The WWE has been on a roll as of late, I'm not sure if you guys feel the same way or not, feel free to chime in below in the comments. Payback wasn't a dramatically terrible show; NXT Takeover Unstoppable featured the arrival of Samoa Joe and a potential 5-star women's title match; and Kevin Owens has been pushed to the top of the card where he will meet John Cena this weekend at Elimination Chamber. I mean—just look at the Chamber itself, and you can see why I'm optimistic about what's to come in the very near future. We've got the first-EVER tag team elimination chamber match—an event that us video game nerds have witnessed before, but never thought we'd see portrayed live! And with six teams involved! And an intercontinental title match—inside the most demonic structure that Satan (Eric Bischoff) could have ever constructed? Sign me up! Seriously guys, all exaggerations and hyperbole aside, it's a good time to be a WWE fan, and Brock Lesnar hasn't even come back yet. Money in the Bank is still one month away, and Monday Night Raw has been consistently splendid for four weeks in a row. What year is this? Where am I? Who is the President? Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Mark Adam Haggerty and this is "What's Cookin' and What Doesn't Matter."
Tonight's episode opens with the "Lunatic Fringe" Dean Ambrose , who makes his way to the ring wearing a t-shirt, rather than a dumb fucking leather jacket. Dean recounts the events of Monday Night when he was arrested so that he wouldn't be able to sign his contract for his upcoming match against Seth Rollins at Elimination Chamber. Dean cuts a very natural promo and says that he was given one phone call whilst in custody and decided to drop the dime on Roman Reigns. He asked Roman to "buy him some time," so that he could figure a way out of jail. Dean then showed a WWE YouTube video, wherein Seth Rollins is caught pushing the camera man into Dean. This was all the cops needed to release the �Lunatic; the New York police officers gave him a ride back to the arena and "even let him drive the paddy wagon." Dean warns Seth that he will beat the hell out of him at Elimination Chamber, and will do the same during their tag team match in tonight's main event. This was about 5 minutes long and didn't lead to any ridiculous dialogue with the Authority, so I was really happy to see the way it turned out. It was COOKIN' for sure.
The first match tonight is a tag team lumberjack match between Kidd and Cesaro and the Lucha Dragons. Tyson Kidd is wearing a baseball cap and Cesaro is wearing a bandana over the bottom portion of his face. Tyson Kidd starts things out against Sin Cara with nine additional athletes positioned around ringside. The WWE tag division has been a shell of its former self in recent years and is finally returning to its past glory, and might even be surpassing previous expectations. Why is that? A lot of it has to do with the quality of the current roster, but much can be owed to the make-up of various teams. In the past we've seen "Super Teams" dominate the tag division; Chris Jericho and the Big Show, Randy Orton and Edge, John Cena and Shawn Michaels, Shawn Michaels and Steve Austin, Steve Austin and Dude Love, the BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION! While they were awesome teams, clearly capable of securing gold, they were short lived programs that were meant to build to an ultimate singles encounter. These teams are actual tag teams, similar to the Hart Foundation, the British Bulldogs, or Strike Force! Both teams involved in this match are well-versed in tag team competition and know how to utilize their partner to gain the advantage through teamwork. The various teams surrounding the ring are equally dedicated to their tandems and perform better as a result. This was an awesome match, and when the dust settled, it was the former NXT tag team champion Lucha Dragons who held their hands high. Tyson Kidd reversed an attempted hurricanrana by Kalisto into the Sharpshooter, but Sin Cara spring-boarded from the top rope to break things up. The New Day distracted Kidd from the action and Kalisto gets the victory. It's the first match of the night, but this might just be the—uh, well—MATCH OF THE NIGHT! This was COOKIN' like anybody might expect. Definite must-see.
I'm really convinced that R Truth's character is based on a PCP-addicted underground rapper from the New York tristate area. I told this story before, but I'd like to sum it up as a limerick—
"There once was a rapper on drugs,
Who swore he was covered in bugs.
Lost all his wits,
And ate a girls tits.
And he spoke to invisible thugs."
So I mean—R Truth has an imaginary friend, he's irrationally afraid of spiders, he's a rapper. If he consumes a woman's breasts then there's really no question as to where his character comes from. Obviously I'm kidding. Not about the rapper on PCP, that's real. R Truth is wrestling King Bad News Wade Barrett in a preview bout for this weekend's Elimination Chamber match for the intercontinental championship. Surprisingly, R Truth picked up a win, but was immediately blindsided by the Celtic Warrior. Sheamus entered the ring and attacked his adversaries, before leaving with his head held high. This was COOKIN' because R Truth beat Wade Barrett clean, and that was pretty neat to see. It was also short enough that it's worth checking out between segments anyway. Main event? No way. Match of the night? Hell no. But a decent bout nonetheless.
