand. Despite all four participants being outside of the ring for quite a while, the referee never called for the bell, which allowed the Ascension to single-out Bryan and nearly-decapitate him with the Fall of Man. The dominant tag team from NXT attempted to capitalize on Bryan, but were soon informed by the official that they had been disqualified for their unruly behavior. Of course Konnor and Viktor snapped, continuing their warpath this time against Reigns. They were eventually separated by a sea of striped shirts, and that's when the music hit: "Well it's the Big Show!"
I suspected that the "Big Nasty Bastard" and the "Demon" Kane might be the final challenge for Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan. Despite generally having a distasteful opinion of both Glen Jacobs and Paul Wight, I was rather excited to see these two monsters arrive on the scene to further punish Reigns and Bryan after being laid out by the Ascension. The former tag team champions Kane and Big Show began the match with an early advantage earned by the hardcore assault by the Ascension. Despite working the previous five falls at constant odds, Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns seem to find common ground against their shared enemy in the final moments of this main event. Kane is the first one in for his team and keeps firm control over his former friend Daniel Bryan, while Big Show and Roman Reigns stand idly by on the apron. �Show entered the fight giving both members of the Authority opportunity to dominate Daniel Bryan. Big Show took his time in slaughtering Bryan, refusing to go for any kind of cover. Kane looked at his partner and as earnestly as he could said, "Finish him �Show." Big Show laughed and yelled back, "I'm having fun!" I feel like I'd be less down on these two if their characters continued to develop past 2006. Instead the WWE just switches them from heel to face and back again each year. Let's explore the dysfunctional dichotomy between the conservative Kane and the much more-brash Big Show. The divide between the Authority leads to a blind tag and an argument, allowing Daniel Bryan the chance to capitalize and apply the "Yes Lock" to Kane. Big Show blind tags back in and signals for the chokeslam. Bryan once again attempts to lock in his famous submission, only to be interrupted by another argument between Kane and Big Show. This time �Show had enough of Kane's reasonable suggestions and responded with a riotous right hand directly into the Demon's jaw. Kane went down and Roman Reigns used the distraction to catch the Big Show with a Spear. Now Daniel Bryan, the legal man in the ring, finished the Big Show and pinned him for the final fall of the match.
I thought this entire 6-fall contest was really interesting. It lasted nearly an hour and put Roman Reigns through his paces like never before. Bryan did most of the work for his team, but Roman did a fine job of working each of his opponents without blowing up in a seriously noticeable way. I think this Tag Team Turmoil match was of course intentionally devised to help get Roman over the stigma of being an unworthy heir apparent to the throne. I was confused when it started so early in the card but after the intense battle with the Usos, I realized the timing would work out perfectly. The emotional encounter between Reigns and Bryan and the Usos was a wonderful way to contrast the ruthless nature of Daniel Bryan and sensitive naiveté of Roman Reigns. Even in the final moments of Smackdown when they each stared off at the Wrestlemania 31 banner, Reigns showed signs of sportsmanship while all through the bout Bryan insisted on winning at all costs. This match was the most COOKIN' thing I've seen on Smackdown in quite some time.
Where does the WWE go from here now that Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan are just one week away from their catastrophic collision in Memphis at Fastlane? I thought tonight's episode of Thursday Night Smackdown was really good; exceeding my expectations seems to be a common trait for what's long been considered the secondary broadcast in WWE. People like to say Smackdown should go live, but I believe the taped nature of the program is key in delivering so many impressive in-ring moments. The live Monday night show is used to swerve the audience with talking segments, while Smackdown relies greatly on the athletic ability of the WWE Roster. An entertaining night on the SyFy Network, especially the second hour which included the must-see Tag Team Turmoil match pitting Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns against the entire tag division. That's it for me this week. Please remember to bookmark my author page to catch up on hundreds of reviews, columns, and countdowns exclusively available here at Cheap-Heat. Until next time, my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and this has been "What's Cookin' & What Doesn't Matter."
