Drop the bass! Time for a cage match! Seriously though, what’s up with the pulsing “something is being lowered” music that the WWE insists upon for every cage, every cell, every chamber? Sorry, I’m being negative right out-the-gate and that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to talk about this week’s episode of Friday Night Smackdown and tell you What’s Cookin and What Doesn’t Matter.
The Cage Match Fake Out
So obviously this episode of “Blue Raw” is kicking off with a cage match–a tag team cage match with the WWE Tag Team Champions taking on The Uso’s. A fast paced bout overall, but how could it not be when you deprive a team like the Usos from using half of their aerial arsenal? I like the Uso’s and last week beckoned the question: how could the WWE ever break up this twin tag team and successfully market them as separate singles stars? This week I’m more preoccupied with the thought of Jimmy and Jey turning heel; trading in the Nickelodean swim trunks for some black tights and boots that don’t look like socks. Now that’s an intriguing concept worth exploring… but perhaps some other time. Back to the match: I’m not one for tag team cage matches, but if they’re going to happen I’d rather see a tornado tag inside the steel with some escape attempts, not a match played by the same standard set of rules as every other match. The finale was an anti-climactic pinfall on behalf of the Rhodes Brothers, followed by Gold and Stardust exiting the cage through the door. What the hell is that? Unfortunately for the infinitely talented superstars involved, this match just DOESN’T MATTER! Luckily, Kane would soon make an appearance and save the day.
Glenn Jacobs’ Casting Couch
You read that right. Kane saved the day, at least in regards to not wasting the cage hanging high above the ring. I’m coming around to Kane in his most recent authoritative role and I think it’s because his hair is starting to look less ridiculous. Kane is getting to an age where I don’t want to see him competing on every card, yet he’s the kind of character that I’m not ready to say goodbye to. After announcing yet another match against Ziggler, Kane is soon joined by the Swiss Superman Cesaro, much to my initial delight. Here I am thinking, maybe Cesaro is going to start having a more substantial part to play on the roster. But as soon as I heard, “Feed Me More,” I knew that it was time for the Winner of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal to do what he gets paid for: put people over. However, I’m interested enough in the relationship between RyBack and the Authority to look past what I perceive as sloppy booking, and focus on the bigger question: with whom will RyBack align himself? Following the match, we see Kane enter the ring as if to make an overture to the former Skip Sheffield, but it seems “The Big Guy” wanted no part of “The Big Red Machine.” With the announcement of RyBack versus John Cena on this weeks episode of Raw, I’d be curious to see what’s next for the recently returned RyBack. This entire segment moved at a steady pace that successfully introduced several moving parts into the overall Survivor Series main event machine. Despite the banal beatdown of Antonio Cesaro that had me up in arms, this entire series of events was undoubtedly COOKIN’!
Peep Show Turns Creep Show
I’m certainly not one of those people who thinks Christian is main event worthy, but it’s always nice to see the former NWA World champion used outside the Stamford studios and out from behind the preshow desk. Whenever a Peep Show or Highlight Reel is announced, I tend to let out an audible groan at the mere mention of another inorganic talking segment. This week was no different initially, but this Friday night’s format proved to be successful in it’s simplicity. A short list of softball questions eventually lead to a slightly confused Dean Ambrose wondering why Bray Wyatt would target someone with so little to lose. Bray makes his now-commonplace appearance from the shadows and begins his overdue explanation as to why he’s so focused on Dean Ambrose. Relating back to his feud from earlier in the year with Daniel Bryan, Bray explains that Dean has nothing to lose, and can benefit from Bray’s teachings much the way “Brother Harper” did. Another glitch from light to dark and back again, and Wyatt’s mind games have ceased, atleast until Monday. I was hoping to get a little bit more of the witty Captain Charisma that we’re all use to, but given the seriousness of this program, Christian played his part perfectly low key. The entire segment was of course COOKIN’, and I hope these two get an extra 3-4 minutes on Monday to further develop their dynamic.
Tyson Kidd: Star of the Diva’s Division
I’m not a diva match hater, and when the women take to the stage I’m more than happy to see Nattie Neidhart represent the division with the sort of technique and respect you don’t necessarily see from Rosa Mendez or Eva Marie. That doesn’t mean I’m on the edge of my seat during every match featuring Natalya and Summer Rae, so luckily the WWE allowed Tyson Kidd to sit ringside and spice things up on commentary. Tyson is an exceptional talent, and not just in the ring, but behind the mic. These first seeds being planted in his program with Nattie and Tyson are unlike any we’ve seen in recent memory, and that’s because the WWE doesn’t do husband vs. wife gimmicks very often. The match with Summer was what it was, but the real memorable moments of this match came from the antagonistic repartee between John Layfiend and Tyson Kidd. At one point, JBL even says, “You do realize that Bret Hart is not your uncle?” To which Tyson replies, “Of course he’s my uncle!” As a whole, I can’t say this segment was COOKIN’ because the match was no more than the same mediocrity we’ve become use to. But I also won’t say it DOESN’T MATTER, because it allowed Tyson the opportunity to expand upon his character on one of the main roster programs. I was a little taken aback by Michael Cole when he accused Kidd of not paying attention to the match, and not calling the action in the ring. I wonder, if Kidd had been advertising the mobile app, would Cole have said the same thing?
A Cage Match but for Real This Time
My favorite thing about this match was the out-of-place Luke Harper vignette that interrupted Dolph’s carefree strut into the ring. They’re continuing to peak my interest with Harper and what might be in store for the former tag partner of Erick Rowan, as he gets set to make his singles debut apart from his former “Family.” I was hopeful the vignette would lead to Harper taking Kane’s place against Ziggler, but no one would be so lucky this evening as The Demon made his entrance and the second cage match of the night began. Nothing exceptional out of this contest; I would have liked to have seen Mercury and Noble at ringside, which would have only added to the impossible odds stacked against Ziggler. The finish was admirable in effort but the execution was hindered by Dolph’s apparent fear of falling off the cage door. He carefully propelled himself from the cage door to the nearby barricade, allowing Smackdown to go off the air with Ziggler reveling in the admiration of the ringside audience members. Dolph Ziggler, the Intercontinental Champion is the greatest tribute to 1995 Shawn Michaels ever, and it’s moments of fan interaction like this that get me pumped for the future of “The Show Off” and that’s why this week’s main event match was COOKIN’!
So we managed to make it through another 2 hours of high def high spots. I thought this weeks episode was boring, and didn’t feature nearly enough wrestling for a show that’s prerecorded and edited. But in the interest of fairness, I did enjoy this show more than last week’s “Trick or Street Fight.” Albeit not by much. Here’s to hoping next Friday’s episode of Smackdown delivers a bit more of the action that was lacking from this weeks half-hearted attempt. Smackdown use to be the best show the WWE had going between 2003 and 2004, so it’s not impossible for the B-show to surpass Monday Night Raw as far as quality content. With the most recent announcement declaring Smackdown is set to return to Thursday nights, I’m excited to see what, if anything, the WWE does to improve it’s product between now and then. The new Thursday night time slot will all but guarantee higher ratings, and such a dramatic shift in schedule could even prompt the WWE to do something big to attract new fans. Well, that’s it for me and another edition of What’s Cookin and What Doesn’t Matter. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty and I’ll see you this Monday for Raw.