There's a quick backstage promo featuring Lana as she speaks with Renee Young regarding the events on Raw involving Rusev. She says that she is "no possession" of any man, and isn't a prize to be won. Renee asks about her relationship with Dolph Ziggler; Lana says there is no relationship with Dolph Ziggler, despite the footage suggesting the contrary. Lana is interrupted by Rusev and asks if he's there to start screaming again, and wants to know if he's going to keep acting like a child. Rusev smiles: "Why bother? I already had my way with your little Dolph Ziggler. Where is he now? Is he in the medical facility? Is he at home drinking hot cocoa? Or maybe he's just afraid to show up because he knows I'm here." He says he isn't jealous of Dolph, which appears to weigh heavy on his former main squeeze. He leave her with the words: "You dug your grave, now you rot in it." This was fucking ridiculously cool. It was COOKIN', for sure, and lead into the events of the next segment.
Ryback is going head-to-head with the "Bulgarian Brute," who continues to carry the Red, White, and GREEN of his native Bulgaria. If I was Miroslav Barnyashev—Rusev's real name—I would be pretty jazzed to finally carry my own nation's banner to the ring. That's pretty rad. I'm happy to see how Rusev is being treated, especially following that exchange with Lana just moments ago. I was worried that Rusev might be forced into the jealous ex-boyfriend position, set to snap at every given opportunity. I was hoping Lana was playing her part to help Rusev win the Intercontinental Championship. Perhaps she will use her feminine wilds to attract Dolph and put him off his game? But if that was the case, wouldn't Lana be flirting with EVERY one of Rusev's opponents? I also don't think there's much to achieve from a 2-week storyline featuring Dolph Ziggler for no reason. So I'm inclined to believe Lana will remain with Ziggler for the time being. Although it is interesting to speculate on what could be going through the mind of the "Ravishing Russian." Dolph said from the start that he knew Lana was playing games, and that he didn't mind. Now it seems that Rusev doesn't mind either. So what's Lana have to do to get what she wants now that the aforementioned feminine wilds aren't getting the job done? This match was what it was—a "Big Hoss" match between two big bad powerhouses. Ryback is most certainly going to get a visit from Bray Wyatt this Sunday, and as for Rusev? As of this writing, Rusev is reported to have suffered an injury that could sideline him come Sunday. If he does enter the Elimination Chamber, I'm sure he'll fall victim to some sort of tomfoolery involving Dolph and Lana. This match lasted longer than I would have guessed, spanning the one-hour mark and earning both men a chance to look strong in front of a world-wide audience. Rusev lost the match via disqualification after repeatedly slamming Ryback's head into the steel post. Rusev won the battle, but the war will continue this Sunday at the Elimination Chamber. A match that was most certainly COOKIN'!
Up next is a Diva's match between the two women who will simultaneously challenge Nikki Bella for her title at the Elimination Chamber. Paige and Naomi have unfinished business stemming from the Monday Night Raw in England when Naomi attacked Paige after a Diva's Battle Royal. I'm not incredibly impressed with Naomi. Everyone seems to be enamored with her "in-ring ability," and to that I wonder—what IN RING ability? I guess in the grand scheme of Playboy Bunnies and Bella Twins, Naomi is a pretty decent athlete, but context plays a huge part in how good Naomi really is. When facing someone as seasoned and reputable as Paige, Naomi is exposed for how inexperienced she truly is. Paige is the only woman in WWE history to hold both the NXT and Diva's championship. Not only that, but she held them at the same time, until being forced to relinquish her NXT title upon her "promotion" to Raw. Naomi relies heavily on slow-paced rest holds and over-the-top character work that doesn't sell me on her as a wrestler. Paige, on the other hand, is fluid and makes every movement appear almost effortless. The 2-time Diva's Champion hit Naomi with the "Rampaige" for the 1-2-3 and Paige will head into the Elimination Chamber with a psychological edge over Naomi. I hate to say the first and only women's match of the night DOESN'T MATTER—especially since everything up until now has been COOKIN', but I've got to be fair and weight each segment honestly. Following the bell, Nikki and Brie appeared on the stage, and everyone stared everyone else down—who the fuck are the babyfaces? Because they're all coming off like arrogant heels.
Kevin Owens is on Smackdown to talk about his upcoming match with John Cena at Elimination Chamber with Michael Cole. Before Cole can say anything, Jerry Lawler reacts to his appearance on Smackdown by exclaiming: "Ah! Look who it is!" Like Michael Cole isn't on Smackdown all the time, or something. Cole introduces Owens, who receives a mixed reaction from a WWE Universe seemingly unaware of his stardom. Those fans that know Owens are losing their shit, and the little kids who saw him powerbomb Cena and stomp on his title are throwing him the "thumbs down" by the thousands. Owens doesn't care who knows his name, he only cares about fighting and making money, which is why he doesn't give Michael Cole any respect. He points and laughs at the TitanTron during the replay of what went down between he and John Cena and Michael Cole begins by saying, "Kevin you've been in the WWE for two weeks now…" Kevin cut him off, explaining that while he's been a part of the main roster for the first time, he's been a dominant aspect of NXT for several months. In fact, been in this business for fifteen years. "I've competed all over the world—not just competed mind you, but dominated." Michael Cole says that John Cena isn't a normal competitor, but Kevin cuts him off again and lists Cena's accolades himself: "Fifteen world championships, two Royal Rumble Match victories, eleven Wrestlemanias, 57 varieties of terrible t-shirt designs. And over 1000 ways to SUCK. See I am the NXT Champion. Yet, John Cena walks around and acts like I've got something to prove to him, when in fact, if you ask me—John Cena is the one that's got something to prove to me." Michael Cole said he has a unique perspective, and quoted John Cena's earlier words regarding Owens' inability to "finish" a fight. "Why don't we take a look at what I did to Sami Zayn Michael," Owens said, "And you can tell me if I know how to finish a fight." After the video, Cole raised his microphone to respond, and Owens pushed it away. "At NXT Takeover: Unstoppable, I did exactly what I told the world I would do, and that's further my career by taking out Sami Zayn for good. But Sami Zayn is my best friend. Sami Zayn is someone I traveled the world with for ten years. SAMI ZAYN is I was closer to than anyone else on the planet. And that's what I did to him. Now if I'll do that to someone I care about, imagine what I'll do to John Cena." Owens began to turn away and thought again, "Actually you don't have to imagine it, just watch Elimination Chamber and you will witness it first-hand. And once I do that, there will be no question that the REAL champ—is here." COOKIN'! COOKIN'! COOKIN'! COOKIN'!
The next match is the main event tag team bout between Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns and the Authority's Kane and the world champion Seth Rollins. The producers in �Gorilla' didn't wait for Kevin Owens to return through the curtain; Dean Ambrose's music hit as Owens was making his way up the ramp, and the two exchanged looks before going their separate ways. I have to say, I really like the direction they're heading with Dean Ambrose, which is saying a lot. If you're a regular reader, then you know I'm not the biggest fan of the "Lunatic Fringe," but his last few weeks on top of the roster have been a welcome change to the inordinate antics and exceptional losing streak we were privy to just three months ago. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose have a very interesting relationship, and despite how goofy it was, I actually liked the story about Dean calling Roman from jail and asking him to "buy some time." That's the kind of storytelling I like, quite frankly. I said during my Raw recap this week that Kane is best served in these tag team matches that don't expose his weaknesses and allow for him to remain an ancillary character in support of the principle acts. What does that mean? It means when he's in one-on-one competition he looks like a fucking joke, while tag team competition appears to be his bread and butter. This match was full of really cool moments that weren't so absurd that they rendered the athleticism obsolete. I think the program between Rollins and Ambrose allows for a fair amount of both brawling as well as technique. Rollins and Reigns went one-on-one during the final moments of the match where Roman went for a "Superman Punch," but missed, and instead opted for a powerbomb. The former "Architect" of the Shield wormed his way out of harm's way only to catch that same "Superman Punch" the next time around. Roman dropped for the cover, but J&J Security caused the disqualification before the champion could be pinned. After the match, all hell broke loose involving the participants of the match, and then the New Day! The tag team champions joined in and attacked number one contender and Roman Reigns, but received a slew of signature maneuvers for their trouble before Kane and Seth Rollins finally achieved the upper hand. Seth Rollins hit Dean Ambrose with the Pedigree and another episode of Thursday—er I mean Friday—wait no, yeah Thursday Night Smackdown is in the books.
Smackdown always tends to deliver because it's a taped show full of backstage shenanigans and cosmetic edits, not to mention it's only two hours long. I enjoyed this week's show as much as any other episode of Smackdown in recent memory, but can't help but wonder what—if anything—could get Smackdown to that next level. We can rule out taking the show live unless the WWE wants to completely overhaul their production model. Maybe an exclusive title? What do you guys think? Comment below or feel free to hit me up in social media. Until next time, please LIKE "The B+ Players Podcast" on Facebook, and FOLLOW me on Twitter for all the latest and greatest updates courtesy of Cheap-Heat and Daily Wrestling News!
